Really down

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Really down
11
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:31pm

I have been trying so hard to maintain an optimistic attitude, but I keep getting disappointed by dating.

Last night, I was supposed to have date #2 with a guy I really liked. Well, he called to cancel because he reconciled with an ex girlfriend between our first date (Tuesday) and the weekend.

It was like the straw that broke the camel's back. I broke down in tears after his call - not over this guy, but over being single in general. Each guy that doesn't work out is just one big, fat reminder that I'm alone still. Lately, I can't make it past date two, and I am so losing hope of ever connecting with someone in a meaningful way again. My last real relationship was more than a year ago, and I have had had a string of disappointing starts since then.

I know you will all say to focus on me, my friends, what I like to do, etc. The thing is, I already DO all that. I have a great life that I enjoy and great friends and family. Literally, the only thing missing is the special man with whom to share it. (Ok, that and a million dollars to travel the world in luxury). I think I have become as happy as a single person as I will ever be, and I still haven't lost the longing to be with someone long term.

Thanks for listening.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 3:42pm

I know how you feel.

I've also got a great life and everything else I could want but none of it takes away from that yearning to have a love in my life. A yearning I feel every single day. Sometimes I feel like I'd trade some of the other cool things I have in my life for love, it means that much more to me.

Didn't have any advice, just providing some empathy.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 4:03pm

Just wanted to give you a hug and say that I understand. I don't know how to deal with that longing and disappointment, either, and I have a pretty darn great life on my own, too.

And I'm turning 48 in two weeks and the pool keeps getting smaller and smaller and smaller. Each failed date is making me lose hope, too. I've been basically single for 9 years now, since my last LTR of 4 years ended--with a few short-term relationships here and there.

Lately I've been experimenting with settling for less than what I want because I just don't friggin' want to be alone anymore. But that sucks, too.

I don't know what the answer is. But I totally empathize.

But I think at this point I'd just take the million dollars to travel and give up on love, LOL!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 4:41pm
Empathise completely; I'm in a 'relationship' right now and I'm not happy but haven't ended it because I'm sick of the dating pool (I like to call it a kiddie pool). After sampling what's out there, it's easy to get discouraged. I have temporarily given up, but not Permanently. It's very frustrating, but you're not alone. Try to hang in there
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 8:44pm
I'm sorry to hear that. I know it sucks. You think and think over it and it just never does make sense.
All your life, you are told and you learn that things aren't fair. You just never expect to be a perfect example of that.
Hang in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 9:38pm
I don't really have many words of wisdom but just wanted to send hugs.
Avatar for muffy65
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 9:58pm

Here's a great bug hug for you!

As for your dilemma, things WILL get better. Just think if you actually developed a relationship with this guy, and THEN he decided to reconcile with his former girlfriend. Yuck! I am a believer that things happen the way they are meant to. Just try to hold onto your heart long enough for the man with whom you are meant to be. Nothing is more precious than YOU!:)

muffy65

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 10:45pm

I've got nothing to say to make you feel better...the same old stuff seems so trite and overdone. But just lots of good positive vibes your way.

Oh and "boys suck, throw rocks at them."

Ruby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 1:54am
I know this is a repeat from what some of the other posters have said but I completely understand how you feel. I'm not sure if you are religious or spiritual or not but what I've been doing is praying for the strength to get through the hard times and for continued hope and faith that the right one is just around the corner for me. It's just these times of feeling like you have lost hope and when you feel the loneliness that is difficult. We are all human and we all feel it no matter how confident and independent we are and how full our lives are without that special someone. Praying does help me get through the tough days and it does renew my hope. I always say without hope in this aspect we don't have much really so we need to keep the faith no matter how down we get.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:36am

Thanks, everyone, for your encouraging and empathetic words. I am so glad I have this board and all of you on those rough days.

I guess whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Ruby, I like your rocks comment. :) Sheri, yeah - if I come up with a million dollars, how 'bout you and I bail on all the men and travel the world? It does seem like the dating pool is a 'kiddie pool.' Ha ha. It's rare for someone who seems like a keeper to swim by. If I ever catch one, you can bet I'll be more thankful than most for him, because it's taking so long to find him.

I am sure things will look better tomorrow, or next week or next year. I do pray, biochic, and I agree that it helps a lot on those blue days. I also talk to good friends, family, take a walk through the park, go to the gym... All of those things help.

Lesley - yeah, I'm feeling like the poster child for "it's not fair" these days, but I am sure we all have those days. I'm trying so hard not to wallow in my loneliness, and I know there are others in my same situation and much, much worse. I guess I'll try counting my blessings today.

Thanks again, all. Today is a new day, right?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
In reply to: tallgirlcolo
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 2:10am
I hope you find that special person. We all deserve to have someone special to share our lives with. Hoping one day i'll even find one for myself someday. He is out there we just have to wait till God sends him our way.

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