The report

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
The report
7
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 10:44pm
I wasn't nearly as nervous getting ready as I could have been. My best friend was having some family issues, so texting her while I was getting ready helped keep my mind off of it. I was kind of excited to see him when he got here, so that's a good sign, right? The movie was good, and when he put his hand on my leg/held my hand, I let him. There was definitely some...ahem...excitement going on on my part, so that's a good thing. When he brought me home, it was early and he asked to see my house. I figured I could trust him, and it was a good chance to see what his intentions are. He almost immediately kissed me upon walking inside. Not aggressively, but he was assertive about it. We sat on the couch and talked and kissed for a couple of hours. He did get a little handsy, but when I moved his hand he got the hint. I sent him home at 9pm, I think a little disappointed that I didn't attack him. So it went well....except for one thing. Last night, he asked us to guess his age. My friend said 38 and he said yes. I found out tonight that he's actually 48 and misunderstood her. I was going to guess him at 40 or so, so it's not like he looks a lot older than me. But I am struggling with it, mostly because of the kids issue. He was married before, but didn't mention any kids when I asked about his family. He said he usually dates younger women. I almost asked him why, but he was in the middle of a story. Is he looking for a woman who can still have babies, or just refusing to accept his age? I know a number shouldn't bother me so much, but it does. In the meantime, the guy I kissed last night (who is a much better kisser) will be 35 next week. Both guys take care of themselves, so that's not the issue. It's kinda sad, but my main thought right now is of viable sperm and a dad who will be able to keep up with a toddler.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
In reply to: shywon
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 12:52am

I don't think age should be a concern unless he has health issue. The older you get the more things can go wrong but many advanced aged couples are able to have healthy children. it's a roll of the dice. You just have to have faith in God's goodness. I'm 46 and still have faith that I will have healthy children b/c I'm healthy.

I like to marry a smart guy (and not ugly) so my kid will be smart and not ugly.

Men who date younger women probably do so b/c they look young and likely to feel young as well. You need to talk to him early about your wanting to have kids so you can make up your mind whether to go on.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: shywon
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 2:58am

fluttershy and stallion

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: gleannfia
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 9:11am

Actually, the age of the father is linked to problems with offspring.  As men age, their sperm is more likely to undergo mutations and DNA breakage.  Older fathers have been associated with increase in autism among their children.  Shywon is wise to take the man's age into account.  It's not all on the woman anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: shywon
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 11:09am

I don't think you want to be asking him if he wants kids on the 2nd date but it's something that you do have to find out about since that is what you want.  My best friend married a guy who was much older than her (26 yrs) so when they had kids he was over 50.  He was always an active guy (taught martial arts) and I think having the kids has kept him young.  He's 80 now & still going out with the kids & doing things.  Both kids are healthy.  It's something that you can never tell about because young people can still have babies who aren't healthy.  Of course for women who are older Down syndrome is the big risk.  Alec Baldwin's new wife just had a baby & he's in his mid-50's.  It's not that uncommon for men in 2nd marriages to have babies with younger wives when the men are in their 50's or even 60's.  It's also not that uncommon (unfortunately) for men to like being with younger women if they can get them.  So you just have to find out if he's open to having kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 11:31am

I dont think age matters but yes I would ask him about the baby thing.. He might already  be done with that and if you fall in love with him and you get no baby and that is what you want then it cant work. The regrets will be huge..

My sis married a man many years ago (my ex BIL) who said he didnt want kids.. My sis agreed and they married.. A few years later sis wanted a child.. My ex BIL said no we discussed this before.. Well they ended up divorced because of this.. So be careful because if two people dont want the same thing no amount of love is going to fix it..

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: shywon
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 2:04pm

Hey, the good news is, someone finally followed through, took you out on a real, bonafide date AND you enjoyed it! You have some time to get to know him better and figure out whether the two of you are compatible.  It's not like you're turning 40 tomorrow ;)  

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 6:16pm
CFk- so true! I had a real date back in June, but he disappeared after a few weeks. P has been chasing me for over a month now. I think I'm going to give him a chance, but try not to close my mind to other guys. The guy I met Saturday who kissed me (and I thought was a player bc of it) did get my number and even asked how to spell my name in his phone. They don't usually even bother to add my name. I'm just worried about possible overlap/running into P if I'm with another guy. Not that I've ever dated two guys at once, but it would help keep things in perspective, and a girl can dream, right? Oh, and I'm very aware of the risks older sperm bring. It's another reason why I'm cautious.