The Satisfaction of Friendships

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
The Satisfaction of Friendships
Mon, 05-20-2013 - 10:47pm

I had a pretty busy weekend and I was thinking about how great it is to have friendships and how they almost make up for the lack of a boyfriend.

First on Fri. night I went to a dance class/practice that they have every Friday but which I haven't gone to in a while.  After it was over, I decided to go out to the nearby Mexican restaurant with a woman and a married couple.  I haven't known the married couple for that long & just found out recently that the man is also a lawyer and then Friday night we found out that we went to the same college & graduated 2 yrs apart, so we had a nice night, some laughs and then he ended up paying the bill for all of us, so I had a free night too.

Then Sat. night my friend who is a nurse was celebrating that she is finally not having to work every Sat. night--we went out to an Italian restaurant that's on the waterfront--it ended up being 10 women I think--some of them I didn't know, but it was a nice group, the dinner was really good & we had some laughs--after dinner we went to a nightclub which I don't like that much, but I figured I'd have the attitude of just going to dance with my friends and not expect to meet anyone, so that was tolerable.  I like the music but I'm not all that thrilled w/ the guys who go there.  I enjoyed the dinner part of the night more.

Then Sun. I got together w/ 3 other women to do more practicing for the dance show we are in--we went to one woman's house and after we practiced for a while, then we ate dinner together and had a glass of wine & just talked about a lot of stuff.  The 4 of us couldn't be more different--one woman is from kind of the tough part of the city, one is from Brazil and one is about 10 yrs younger than the other 3 and the only one who doesn't have kids, but we all get along.  

So I was just thinking about how valuable my friendships are, esp. the ones with women and how probably 90% of the time, I actually don't care about being with men.  I find it so much easier to be with women--more accepting, fun, you don't have to worry about being rejected for your looks.  So I wouldn't care that much about finding a man if it weren't for 2 things--I do dancing that requires a partner and the biggie--sex!  I'm just too young to give that up.


Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 3:44pm

I think it's great that you have so many options. Was this an esepcially busy weekend or do you always have this many opportunities? I go through times where my friends are very available, and others where there's no one available. I'm an introvert, so I can take more alone time than an extrovert, but that doesn't mean I want to be alone most of the time--I don't.

The thing I find difficult about building a social life is that for me anyway, I don't have much "built in" socializing. I have to make plans with someone--either I call them or they call me. It's not like I have a standing date with anyone. So, that's tiresome.

And of course, I miss sex, and casual isn't my style, so FWB is out for me. 

I have read that men, especially married men, don't have any close friends. They consider their wife their best friend. So, I thnk you're right that in general, men aren't very nurturing--everyone wants a woman for a friend it seems! But I know that men's friendships tend to be more activity oriented--they can feel sort of bonded with a guy they play golf with regualrly. They won't ever talk about anything personal, just golf and other topics they are interested in. Go figure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 8:29pm

I would have to agree with Florida... I will usually try and find someone or something to do and if they are not available then I go out alone or to a meet up .. If I dont feel like going out I will just stay home alone and watch movies or read.. I do find that lately people are disappointing me.. I mean a woman I know last week told me that she was going on a Bahamas cruise for a few days.She is single and hangs out with single women.. I mean couldnt she had even asked me? There are people that know that I am alone and unattached and they never even ask me how I am or ask me to go out..But it does seem like I am doing the planning  unless its a family thing like cousins coming over or someones birthday and we all go out as a family or with friends..

I do find that most men dont go out as much with their buddies as women do.. That is probably one of the main problems.. If they arent going out then we are not going to run into them.. Law of averages.. I would think as I have said a million times we have to go where men go.. Plus I would think the average guy would not take dance lessons so that is rare if you find a man out dancing or at a dance that would mostly be where women are..

