Saw the Ex...Felt a Pang

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Saw the Ex...Felt a Pang
5
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 12:57pm

So I was on my way to Target, when I recognized the car. As I drove by, I realized that it was my exes car, faintly recognized that is was him and his wife, then quickly looked away and pulled off. I felt that sudden, cold, pang in my stomach but told myself, don't worry, no biggie, so what, get over it. My heart did excelerate for the moment, but I talked myself down.

I did go about my business that day and it hasn't really bothered me much since but it does keep popping in my mind: him and her, together, married, sharing a life, just in time for the holidays.

Ok, so what? I'm going to have fun this holiday too, I know I will.

But what bothers me is the slight pain or pang I felt in my stomach once I realized it was him. Is that a slight indication that I'm not over what happened? Or do most people feel that way when seeing an ex? I just wonder if I didn't feel anything would that mean I am truely over it? It's been over 2 years, is it possible this is still affecting me?

Do any of you still feel those pangs when running into an ex?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 2:09pm

I've only truly been in love once. We dated for about four years and I thought we would eventually get married. When it became evident that we weren't good for one another, he moved back to NJ. I live in TN. I heard he married through a mutual friend but we do not keep in touch. I don't ever have to worry about bumping in to he and his wife, luckily. Well, unless all of the planets miraculously align or something.

When I bump into eh, guys I was psuedo interested in, but it didn't work out, I usually just try to avoid them. I bumped into one in a bookstore shortly after he got engaged. I just asked to see her ring and went on about how good of a job he did picking it out. That took the edge off. I usually don't get a pang. I get really anxious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 9:40pm

I've gotten that pang too! I think it's just a rush of nerves and anxiety...you're not expecting it and then it kinda 'take you back'. Sometimes I get that little pang if I'm in the same town or city that an ex lives in, especially if he's newly married or seeing something. I think the pang is stronger if you guys haven't spoken and don't maintain even a little contact. There's an ex who I'm completely over and don't miss...we haven't talked in months but I know if we suddenly ran into each other I would feel a little 'off'.

Kudos on talking yourself down though...that's a real sign that you've moved on and have recognixed how you felt in the past and how you feel now.

Happy Holidays!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 8:35am

Thanks for the kudos and I think you are right, my ex and I haven't spoken since the breakup over 2 years ago and though we live and work near each other, I hadnt seen his car in traffic for close to a year. Plus, it is still a source of pain so that will happen.

But I'm getting better at talking myself down from moments that used to bring me mass anxiety.

Happy holidays to you as well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 12:10pm
I am not sure if that pang ever goes away when it’s someone you truly loved and cared about once. When it’s someone you didn’t truly love and dated only briefly or even for a long time but the love and passion weren’t there, then it’s just mere anxiety and awkwardness. I think you will always feel that pang, or maybe even regret as in my case, for someone you once loved and lost. In my case, I have 2 ex’s I truly loved and cared about, in different ways. Both of whom I am completely over and know in my heart of heart that I wouldn’t be happy with either one of them if we are still together and that I am so much better off and happier in my current relationship, but when I heard from a mutual friend that my one ex is getting married to the girl he started dating right after me, I felt that pang in my stomach. It’s not that I still yearn for him, but more like sadness for the loss of something that was once great, if that makes any sense. We were once so happy together, but somewhere along the lines, we both did and said things that hurt each other deeply, and I have regrets about that. So I don’t think that you are not over him, but perhaps a sense of loss and regret.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 12:05pm
I agree it's just that sense of loss and regret. Everytime I see my ex or hear about him being with someone else, my heart starts beating faster, I get all anxious, etc. It's because you once shared something so great and special and you loved him and thought you'd be together forever, but now he's with someone else and even though you know in your head that the two of you werent meant to be together, your emotions say the opposite. It doesnt mean you're not over him, it just means you realise yet again the loss of what you two once shared. And when you see him with another, it hits you yet again, that you and him are over.