Scared of Commitment?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2005
Scared of Commitment?
5
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 9:07pm
Hi Everyone,
I'm new to the message board. My name is Katie, I'm 20 years old and I was hoping for some advice. I have a good "guy friend" named Alan. I met him a couple months ago at work. We discovered we both liked bike riding so we decided to go biking together. We went biking and had a pretty good time than we started doing more things together. I went with him and his friends to the beach for a couple days and had a good time. That's where things started getting a little blurry. We started having these little tickling matches, and would wrestle and play around. I would wrap my legs around him when we were in the water at the beach. In other words, we were acting like a couple. So since then we've spent almost every day together, he has met my family, I've met his. We've gone hiking together, camping, rock hunting (he loves searching for cool rocks), biking... When we watch tv we are all curled up together, he strokes my hair and kisses me, well anyway, you get the idea. Well, this is all great stuff and I'm having a wonderful time, but whenever he introduces me to his friends or family, he introduces me as a friend. Now, this sometimes bothers me and other times doesn't. It bothers me after he acts like my "boyfriend", then introduces me as a "friend." He calls me all most everyday. I've been out with a couple guys since we've become "friends," but I feel kind of wierded out by the whole situation. Sometimes it seems like he emphasizes the whole friend thing by saying things like "have a goodnight, friend" "Would you like another drink, my friend" But then he'll turn around and kiss me or wrap his arm around me. Ok, maybe this is the classic case of a guy who doesn't want to commit? I also feel kind of awkward telling him I went to the movies or hiking with another person. I don't know if I'm over thinking this or blowing this out of proportion. I know I should be open with him about this, but I have a fear of making things awkward between us. I love how things are now in some ways. In some ways I like the idea of being friends because I feel like things have a better chance of lasting, but I don't like the feeling of being a "Friend with benefits"! Sorry about rambling on, I'd appreciate any feedback you have.
~Sincerely Confused Girl
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 11:20pm

I can understand why you are confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 9:29am
It seems like you're comfortable enough around each other to talk to him about it. I'd just tell him you'd like to know where you stand and if you're dating just each other or how he feels about you dating others. You'll probably be able to tell by his reaction to that question whether or not he thinks of you as his girlfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 1:51pm
I might be way off here, but this seems easy to me... I think he keeps throwing the "friend" word around and especially emphasizing it, because he's probably gauging your reaction to it. I'd say he wants to hear you say that you think you two are becoming more than friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 6:59pm

You wouldn't happen to live in Illinois would you? Sounds just like another Alan I know. I am just kidding....... Just give it time. Maybe he doesn't want his friends and family giving him crap right now, so therefore he calls you his "friend". My experience with guys, is they tend to "verbalize" how they feel about you with behaviors, not words. Give it time and if he is still giving you the "friend" treatment, than move on cause he only sees you in that manner.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 4:44pm
The only way you can truly find out why he does what he does is to OBVIOUSLY ask him. If you're getting along as well as you say you are, you shouldn't be scared to approach him with this question. It is not like you are asking him to marry you and I know if I was in your place I would be irrated that we act more like boyfriend/girlfriend but yet he introduces me as his friend. Just be upfront and if you can't see yourself asking him face to face send him an email.
BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker