Second chances

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Second chances
18
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 6:01pm
Do you give them? I'm considering giving a guy I was seeing in May another shot. We hung out a bit last night (we ended up in the same place), and we've been talking again. He knows I was seeing someone else for awhile. I'm not sure if that'll motivate him to try a little harder this time or not. I guess we'll see! I'm going to see his band tonight with a friend. I figure even if he doesn't deserve another shot, it's better than being home alone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 11:53am

Oh Julia, that's a classic.  There are so many guys (and I'm sure women do it too) who tell the woman right from the beginning that they dont' want a relationship and yet the woman is hanging in there, I'm sure hoping that he'll change his mind and he eventually does--but usually with someone else!  If someone said that to me right away, I'd hope Id' say don't waste my time then, or fine we can be friends but meanwhile I'll be looking for another guy who is actually available for a relationship.

As far as guys who are "busy with work" sure it can happen but I'd think if it's legit, they'd explain whether they are always busy (you know, a guy who works 60 hours a week is probably not the best candidate for a BF) or if it's some project, when this project is expected to end.  And you have to think about what kind of job they have--you expect a CPA to be very busy getting toward April but if the guy has some kind of job where it's unlikely that he works more than 40 hours a week, then be skeptical.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 9:36am

 

Hey Gleannfia!

There's another classic I've had the misfortune to experience: 'I really do care about you. But I have been hurt in the past..and that's why I don't want to get close to anyone at the moment'. I can't believe I truly thought at the time; 'wow..how beautifully he expressed his innermost...deepest feelings....for me..' Ha ha ha..haaaa ha ha ha.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
In reply to: shywon
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 9:15am
Couldnt agree more Gleannfia, as always..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 9:05am

Unfortunately for me, I found that out the hard way. From my experience, people do what they want to do.  When I was younger, I always believed men who told me that they wanted to see me, but were just too busy with......(kids-soccer games seemed to be the big thing), (work-there was always some big project or deadline), or some other commitment. I finally realized that if a man wants to see you, he will find a way to do so. Even the president makes time for date night.

Of course, there area always exceptions.  But just like in the movie, "He's Just Not that into You", most of us are the rule, not the exception.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 8:03am

 

Second chance..?

Based on what the OP posted, the bloke in question didn't even particularly want the first and made it abundantly clear? And he certainly did not ask for the second?

Then again..OP knows best...I  hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 6:03am

In my opinion and experience, it only makes sence to agonise *should i or should i not*, if actually ASKED for a *second chance*.. and.. again, in my opinion and repeated experience - a man is never *busy with work* when he is interested, really interested..

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 7:12pm

We've been picking the bones with them over the issues for almost a year now. I'm convinced the tech team is incompetent. 

As for the guy, it was so short lived the first time that I didn't really get a chance to know him to even see if I'd want to make it long term. He said he just got busy with work and that's why I stopped hearing from him. I dunno. I'm not holding my breath or anything, but I do like him so I'm not going to reject him just yet. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 5:35pm

Not to get off on a tangent here, but I finally was able to reply after my fifth login attempt of being told I'm not authorized to comment or post on the boards!  Who the heck is in charge of the boards here on the Village? I have a bone to pick with somebody!!!  Sheesh!

I only give second chances when it depends on the situation and/or the person.  A few people in my life I've given second and even third chances to just to be hurt all over again.  And then that's why I finally have to sever the cord.  Some people can change for the good and some just can't get it together no matter what.  If this guy starts doing the same thing all over again like before, then I wouldn't get too involved with him.  You just have to play it by ear, IMO.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 1:33pm
You are definitely right. I want marriage, babies- the whole package. This guy is 30, so it's not like he's too young to know what he wants by now. I have made it clear to him that I don't just want sex. If I continue to hear from him, that's a good sign. I did meet another guy last night, but he's only 25 and seemed like a player. I wouldn't date him, but it might be nice to have a distraction so I don't worry about if A is going to text or call. I'm going to keep going out and meeting new people. That doesn't seem to be a problem lately! I was out with my friend last night (this one is single- not my married girlfriend) and we weren't sitting down three minutes before two guys (one was the 25 yo) came over and sat with us. About an hour later, two more joined- not their friends, either. Once my married girlfriend showed up, I think it made her a little uncomfortable- like she suddenly realized that ring on her finger didn't have special powers that made her better than us. We were the ones getting attention, and she didn't like it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 12:45pm

I agree with Shywon on this one.  You don't want a relationship, which is fine for you, but Shy does want one (not to speak for her, but that's what I gather)--so don't you think that people should find this out about each other so that people aren't wasting each other's time if what they want is different?

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