Seemingly Perfect

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Seemingly Perfect
23
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 5:10pm

I'm...friends with this guy (The same guy I've mentioned here plenty of times, if anyone remembers me). We're friends, but...he doesn't date anyone and I don't date anyone. Neither one of us decided to be exclusive, but...it came so naturally. We just don't feel the desire to date others. We spend at least six hours on the phone together every day and we see each other maybe once a week.

We got into a HUGE argument, but...considering how easy it was for both of us to do everything we could to not lose each other over it, I only loved him more.

He seems perfect, yeah? Well...

For one, he gives me all of these excuses for why we can't be together. He says he's afraid of meeting my mom because of some outlandish things she's said about his plans for me. He says he's been hurt before by other women in and outside of his family (which I do believe). He says because I'm black (He's white), it's too much of a big deal to the southern people here for him to date me. Yes, he has many, many excuses.

Secondly, he's ALWAYS talking about how women are all over him (which I do not believe). There's one girl in particular that he's always talking about. She's beautiful (In fact, she's the reigning pageant queen at my school), but...I am constantly reminded of how beautiful he thinks she is because he's always telling me.
He tells me I'm beautiful, "easy on the eyes" and such...but gee...he talks about her A LOT.

What do you think?

I think that...I should possibly consider dating someone else, but...I really like him. I love him, in fact. We've only been "friends" for three months, so I'm not rushing anything, but...I know that I do love him. I'm not in love with him because he has some serious character flaws (such as extreme arrogance) that make it really hard for me.
He's a very passionate, smart, funny, driven guy. He spends all of his free time with me, and I with him. I think he's perfect for me, but...he's giving me all of these excuses that I don't buy and he's always talking about Ms. Pageant Queen...

*sigh*

Thanks in advance for your advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 3:23pm
The problem, bbw, is that this guy gets furious at her if she leaves other doors open, and I don't think that's fair since he's refusing to make her his girlfriend.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 3:56pm
It isn't fair. I agree with you. However, for whatever reason, she doesn't seem to mind. I'm not judging because I know I've been there before myself. I don't know this woman's mindset, but I know that when I allowed guys to control me like that in the past, I was suffering from esteem issues. I use the word control loosely b/c I haven't read any other posts from akisstoremember but if what you say is true, it does seem like a control issue and he very well may be just playing a mind game with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 7:00pm
Yeah, it's very easy to see things from the outside looking in.

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