Rookie at dating - need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Rookie at dating - need advice
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 9:14pm
Hey everyone! I am new to message boards and this is my first discussion. I am also new to the dating scene and would appreciate some advice. I will give you some brief history.

I married my high school sweetheart a couple of years after graduation. He was the only man that I really ever was interested in. Well the marriage failed and I have been single for a couple of years. I haven't really been interested in the men that I had met in the past couple of years and was not looking for another relationship. So I found myself in the awkward position of being the only single person in my close group of friends.

Well a few months ago I was out celebrating a friend's birthday and a guy caught my eye. It turns out he knew most of the people that were at the bar, including my friend. We talked a little bit but the night was cut short. So we didn't exchange numbers.

This was a few months ago and I keep hearing from my mutual friend about him. He is single and has asked about me. The problem is he lives an hour away. So chances of running into him are slim. The mutual friend has tried a couple of times to arrange for us to be at the same event again but it has never worked out because of conflicts in our schedule.

I am getting frustrated because I would really like to talk to him again but our mutual friend is really busy. So if anyone has some advice on what I should do I would appreciate it. I don't want to seem desperate and ask for his number. But I don't want to miss the opportunity to see this guy again. I feel like I should be able to figure this out but I am not too confident in the dating scene.

Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 10:34pm
Hi kitipart and welcome.

Maybe your friend could pass your number along to this gentleman. You did say that he's asked about you, right? How would you feel about that?

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 10:59pm
I'd just tell the mutual friend that it's okay to pass along your number. If he calls, he's interested. If he doesn't, he's not.

Good luck with it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 10:07pm
Thanks for your advice. That is surprisingly simple but it makes me a little nervous. I think I will talk to my friend and see what happens. I was just worried that it would seem inappropriate because of the 2 month period since I have met him. But I think that getting my number into his hands is the best option right now.

I will post an update. Hopefully it will be a successful story.

But if he doesn't call I won't have the lingering regrets about what could have happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 1:54pm
I think yours is a classic example of "what's meant to be/not to be." The more you keep forcing the issue--ANY issue, not just men--and if things just don't seem to fall into place, it's a sign that perhaps it's not meant to happen.

I think what's gigging you is that this guy looks like The One when in all likelhood he's The One Who's There. IOW, all your friends are involved, and how great that this guy looks like he could make you involved too and therefore "acceptable" in that Noah's Ark, twosies scene. But if things just seem to be a beat off kilter, maybe you have to look at that aspect of it--it could be nature's way of preventing you from a disaster, for all you know.

This is a big reason why I liked "trolling" personal ads. Each clown you meet was a "date," so you feel less apt to fall for the next man--ANY man, regardless of whether he's worthy of you or not--just b/c he happens to be there. Since you're out there dating and meeting men, you also learn to develop a more critical eye and can scope out the men who float into your horizon--and stay away if necessary; just b/c they're THERE doesn't mean they're worth keeping.

I think that's what's happening to you, so put this one on the back burner and concentrate on your own life, career--and try cultivating some other friends besides your married ones. I've no doubt that they are the ones who are skewing your vision of yourself as a single person. Being single can mean a lot of things, not necessarily alone and/or lonely. I betcha some of those married friends can tell you about their loneliness too; I know I never felt lonelier than when I was married.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 2:17pm
I think if he were truly interested in dating you he would make an effort to get your number and ask you out on a proper date - I have seen men make herculean efforts to get in touch with someone they were really interested in - and lukewarm interest is certainly not what you are after. Under no circumstances would I call him and I would stop asking the mutual friend questions about him - that can get to be a little overbearing.