Regarding Self Esteem /Self Worth

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Regarding Self Esteem /Self Worth
21
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 12:20pm

I've been thinking about this for a long time.

If you are a person who believes you are attractive, intelligent and worthwhile for many different reasons, however, no one or many people do not see those same qualities or potential in you, does that affect how you feel about you? Do you feel as though validation and feedback from others is essential in feeling good about oneself?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you've heard of the old question 'if a tree falls in the middle of the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound' And the answer is suppose to be if no one is around to hear it, then it doesn't make a sound, so in essence, it is silent.

So in rephrasing my question, if no one really appreciates or sees the beauty or potential in you, does it still exist? Is it valid? Does it even matter?

If you are the only one who thinks you are great. Are you really great or is it just your perception?

I guess I'm trying to make sense of some things in my head. I think I have much to offer as far as personality, looks, the whole shebang (and my friends are constantly reiterating that too), however, if no one else sees it but me and my closest friends, then it makes me wonder how true is it? How real is it? Could it be just our little perceptions. The next question is would I need outside reinforcement to validate this. And if so, why??

Hope this isn't too confusing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 2:44pm
I do feel for you too rebainmi. I have been there. I am still there to a certain degree. All my life I have struggled with my self esteem. I got picked on all the way from elementary school through high school and grew up in a very dysfunctional environment so naturally my self esteem was always low. I would say not until this past year did I start having a better self esteem. So it took me 30 years to get here and to start seeing a big improvement. I do have some suggestions for you on how to get better and improve your self esteem because it has been working for me. First of all work through the past hurts and demons that have made you sad and angry through the years and to do that maybe get a counselor but if you don't want to do that it helps to journal about it, talk about it with trusted friends or just think about it in your mind and work them through and try to come to some understanding and forgivenss of the people that hurt you. Another important thing to do is to stop blaming yourself for past hurts and for people not liking you or accepting you for who you are. Be gentle to yourself and understand that these people made you feel bad because they were probably hurting themselves and have low self esteem. I also surround myself with loving/positive friends and get rid of the people in my life who are influncing me in a negative way. Always give yourself one compliment each day like notice some feature you like about yourself or remember a hurdle you overcame and how proud you were of that. Look at your accomplishments and pat yourself on the back. When a man doesn't want to date you or be your boyfriend tell yourself that it's his loss and that the next man who sees all the good in you will be one lucky guy. Don't show him that it affected you just walk away with grace and maturity and if you need to cry it out, cry it out but realize at the end of the day it's totally the other person's loss. These are all difficult things to do. It won't come overnight and it's not easy. I"m still working on it and still have a lot of down days after a year of working on myself but overall the improvement is great. If you really want to do it though you will put in the work it takes because it's worth the effort.

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