ready to move on...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
ready to move on...?
2
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 12:57pm

I have been living with my best friend/roomate for about 2 and a half years now. For the most part things have been fine. However, lately i have had a strong desire of wanting to move out and buy my own place. I think I have the money to do this, but I need to figure things out a bit more. My roomate has never really been one to do much cleaning. Maybe 4 times a year she'll give the house a good cleaning, then that's it. She eats, just leaves dishes in the sink, there's her clutter all over the dining room table and in the bathroom. Right now the shower is gross...i dont know what goes on in there when she shaves her legs, but I almost fell on my face from the slippery slime that was on the bathtub floor. I'm going to be 28 in a month...i guess i'm tired of it. Tired of the area, tired of i guess waiting for things to change there. It's not terribly exciting.

The main thing now that is getting to me is her boyfriend situation...and i'm trying to be careful to not confuse this with a little bit of jealousy. She had been dating a guy for about 2 and a half years. For the last year things were not good with them, they'd fight, i guess he was doing drugs, they would never have sex, I think she nagged him to the point where she didnt want to see him anymore. She'd complain about it all the time, i'd give her advice, she'd never take it, she'd stay with him. She said she didnt want to be alone. She'd be like, who wants to be alone? no one. personally i'd rather be alone than be in a relationship like the one she was having. So one night she met someone else-while she was still with her boyfriend. She started seeing this new guy behind the boyfriends back, sleeping with him, the whole bit. After about 3 weeks, her and the boyfriend ended things, now she is still seeing this other guy. However she has met up with her ex several times, had sex with him, talked about getting back together with him...all the while still seeing the new guy. She takes money from her ex to pay bills. The ex asked her to go to a wedding this weekend, she doesnt want to go, but is afraid to say no for fear that he will stop giving her money. It all just sounds so pathetic.

As for me, i was/am dating someone, it was an ldr, he is home for about 3 weeks, then he leaves again. All the while she has been asking me questions about my relationships like, have you talked to him, Why? did he sleep over last night, no why? She and this new guy see each other frequently and text message back and forth pretty much all day long. I guess part of me is envious that these two guys want to be with her (her ex wants her back) even though she is treating both of them like crap. It's like she's doing and getting exactly what she wants while my relationship is pretty much ending because my guy has to go so far away...and it annoys the hell out of me the way my roomate will think it's weird if my guy and i dont talk every single day or dont see each other every single day now that he's home. I almost feel like saying, sorry i dont feel the need to have a man in my life every second of my existance. But i admit i do feel somewhat jealous...? it's weird. She also had a one night stand while this whole thing was going on with the 2 guys. It's odd, i have never felt annoyed with her before really...but this whole new guy situation with her just seems soo stupid.

So as you can see I am just tired of hearing about all her drama, then hearing about how 'in love' she is with this new guy. She pretty much does as she pleases, goes from one relationship to the next, anything to avoid being alone, figuring out what she actually wants from a guy or in guy. This new guy and she seem to get along, but he does odd things like wet the bed every time he's drunk, doesnt always pay for dates or take her to the places she wants to go...it is obvious to me that she is just sticking to him to avoid being alone...also when we do things it'll be like shopping or going to dinner. But if there is a party she goes to where there will be guys our age, do i get an invite? no. I'm not saying we should do everything together by any means, but i wonder why she leaves me out of the party stuff sometimes.

I am worried that if i buy a place of my own she will get angry with me...but i feel that i need to do this for myself. I am not happy with my living situation anymore...i feel like i'm in a rut there...i'm also afraid that she will wonder why she cant live with me again when i buy a place...i dont want to end our friendship, but i do feel like we are in different places right now. I am trying to better my life for myself, be more independent and she is gung ho on just being with a man.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 1:13pm

You need to do what's good for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 1:27pm
yeah i dont want to be selfish either...a part of me is like, ok what are the benefits of me living with her? We rarely do fun things together these days, she is hell bent on being with a man, what is in this for me? I do have cheap rent there...but i feel like my life is not moving on by staying there...it feels stagnant...the place is mess, i cant entertain....anytime i bring food into the house she eats it...anytime i cook anything, it cant ever just be for me....i guess i really am ready to live alone.