Selling out

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Selling out
32
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:47pm

I kind of realized something last week.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:44pm

I wasn't really sure when I wrote that, but I think I know why now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:47pm

>>See, you bring up something else. I don't want to feel like I'm giving into the whole "health nut" craze. It's not likely I'll end up losing much (those three pounds are back on this morning...go figure), and it seems like I always end up getting sick during my attempts to lose anything.

I dunno why, but the whole "let's be healthy" craze just annoys me.<<

Well, I guess I'm on that health-nut bandwagon because both of my parents struggle with chronic illnesses, and cancer and heart disease both run in my family. Making healthy choices helps me feel like I'm at least doing something to prevent those things.

For you, it sounds like you just hate being a "joiner." I'm the same way - I hate wearing the latest fashion trends because I don't want to look like every other woman out there. Currently, I refuse to wear the big, poufy skirts and wedges that are all the rage. The problem? It's next to impossible to find anything in the stores that bucks the trends. Flat sandals? Do those exist anymore?

I want to be seen as different, special. Don't we all? Nothing wrong with that - but there's also nothing wrong with jumping on the bandwagon for something just because you WANT to (for you) and not because "everyone else is doing it." You're not truly just jumping on the bandwagon if you are making an independent decision to walk, be healthy, wear clothes you like, etc.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:56pm

>>I get so tired of watching people pick at salads or drink their food simply in the name of being "healthy." <<

Hmm. I wonder if the folks you describe are *really* doing it in the name of being "healthy"? Or if they are obsessing about weight and fitting into their string bikinis this summer. I think those are two entirely different things, personally.

For me, eating well and exercising has a lot less to do with weight than it does with overall health and longevity. Sure, for some, losing some weight does equal being healthier (reduced risk of heart disease, diabetes, etc). In your case, you say you often get really sick when you try to lose weight. Maybe your current weight is your "happy weight" - I think our bodies all have a set point where they feel and work the best, and that's different for everyone. Maybe you don't need to lose weight at all, and your body is perfectly fine and healthy where it is. Some of those size 0 girls are far less healthy than the size 16s.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:56pm

What you experience is exactly what I don't want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 1:56pm

Haha, sorry, I just have an aversion to cottage cheese....I suppose I shouldn't assume everyone does. :) Tofu isn't so bad either, but I was just trying to make a "diet food" fads point. Like I said, I drink soymilk, so I'm not really one to talk TOO much. :)

I guess what I was trying to say is that dieting for fad's sake's not a good idea and I agree with you that counting calories and whatnot is just going to be detrimental. I have a friend who went on the Atkins diet and it completely screwed her body up. Eating healthy, for me, is just a lifestyle and something I have come to genuinely enjoy (it was definitely a gradual change). Good food and healthy food don't necessarily have to be two different things.

As for bad intentions, I tend to have a pretty good BS detector and know pretty well when someone's either using me or has the potential to use me. I have a pretty good body and have never really felt as though I was being used for sex. Most guys that truly hit on me at a bar or someplace, I usually don't give a second glance anyway, or I flirt there and don't go out with them again. Occasionally I meet someone I feel is genuine and at the very least being nice, but not all that often. At bars, I'm saying, mind you. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:02pm

No, size 0's are made for teeny people like me! haha :) I'm 4'11" and that's the only reason I'm a 0. I don't get that most pants are still way too long for me...most people would definitely NOT be healthy at 5'8" and a size 0.

Yeah, I often feel like I don't eat ENOUGH food to be healthy...I have a lot of trouble with the 3-5 servings (each) of fruits and vegetables, but I feel like I'm getting better at sneaking them in there. I don't have any trouble with the dairy though, I'm a cheese fiend, haha.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:22pm

I think you said some important things in that post that you should seriously look into.

First "I also think that part of it is that I think I'm pretty darn great the way I am, and changing anything would be my way of admitting I'm not "good enough" now."

So if this is how you feel, what makes you want to change in the first place? Do you want to do the walking because it will make you a healthier individual? Are you scared that if you start walking you will start losing weight and maybe deep down that isn't what you want. It is not uncommon at all for a lot of women to kind of use their weight as a shield against attention. Based on my experiences, I can most definitely see why.

I do enjoy the fact that I consider my body fairly attractive, but if I could trade myself with someone who has a more normal body (not overweight, but say not a size 0 or 2, which is what I am), and didn't have the obsessive thoughts I have, I would in heart beat. These obsessive thoughts keep me single because I'm so terribly afraid to get invovled with a guy, start falling for him, not keep up my dietary and exercise habits, gain weight and have him dump me. That's probably irrational thinking and it's something I'm working on myself (it's my own personal issue - aka 'bagage' I guess so to speak), but basically, if you are happen with everything in your life right now, don't change. Personally I think the risks outweigh the benefits. If you have some type of health issues then okay, I could see making some changes to that.

