Saw the New Wife
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 10:43am |
My ex had been on my mind last as I had 2 dreams of him. They are always the same, that we've reconciled and ar becoming friendly (which is something I wished had happened, instead he never spoke tome again).
Anyway, Friday I was going to the post office when I saw his car in the lot. I began to get nervous and decided to wait for him to leave to go in. I can't be in the same room with him yet. So I parked far away and waited. I began having mild anxiety at the very thought of seeing him.
But he didn't come, his new wife did. She got in his car and pulled off. I was relieved that is wasn't him. I just can't see him. I felt better.
Later at night, though, it kept popping into my head. Here I am struggling to find a guy that will return my calls, desire more than just sex or even hold my hand in public and here he was, married to the exact woman he always wanted. It sucks. I try to remind myself that even in marriages, there are problems and nothing is perfect. But I can't help but to envy her cause at least she isn't where I am. I can't even remember the last time I fell asleep in someone's arms, the last time someone held my hand, told me they loved me or that I was even told I was missed. I'm trying so hard to accept that being single is not so bad, but it can feel so crappy when you are person like me that craves romantic love and physical affection. It literally keeps me up some nights.
Not asking for sympathy, just venting. I sure would love to come home to somebody, maybe one day, I hope.

You will come home to someone someday. I know it's so hard in the meantime, and knowing your ex has moved on is even harder. But, if you want love in your life, eventually you will have it -- because the important things (like love) are worth working for.
It takes patience and sometimes a little hard work in looking(and believe me, I'm with you on this), but it will happen for you.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
That sucks.
You know something? There was a period after I left my husband (for cheating and abusing me) and before meeting my new husband where I was in the same place that you are. I felt that loneliness amd sadness. I almost missed my cousin's wedding because I thought I couldn't stand to see someone else so happy. I thought I would never feel that again. BUT, I had never felt it BEFORE because I was with the wrong man. Now that I'm with the right man, I see that the pain that I was suffering was unnecessary.
The best way I can tell you is that God has to clear the "wrong" stuff out of your life to make room for the "right" stuff. That's nothing to be sad about. If I knew then (when I was single) what I know now, I would have spent that time rejoicing and being happy! I would have spent that time being good to myself and preparing for the wonderful life I was ABOUT to have.
If your marriage didn't work, and he's with her, it's exactly as it's supposed to be. You just have to let go of what you HAD (I know it's hard) and focus on what's coming. Really, trust me, you CHOOSE everything that happens in your life. If you want someone to love you, just choose to have that and eventually it will come.