Safety as a single

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Safety as a single
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:55pm
I've been pondering this since the other night - and I'd like to know how you feel about it. After a hockey game downtown, my guy friend said "Thanks for the ticket, see ya soon" Hugged me a left me standing outside the arena. My bus stop is right on skid row. I look around as walk there at all the couples getting into cars, and see not only other single woman in the crowd. While I wait for the bus, I watch ppl shooting up, shaking from head to toe, crying to themselves on urine soaked matteresses.

I work right next to the arena and due to my contract, I cannot drive to work. But during the day, the arena is ALOT safer - all business types really. At night, the freaks and ghouls come out.

My thought was this: If I weren't single, I probably would be walking/driving home with my bf right now. I would be safer.

So how much safer are we in r/ships? What other areas of our lives does this touch?

thanks for your sharing your thoughts with me...Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 7:15am
First, I think your friend should have waited with you for the bus - the other night I left a party with a couple (three of us were going to share a cab) and a single woman - very nice area of Manhattan - still we made sure she got the first cab. I am much safer in a relationship - for example - yesterday I had outpatient surgery at a hospital - my mother came but yes if she were not around I would not like to have to rely on a friend over a boyfriend - for ex. my friend said she would drive us home - I told her that we would take a taxi instead - and good thing as she came down with a high fever - had this been a bf he would have either come anyway or found someone else - of course I would have never blamed my friend for not being able to do it - because she is a married woman, not my boyfriend, and already went the extra mile simply by offering to pick us up - but when it comes down to it, a bf who is in love with you and cares is going to be a little more dependable than a friend and I feel more comfortable depending on a boyfriend, over a friend.

I definitely feel safer at a bar, on the subway, etc. - less chance a couple will be bothered - and just knowing that a bf will check on you at least once a day so, living alone, I would never be alone for long in a harmful situation (yes, parents and sister also call frequently but they don't live close by).

And on 9/11 I thank G-d I had Jeff in my life and someone to stay with for the several weeks after - would have hated being in my apartment alone with all the smoke, odors, and tragic air in the City and inside me.

None of this motivates me to be in a relationship - it is nice perk/fringe benefit, but when it becomes a "reason" to stay, I think it is an obvious sign the relationship is not healthy.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:51pm
I was thinking of this last night too! I had to go to the post office at night, and it was deserted. A few years back, someone was attacked there, and I was very alert. If I had someone with me, I probably wouldn't have been as guarded.

I actually don't go out after dark a lot b/c I don't like being in the dark alone. I still sleep with a night light b/c I really am scared of the dark. I think that if I had someone to go with me, my days would last longer.

Go, next time, please at least mention waiting for the bus or needing a ride. I would hate to hear about something happening to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:00pm
can you ask your guy friend for a lift to a safer location?

i'm certain he would have offered had he realised your predicament. men can be kinda clueless about the dangers that women face...

as for it being safer in relationships... i suppose it is nice for anyone to have some looking out for their safety (for both genders)...