It is nice to have men and women as friends. One reason I miss Nick so much (friend that died) He would always be available for something to do ..Its so sad how much I miss him and that but that is my ego talking.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 8:46pm

Not every weekend is this busy but since I met all these single women through dance it has become a lot easier to find people who are free to do things since there's a larger group to choose from. After I got divorced I felt like I only had 1-2 friends so if they were busy that was it.  I had a lot of weekend where I couldn't find anything to do.  Plus there are meetups now too.  Friday nights my school always has a "practice dance" from 8:30-10:00 so at least I know I have that if I have nothing else to do--sometimes are more fun than others but at least I get out of the house.  Now this coming weekend I will probably do that on Friday and then there is a family party on Sat. in the day but that's all I know about so far.  It's my best friend's (from high school days) birthday also on Sat. and she said she doesn't have any plans so we'll probably try to do something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 8:50pm

I don't think it's ego--I think it's natural to miss a friend who passed away.

There are always more single women than met at dances because a lot of times in a married couple it's the wife who gets the DH to take lessons--however I've found that at swing dances there are always plenty of single men to dance with--I don't care if they are younger, older, good looking or what, as long as they can dance--I say yes to anyone who asks me.  The last one I went to a couple of weeks ago, I was dancing all night.  

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 9:20pm

 Ah it is true Men look upon other men as either rivals,or drinking companions and are very poor comapny. 


Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 10:58pm

My best friend and I were getting all sappy about a week ago and have decided that we're soul mates, a la Sex And The City.  I only wish she lived closer.  I'm one of those people who only have a handful of very close friends and not a lot of acquaintances.  Unfortunately, though I know there's a lot of love & respect, most of them are married with kids so get-togethers are rare & everyone in my class seems to live an hour from school, in the opposite direction of my hour drive.  One of the married gals asked today what I was doing for the holiday.  I was like, ummm . . . nuttin'.  She was probably expecting some elaborate function being that I'm young-ish and single.  Not that I'm whining, because I rarely get the urge to go out.  Heck, weekends show up and I'm in relax mode.  I do kind of miss some of my old, male drinking buddies but that's another topic ;)

My bestie plans out her weekends every week, too.  Hers are like your last one almost on the regular(she also loves to dance).  

I agree though, there's nothing like good girlfriends; whether you see each other once a week or once a year!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 2:20am
Wow..sounds like you had a really fun weekend. Yes good girlfriends are really important. Especially when your H prefers to spend his weekends staying home and watching football and golf. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 10:57am

I would love to have a man to watch football with--I'm a big fan.  When I told the guy mentioned in my other post that I was a football fan, he said "Men love women who like football."  I said "well it really hasn't helped me so far."  Actually my 1st DH & I used to like watching sports together. I think it's so boring to watch golf on TV, although I don't think you could really see much better in person since it seems like they would either stay at one hole & watch everyone who comes through or move around to see one player, so you don't know what's going on in the whole match, but my 87 yr old mom is always watching golf.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 3:47pm

I am glad to hear you had such a great time! The dancing sound like fun, and it is nice to share laughs with people who are different from each other - but still can be good friends! Smile

I wish I had friends to be with like that. We had a big holiday last weekend, and the only ones I could be with with were my parents (who I love! But still...). All my friends were with a boyfriend or their family, and it feels somewhat silly to walk around with my folks like I was a kid... Anyway. I do not live near all of my best friends, and I miss them sorely. Some of them would definitely join me to the things I like, either they have family or not. The friends I have here are wonderful, but mostly too occupied to meet me for longer than two hours. I would love to meet new people who share my interests.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 10:03pm

Yes I think you really have to make an effort to find other single people to do things with.  When I was first divorced, I joined a women's group figuring that it would be good to try to make women friends first before trying to date.  There were a lot of nice women in this group, but practically all of them were married & also older, so the only time I saw them was 1-2 times a month at group meetings--like a small group of us would go out to dinner once a month, and it was very nice and I got to go to different restaurants, but I never saw any of them on weekends, which is when I needed to find people.  Plus a lot of them apparently had way more money than me (since they were married & usually 2incomes w/ grown kids) so they would be talking about their various trips and 2nd house in Florida and it was hard to relate to that.