A really tough ???????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
A really tough ???????
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 10:39pm
I've made a startling revelation regarding past

relationships. Everytime I really, really like

someone, it seems they don't like me back as much.

But if someone likes me, and it takes me a while

to warm up to them, I end up getting my heart

cut out.

Oh well, I'll probably figure out the secret to

the universe before I get an answer to this one!

Avatar for bluebird1234
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 10:52pm
Isn't that the way it goes? I'm new to dating, but the best I can tell you is, just keep being yourself, eventually you will meet someone who will like you every bit as much as you like them.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 10:54pm

I think it has to do with neediness (not necessarily with you, just in general).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 11:16pm
what can i say. women like a little mystery...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 7:04am
That's pretty much the way it works until you find your soul mate. If everyone you dated liked you exactly the same as you liked them and vice versa you'd probably bemarried by now, right? Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 7:28am
My guess is when you are really into someone you subject the other person to a flood of attention too early on and overwhelm them - put that infatuation aside and get to know - slowly - how that person likes to interact - listen to vibes and don't expect that person to be at the same place at the same time as you are. Infatuation can be self absorbed - try to be other directed and also put aside your insecurities which might lead you to be clingy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 9:55am
As someone told me...like attracts like.

An emotionally healthy person will not associate (on a deeper level) with a emotionally unhealthy person because they will choose not to deal with the excessive amounts of baggage that comes along with such a person.

Conversely, an emotionally unhealthy person will not associate (on a deeper, long term) with an emotionally healthy person because it's frightening to them in the sense that they feel the healthy person will see their flaws, etc. BUT, emotionally unhealthy people may initially seek out the healthy person because they perceive they can reap the benefits of that emotional well-being without actually having to put any effort into achieving it.

"But if someone likes me, and it takes me a while

to warm up to them, I end up getting my heart

cut out." This statement in conjunction with many of your previous posts would tell me that you're not at an emotionally healthy place---merely because you're placing a vast majority of the blame on the other person instead of taking responsibility for your part in the situation(s) and making whatever changes you need to make so as not to continue seeking out or ending up with those same types of people. I would also be willing to conclude that the ones you "really, really like" are at an emotionally healthy place, hence why the feelings aren't returned....they have something you want, but you're not willing to put in the time to get there yourself.


Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious vis