Sane SIngle Advice please!!!!!
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 12-20-2005 - 5:10pm |
Hi everyone, I am new on this discussion board, and am looking for sane single women to share relationship ups and downs with...does anyone else out there feel like they are the only one living on this rollercoaster we call 30 and single???
I've been seeing this guy for the past couple of months...doing all the regular "dating" activities...yet he still hesitates to call it "dating" because he doesn't have time for a girlfriend. Other than the classification of the relationship...things seem to be going really well...it's only the odd occasion that I wonder if I am selling myself short. Help...who else out there is going through this????? It doesn't help that it is the holiday season and I would love to share more of it with him...but I find myself holding back so that I don't freak him out and give him reason to classify me "like all the other girls!" Man oh man....I know it isn't supposed to be easy...but come on!
Anyway ... looking for any and all input on this one girls....'specially because I just moved back to my hometown and all my girlfriends here are NOT single...and just can't give me the same piece of mind.
Thanks!!
Merry Christmas to everyone out there! :)

Hello and welcome. Just so you know, there's also a "Living Single 30 and Up" board on Ivillage.
Re your situation...what do you want from a relationship? Are you ok with the fact that it's likely this is never going to progress to something serious? He's made it clear that he doesn't "have time" for a girlfriend, but he has time for companionship and (maybe) sex (I don't want to assume anything ;-)). So long as you're ok with a limited, casual relationship, what he's offering is fine...but it sounds like you are hoping it will progress to more. I don't think that's likely based on what you've posted.
Sheri
My sentiments exactly..., he does not want any commitment but is hanging out in hopes of something more.
I don't get this guy; I have plenty of friends so I'm not looking for female pals to hang out with..., but a woman to share my life and soul with..., maybe being 45 is the difference..., I know what I want out of life.
This guy is not about commitment…, he’s not about reality either if he’s going out with a woman but won’t call it dating…, you have gone out with him alone, right bsblbabe? You’re just a friend in his eyes…, you should move on and look for someone who wants a relationship…, that is if that’s what you’re looking for.
One of two things will happen, he'll see what he is losing and will change his tune or he'll let you go. Either way your better off and you are finding what you really want. Guys tend to say that to keep their options open. Hold your ground. Good luck and it's great to meet you!
~Chloe
I don't know if you would make any use of this, but here it is. First of all, I agree with you that I would feel out of place and confused if any guy would tell me that after 2 months of seeing each other, we were just hanging out, but no probability of dating or at least trying out for something more permanent other than just friends.
I will tell you my friend's story briefly. She was "dating" this guy for about 6 months, since the beggining this guy was very guarded, insecured as he lacks trust in others (his former two gfs cheated on him). He would tell her that it would take some time for him to open up and trust in other person to get to his heart. In the meantime, they were sleeping together, going out as a couple, making plans for the future, etc..
Hovever, also during the time they were going together, he repeatedly told her that since he's been so hurt in the past, he did not want her to give herself totally to him, he would tell her that she should not love him too much, that they were only dating, that he still didn't see a future with her, not yet... In several ocassions, they ran into some of his friends at a restaurant, he would only introduced her as a good friend. She confronted him and he acted surprised that all of the sudden he had a tittle of bf! He laughed on her face! But she kept putting up with him, wanting to help him change and help him with his trust issues. She regrets now that she fell for this guy and for not paying attention to the red flags, he always denied her as a gf and never loved her at all.
So now I am taking her experience very seriously and I will believe when a guy says he doesn't want a relationship and only wants a casual interaction. Listen to your sixth sense, sometimes we put that nagging feeling aside and that is when we get hurt. Hugs and good luck to you. I know it sucks.
Thanks Chloe...I feel the same way...just have a hard time making that decision and standing by it....
Logic is easy right...but the heart isn't always logical! :) I am getting awfully close to being ready to make that decision though, just part of me hoping it won't come to that!
Kinda makes me feel like a sucker once in awhile though!
:)
Have a Merry Christmas!!
**Candy**
I don't care what kind of excuse any guy gives, whether it's the "I've been hurt before," or "I don't have time for a girlfriend," (what kind of loser excuse is that anyway?), it's just that - an EXCUSE.
What guys REALLY mean when they say this is this: "I want to wait and see what else is out there. I want to see if something "better" comes along."
If this guy gives you any of these excuses, walk away from him. And then see what happens. If he cares about you, he'll realize that you're not going to wait around for him and play his game.
And that's what this is: a game. Don't let him have any power over you.