Ready to be single, still in 10 year relationship, but seeing someone else I'm crazy about

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Ready to be single, still in 10 year relationship, but seeing someone else I'm crazy about
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 1:31am

Well I’m not quite single yet, but plan to be very soon. I’ve been unhappy in my 10 year relationship for about 3 years. I’m 36. He is 51. Last month I lived for the moment and hooked up with a guy I’ve known for many years. I am having an incredible time with him in and out of bed. We’ve been to dinner twice together and don’t get to see each other much because of my current situation.

The guy I’m with has no income, not even unemployment. I have wanted to end the relationship for years, but I cannot bear to make him homeless. He has no family (parents deceased, only child) so I have been weathering the storm. I still don’t know how to end it with him. But I have to because I simply love being with my new guy. He gives me everything I’ve been missing.  The thing is I don’t know how to handle it. The new guy said he’d wait. He wants to spend time with me. He wants  a relationship with me and understands it may take time for me to make a move where my SO is concerned.

How should I handle this? Should I be open and tell him I want the same as him? Or should I hold back my emotions and words until the other relationship has been terminated? And, how do I end this ? He has no place to go or income for an apartment.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006

Julia never said the OP shouldnt leave this guy. But she did, very rightly, say that *giving him an out in 2 weeks ultimatum and bringing boxes for him to pack* is NOT a way to handle parting ways in a 10 years long relationship. With all respect Shywon, from what ive gathered here, you have not yet been in a very long term, living together-relationship, so you just cannot know. It is WAY more difficult than that, and such separation should be treated with delicacy, consideration and understanding.. its a long and painfull process..

And no, the obligation to stay or not to stay with your LT partner has nothing to do with a stamp on a piece of paper, but all to do with your inner self.. it comes from within you, married or not.. and has all to do with the actuall nature, essence of your relationship, your *togetherness* for all the years..

Last but not least: sorry people, but its difficult for me here in Germany to immagine, how one can be left completely without income in case of unemployment. As per law here,  you get 63% of your last income for the first year of unemployment, and then your rent gets paid (up to a certain amount of course) plus you get a certain amount of spending money per month, unlimited,  till you find a job..


P. S. If I were in the situation of this guy, no job, no money and, as it seems, no gf soon too,  i would be drinking too, ha..ha...


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003


Teraez, any updates? What's happening? Did you tell the old bf that you're leaving?

How's it going with the 38 y old?

Just curious..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

In the US, you get a percentage of your income (can't remember but I think it's 50%, which is also taxable) and I think the maximum is 2 yrs--then yes, you are totally on your own.  The gov't will not pay for your rent, you could be living on the street or lucky to find a room in a homeless shelter.  If you have kids you are entitled to welfare beneftis, but now they have put caps on that which I think is also 2 yrs.