Selection of men vs. women on OLD

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Selection of men vs. women on OLD
8
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 1:03pm

Yes, I'm still doing the online thing, and yesterday I ran a search of men to see who was new. I was searching in the 57 to 64 range. The usual came up: overweight, grizzled, ungroomed men, shirtless, holding a fish, wearing ball caps, scowling, looking for women 20 years younger.

So I decided to search my competition. Who are these women who are getting the guy I should be getting? I searched for women 57 and 58. It was like a 180 from the men. I was pretty amazed. There were many, many bright, well-kept, well-dressed, normal weight, articulate, attractive women. Of course there were the bleached blonde boob-job women in tank tops, and a few very homely ones, but all in all, they looked really good. I wanted to write to them and ask if we could be friends! 

So I don't feel so bad that I'm not meeting anyone (right now) from OLD, since there seem to be so many attractive, together women also looking, and presumably fielding the same pathetic winks and poorly-written emails that I am. It just seems like we're shopping in an empty store!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 1:20pm

I've done a search like that before. The women in my age range were also pretty together. The men were either like you described or way over the top in their descriptions. I don't know how these Midwestern men are having so many adventures.  Their profiles made me tired just reading them. I haven't looked in awhile, but I assume it's the same. There are far more decent women out there than men, from my observations. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 2:14pm

That's interesting.  I've never done a search of the women in my area but I know that every time I go out (women I know from my friends or from meetups) there are plenty of single women who don't seem to have anything wrong with them who can't find a BF.  And in meetups they are always complaining that the single women outnumber the men.  Yet I've read that on OLD it's harder for men to find a woman--how can that be?

I was complaining to a friend or mentioning really that I looked on OLD and there were just so many men in my age group (50's) in my area (cause I live near a big city)--there are literally hundreds, yet the funny thing is that I am inspired to contact hardly any of them.  Of course there are a whole bunch that I've already contacted and they weren't interested so I have to rule them out--but obviously they haven't found anyone yet since they are still on the site.  So my friend pointed out that after we exclude the men who are lying about being single, the ones who are lying about their age (which is easier to tell by their pictures), the ones who are nutty, the ones we really don't have any common interests with (such as the hunting/fishing/camping or the ones who are really into motorcycles or for me the ones who are really really athletic like doing triathlons and want a woman who can do that with them), the ones who are not that smart, etc.--well the numbers really go down.

And I am not putting down men as all being undesirable.  Some of the things like having different interests aren't putdowns--it just means that we aren't made for each other. 

but it's true that in real life I do know more appealing single women than single men.  Then I think the problem is that when you do find a nice, pretty good looking guy who has a job and some interests and is pretty normal--well then he pretty much gets his pick of all those great women cause he really has the power to choose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 9:34pm

I guess we are all never going to have the answer to any of this.. I think its all different reasons and for us in our fifties its most likey age and demographics.. I can bet dollars to donuts there is someone out there for us but we have to find them and they could be in another state or country... But how does that work?

I know a woman who lived right near me who was dating a guy who lived in Seattle? After three years he broke up with her and she was devastated.. I for one dont think LDR work..Oh;and she is about my age and he was ten years older or that is what she told me.....

There are def. more women than men and then add the men who dont care about their appearance and viola more problems.. Laws of averages..

Dont kill me but sometimes I think and me included we are bunch of snobs and online dating we cant really see or tell what is up or down with these men or women.. I mean its way different than real life.. Another issue.

So add in all of this crap and its like pulling out wisdom teeth to find a mate.. (just saying)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 06-08-2013 - 10:52am

One reason I think OLD doesn't work that well is that you judge people a lot more on their appearance and superficial things than if you met someone first in person.  The first thing you do is scan the pictures--if you don't think someone looks good, you won't even click on their profile to read it.  Plus I don't think a lot of people are really good at writing.  So there are probably a bunch of men on there that are the middle ground--they don't stand out but they aren't terrible, so you just don't know what to think.  Maybe if we met one of those men in person, we might think "oh he's a nice guy, I'll give him a chance" but on a profile it's just kind of blah so there's not that incentive to contact him.

