Really thinking of moving out
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 10-08-2005 - 10:00pm |
I have posted here before about my roomate/best friend. We have been roomates for almost 2 years, best friends for about 19 years. Lately i've just been feeling like i want my own place. It's difficult because we do have good times, but lately i've really been seeing her bad sides. I know that i'm not perfect either. I was married for a year, then my ex and i broke up about two years ago. Since then i've basically been trying to get my life back on track. My roomate has been dating a guy for about two years now. I have felt for years that i have been that friend to her who she calls when no one else is around. I kind of ignored it though. Lately i have had NO social life. I certainly dont expect her to be entertaining me, but we really hardly ever hang out. She knows that all of my friends are in serious relationships and i rarely have people to go out with, especially lately it seems. Her and i will go out to eat when she feels like it, but that's pretty much it.
I had told her that i wanted to see the movie, in her shoes months ago when i saw it advertised, i told her that we should really go see it. Earlier this week she mentioned she was going to the movies with a friend last night. I said, oh dont see in her shoes without me. She said she wouldnt. Long story short-she saw it. I felt hurt. She could have picked another movie to see or why the heck couldnt she have just told me to meet up with her to watch it?? I just dont it. All this week i was saying, oh we should hang out this weekend and do something. she just kept saying she didnt know what her plans were-it's like this all the time. I have just had it...i guess it's hard to explain over e-mail. All i know is that if i had a big group of friends in the area and a boyfriend and she was one with little social life, i would CERTAINLY invite her along. After she told me she saw the movie, i just got kind of quiet. She accused me of being grouchy. I said, well honestly, you knew i had wanted to see that movie. She was like, god i'll still see it, etc. I guess it wasnt the point.
IT's just a lot of things built up. LAst week she went out with her ex and a bunch of his friends. DId she invite me? no, but she called me to tell me baout it adn woke me up drunk at 2am. She even said everyone was asking for me...i dont get what it is that makes her not want to include me with her other friends, but she just doesnt. I'm the friend who is her dinner partner or shopping partner. The thing is that out of all of her friends, i'm probably the one who needs a friend the most. I'm doing my best to get my life together after my divorce-i have a great new job, i am pursuing my masters, i work out. I just feel like if she was a true friend she would make more time for me. Tonight she went out to a bar with friends-i guess she didnt invite after my grouchy episode this morning, but it makes me wonder if she would have invited me at all.
I have money saved up to buy a place and i'm really thinking about doing it. My other friends who i've told this to seem to agree that maybe it's time to move on. I am afraid of losing this friendship, but living with her has been getting me down a bit. I hope she's never in this place that i am in now (socially) but she certainly hasnt been very giving of her time. I just question the friendship and her character. Last week she cheated on her boyfriend, but said she didnt feel guilty about...she's 27 and says this is the guy she wants to marry...how can you feel that way, then cheat on him? She says she will do it again when her ex is in town in a few weeks. Normally i love this girl...sometimes i wonder, is it me? I dont think i ask for much from her. I appreciate that we go out to dinner occasionally, but i'm 27, not 50. Maybe id like to go out on a sat. night...i live in big city and lately i have just felt so alone. It's scary.

Hi Molly Im new to this board but thought I would chime in. I completely understand what you're going through. My roommate just got into a relationship with my X-roommate...lol. They were both two of my closest friends who did not know each other..it was me who introduced them. They are now always together and rarely include me, which is understandable to a degree. My other friends are dating and with their SO's all the time. I dont really date. Well, I have one really good guy friend who I hang out with and we have never been more than friends. My X and I have been talking over the last month but this week I barely heard from him so i dont think he is interested much.
As far as your friend/roommate goes I think maybe if you pull away from her a little she will start to act different towards you. If she cares, then she will notice and realize how she has treated you. She may also be going through her own stuff right now too and need space.
I'm also pursuing my masters, trying to get my life in order.
I'm a bit lonely at times. This will pass though. Just hang in there. that's what i tell myself. there must be a reason that socially things aren't going so well for me right now. i really believe that getting my life in order regarding my education/career is what is best for me to focus on right now. i might also be learning lessons about friends and ppl as i have been let down this year by a few friends.
I just wanted to let you know you're really not alone!
Good luck with your plans for buying a house. That is very exciting and may be exactly what you're ready for.
Dionne
I had roommates in college that were like that.