Second chances

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Second chances
18
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 6:01pm
Do you give them? I'm considering giving a guy I was seeing in May another shot. We hung out a bit last night (we ended up in the same place), and we've been talking again. He knows I was seeing someone else for awhile. I'm not sure if that'll motivate him to try a little harder this time or not. I guess we'll see! I'm going to see his band tonight with a friend. I figure even if he doesn't deserve another shot, it's better than being home alone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
In reply to: shywon
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 7:05pm

Yes, I do give second chances.  But I ask myself what is different this time.  Am I different, is he different?  If you feel like you're just replaying the same scene - stop it faster than you did the first time.  I am wishing that this works for you though!

Side note <Oooh, I was able to sign in.  Thanks Ivillage!>  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: shywon
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 7:44pm

Well May was not that long ago.  I'd probably give him a 2nd chance but be cautious.  The only 2nd chance experience that I had was a guy I met on OLD--we went out twice, then he never called.  Several months later, we were both on OLD again and he started emailing me--I definitely was not going to suggest getting together but he did.  Well we went out on one more date and that was that.  So I was never that into him and maybe it was better to go out on that date to determine that we weren't meant for each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: shywon
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 8:57pm

I say just go out and have a good time watching the band  with no expectations. If nothing else comes of it you might just end up getting a new friend out of the relationship.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: shywon
Sat, 07-13-2013 - 9:27am

Second chances have not worked out well for me.  I can forgive but never forget And that doesn't always translate into a healthy relationship.  

Did ya have fun?  

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: shywon
Sat, 07-13-2013 - 9:29am

Second time replying, my apologies for duplicates.  Sigh.

I can forgive but not forget so second chances do not really work out well for me.

Did you have a good time?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Sat, 07-13-2013 - 11:46am

I had fun. Didn't talk to him much, but he said that would happen since he was playing. At one point, some really drunk chick made it clear that she wanted him. I'm not the jealous type, but I did not like that at all!  He didn't seem to be enjoying the attention, so I thought about flirting with him rather obviously, but I didn't. I'm just going to treat him like a friend with potential at this point. My friend and I are going out again tonight (making the most of the dwindling summer) and if I see someone I want to talk to, I have no problem with doing that! I just hope the last guy isn't there. I don't really ever want to see him again.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Sat, 07-13-2013 - 9:38pm

 Shy do not be so hasty!   IMO it seems that you are quite serious about dating as if you have a goal.  That is sometimes nonverbal but people will pick that up with out realizing what it is that bothers them.  It is like a burr under a saddle. 

chaika

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 12:28pm

I do have a goal. We aren't all just after sex like you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 12:45pm

I agree with Shywon on this one.  You don't want a relationship, which is fine for you, but Shy does want one (not to speak for her, but that's what I gather)--so don't you think that people should find this out about each other so that people aren't wasting each other's time if what they want is different?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 1:33pm
You are definitely right. I want marriage, babies- the whole package. This guy is 30, so it's not like he's too young to know what he wants by now. I have made it clear to him that I don't just want sex. If I continue to hear from him, that's a good sign. I did meet another guy last night, but he's only 25 and seemed like a player. I wouldn't date him, but it might be nice to have a distraction so I don't worry about if A is going to text or call. I'm going to keep going out and meeting new people. That doesn't seem to be a problem lately! I was out with my friend last night (this one is single- not my married girlfriend) and we weren't sitting down three minutes before two guys (one was the 25 yo) came over and sat with us. About an hour later, two more joined- not their friends, either. Once my married girlfriend showed up, I think it made her a little uncomfortable- like she suddenly realized that ring on her finger didn't have special powers that made her better than us. We were the ones getting attention, and she didn't like it!

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