I don't think LDRs work either--at least not across the country.  I know I don't have the money to be flying off places and taking time off from work, plus what is the point?  I want someone I can see on a regular basis, not someone I can visit only once in a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 06-08-2013 - 11:53am

Hi Music.;

I would so have to agree with you 100 percent on what you wrote..

Yes we might change our minds  we met one of these guys in real life instead of online and visa versa...

Too bad matchmakers are so expensive because that might be a way to find someone...

Oh; I can also bet men are not typing in women over the age of 50.. Remember my sis's boyfriend.. Not sure if I told you guys but he told me that he was looking for a woman who was under 50 and he is 52 .. Sis is 53 and he said he made an exception for her.. oh; and he isnt that great (just saying)

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 06-08-2013 - 1:52pm

I agree with you, too, Music. It is far too superficial online to give the average person a chance. I never knew quite what to say about myself in my profile, or what not to say.  If a guy couldn't spell or capitalize, I'd stop reading right away. To me, that's just lazy. I wouldn't know that about a guy if I'd just met him in person, though.  There are so many things you learn from a profile that you don't know just by smiling from across a room and saying hi. It's far more limiting. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sun, 06-09-2013 - 9:51am
"I don't know how these Midwestern men are having so many adventures." That line of yours cracked me up Shy! So true about women online too.
 
When I tried it years ago, so many women wrote about their adventures, I do keep active with a lot of things so at first that sounded great. But the reality turned out that most of them seem to really spend their time sitting online on dating sites, or it's "someday" they would like to do the things they claim to have already done. Not good starting out a conversation and finding fibs right away.
 
And the pictures are usually how someone looks on their best day ever, not their typical day. It all seemed so superficial, I never understood how people expect to meet someone if they want to live in a fantasy world about their life and looks. Online has worked for several friends but I couldn't make it through the bs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Sat, 06-15-2013 - 10:46am

As a 45-yo man who's been around the block a couple of times, I can let you ladies in on a few not-so-secrets about why there seem to be so few dateable older men (and I speak as a house-proud, openly asexual straight man who never understood the typical bachelor definitions of "fun").

Generally, men think convenience: women think formality. This is why there are so many male slobs on the market. We simply don't see the need to dress up like Victorian-era earls just to go out to the supermarket to pick up something to jaw.

Men also tend to be pleasure-centered. Personally, I dislike beer (or anything else with alcohol in it), but to a lot of men, beer is a vitamin. Give the average man a case of beer, a butt-sprung couch, and a TV set, and he'll be on the ultimate high. (Now me, I prefer to make things, but whatever.) This pleasure-centeredness is also why so many men like to do the pump-and-dump thing---near as I can understand, these guys close their eyes and imagine a gold trophy cup every time they get their sex fix.

One thing I've noticed about the majority of women regardless of age is their need to travel. I can't understand this for the life of me, because I'm a Home Sweet Home kind of person who get homesick VERY quickly when I'm away somewhere. TBH, there's nothing in Europe or anywhere else that I really need to see.

I've tried everything to distance myself from the stereotype of the beer-guzzling, TV-watching, sex-having single man: I have a steady job (and my ambition is forcing me to get a job where I can be my own boss), I inherited the house 6 years ago and managed to hang onto it despite making barely 1.5X minimum wage, I know when it's ok to dress like a slob and when to get dolled up... but nothing works for me online, because I'm male. Women hardly ever take the initiative and pick men. Funny how some people would say I've been lucky in life, but I've NEVER been lucky in love.

Yes, I have probably just over 1/2 of my s. together, and yes, I know what I like and what I don't---I don't care if people call me anal for having a laundry list---but this makes no difference with OLD. Nobody reads anymore.

That's why I started a meetup group. I may not meet the woman who's just right for me, but I can take some satisfaction knowing I'm doing my little bit to try to clean up the huge mess that OLD allowed us to create. With a little luck, I might even encourage imitation.