Requirements for a new guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Requirements for a new guy
7
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 3:32pm
I am not sure if I am being closed minded or maybe superficial so I wanted some opinions. I am 24 yrs old and have been on my own for 6 yrs now. Well the problem is that the last few boyfriends I have had are not together at all. For instance some didn't drive and the majority still live at home with their parents. I just feel at this stage in my life I want to be with someone that has it together. Am I asking to much and since this is a concern of mine am I being a jerk for not wanting to start anything with someone that can't take care of themselves?

On a side note I have been talking on the phone with this guy that I met 2 months ago and the conversations have become more frequent (like every day) and for longer usually at least an hour. He still lives at home and will be for a few more years b/c he is going to college. I am fine with him because he is doing something with his life and right now to accomplish his goals this is what he has to do. I also just met this other man while I was out this weekend. He seemed really nice and I took his number. I can't decide if I want to call him because he lives at home, doesn't have a steady job or going to college. He is also only 22. Not that that's a big difference between us but, let's face it it can be. Am I being silly and just follow my heart and give it a try or should I let my standards be the decision maker and avoid all the past relationship mistakes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 9:53pm
I don't think that the word "requirement" is fickle at all. It shows that you are a woman who knows what she wants from life and is not into wading through (all of) the crap.

I am the same way. I lived at home till I was 29, worked 2 and 3 jobs while I was finishing school and waiting for a teaching job to open up. When one did, it was in Texas, and the commute from Pennsylvania to TX was just a *bit* long. :-)

Living at home for me was a means to an end. And if I had to, my mom would help me throw my stuff in storage and then move home.

Now -- as for dating guys who still live at home:

When I was 19, I dated one guy who lived at home after his divorce. He moved out to a suburb near me, and life was good... till he got married behind my back. Turned out the best thing about him was his kids.

I now like a guy who also lives near my hometown, and he lives with his parents. He's 35. He has lived on his own, come very close to getting married, and living at home worked for him because he has health problems.

I also have many female friends who live at home for one reason or another. I see nothing wrong with it, but it depends on the situation. Living at home because of health reasons (parent or child), financial situation, or education situation is fine with me.

I don't consider it a REQUIREMENT that a guy have his own place, but it makes it easier. If he's living at home, there had better be a reason for it, other than he's too lazy/dependent/immature to be on his own.

My other requirements are that he has a job that pays more than minimum wage, and have a reliable method of transportation. A 3-digit IQ is also handy.

I don't date much. Can ya tell?

summer 2010 sig by Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 7:26pm
No wonder you are feeling fickle - I don't like that word "requirements".

But knowing what you want is GREAT! Good for you for figuring it out. Some of us have a lot pettier dealbreakers than living at home or not having a job. Don't be so tough on yourself ;-) At your age tho, its probably a lot harder to find who have their life together.

Good luck and welcome to the board!

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 5:18pm
you've been on your own for 6 years...

you've probably learned a lot about yourself and you've probably grown a great deal during that period of time...

it's natural that you want to be with someone that's been through the same experience. i don't think you're closed minded or superficial at all.

yeah, i'm saying this even though i'm a guy and i still live at home. ;-)



ps. you might wanna concentrate on guys in their late 20s... guys tend to stick it out at home a bit longer than girls...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 5:03pm
At age 36 I would not date a man who lives with his parents unless it is a family emergency or extremely temporary. My advice - date men in their late 20's or older - better chance of them having what you want - and no I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 4:52pm
The way to avoid the previous mistakes...is don't emotionally invest in them until you're sure over a span of time that you interact with him that he meets your standards...not just your needs of the moment. And never put your happiness, success, and security in the hands of osmeone else - those are emotional status quos that are yours to definea nd achieve for a lifetime - relationship or not.

And....my mother always said it's just as easy to fall for a rich man as a poor one. What she meant...took me YEARS to find out....was that if you don't want to get emotionally invested and involved with someone that doesn't share you values and interests and goals....don't affiliate beyond superficial, external and limited capacities with people that don't share your values, interests, and goals. And if they do - it'll be evident in the life that they've created....because it's evident in the life that you've created what you value, priorities and goal focus on and how you get there.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 4:04pm
I've met most of them while I was out. I am not from the area that I am currently living in so I don't know all that many people. I would never date anyone at work and get into all that nonsense so the only people I met are out. It seems that the men my age are not at the stage I am and it's really fustrating!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 3:43pm
I just have to wonder where you're meeting all of these guys. I mean, it seems a little strange that so many of your past bf's lived at home, didn't drive, etc. I think you should stick to your standards. The guy who's in school might be okay, but I'd definately leave the others alone. Just my $0.02.