With regards to becoming obsessive in order to lose weight, most definitely it helps to track everything but it is possible to do without, but you do have to be willing to make some sacrifices. Obviously you cannot go off eating junk food because you enjoy it and expect to lose weight. You definitely do not need to eat 100% clean though all the time. I know plenty of people who get down to very low bf's (fitness competitors) who eat junk food but it's at certain times and is planned for (but there again..you are going back to planning).

You also should look into other issues you might be eating, do you emotionally eat? do you find you are more hungry after a large meal containing carbohydrates? both are reasons you could have difficulty losing weight without tracking. Really dieting is all about finding out what works for you. There isn't one perfect solution because everyone's body is different. I do count and track the calories and am trying to get away from it but it's a hard habit to break free from. Generally though, over the years I've learned better how my body reacts to certain foods and what I feel best on, so in that regard it is slightly easier.

It's more my fear of guys just being interested in me for sex or them breaking up with me if my body changed that bothers me at this point. Calorie counting and all that I don't mind horribly, I'm so used to it, plus I'm at the point now where it's fairly easy for me to resist foods if I want to. In your case, I mostly worry about the psychological issues that could be in store for you more than anything.

Anyway...sorry that got off on a tanget. Just trying to show that being on the other side isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

-oh and for the other poster, no offense taken on the cottage cheese. I used to HATE the stuff too, then I just learned how to make it so I like it and now it's like my own version of ice cream (My biggest food weakness...and possibly why I now eat 4 bowls of cottage cheese a day. :) )

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:44pm

I know exactly what you're talking about with the "selling out" thing. I've been on both sides of this coin.

I'm 5'7" and used to be about 200 pounds and a size 16/18 at my heaviest. I went on a diet and exercise kick and lost about 60 pounds in a year and went down to a size 7/8. The change was dramatic - especially in the way people (men especially!) treated me. I guess it should have made me happy but it did the opposite.

Suddenly men who wouldn't give me the time of day were suddenly friendly. I had a "friend" who I had been interested in (and of course he wasn't) suddenly be attentive to me, friendly, wanting to hug me good-bye and so forth. GAG. And at the time I was doing the online dating thing - I posted a new photograph with my new image and got a response from a guy I had already MET during my heavy time. I laughed when I got his response and wrote him back and told him who I was and since we had already met and he didn't seem interested I didn't think it was going to be worth meeting again but thanks for trying! He wrote back with the "well, I was really busy with work (**why do they ALWAYS use this loser excuse??**) but really enjoyed meeting you and would like to do it again!... blah, blah, blah..." Yeah right. I bluntly told him I wasn't stupid and, once again, NO THANKS.

And even WHEN I did get down to that weight, my body type STILL didn't allow me to wear those cute clothes you see on those size 0 manequins. I'm the "apple" body type: I have big upper arms so sleeveless things looks stupid on me, I have a huge chest and I still had a lot of abdomen fat because that's where it all goes on the women in my family. I would literally have to develop an eating disorder to lose that fat and I'm not doing that because I don't care enough to risk my health for a standard.

Anyway my point is, yeah, it's tough. Even now, at this point, I've gained back about 15 pounds because with everything I've got going on in my life I can't squeeze in an hour and a half workout every single day. If I want to maintain THAT body standard, THAT's what I have to do - and I'm not sure I WANT to become obsessive about it. I'm still pretty darn healthy and can wear a size 8/10, but I don't want to become defined by my dress size and what I can put in my mouth, KWIM?

I think if you're doing it for the RIGHT reason - you want to be healthy, you want more energy, you want to control heredity issues (for me - diabetes, hypertension and hyperlipidemia), then you're doing it for the RIGHT reasons. The weight loss will just be a side-effect of your lifestyle changes. But don't plan on losing weight just to please others. And if/when you become one of those skinny women, you've already got your head on straight because you've been there. And you'll be better able to sniff out those jerks who are only interested in you because of your size.

To finish off this novel - I think we should strive for the best body WE can have. It may not be what's on the cover of Maxim this week, but that's okay. It's not worth obsessing over. What's important is being happy with yourself. (Cliche? Yeah - I know.) :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:58pm
Just wanted to say emdeesea, that was a really great post. You're able to put it into words a little better than I am. Plus, reading that helps give me perspective too. I really need to stop worry quite so much on what men think of my looks and focus on just being healthy myself. I'm not happy in my life right now, sure I'm happy with my body but the rest of me is miserable a lot of the time and that's not a good way to live.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
In reply to: cl_shywon
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 3:23pm

*******To finish off this novel - I think we should strive for the best body WE can have. It may not be what's on the cover of Maxim this week, but that's okay. It's not worth obsessing over. What's important is being happy with yourself. (Cliche? Yeah - I know.) :) *********

Very well expressed post.
Cliché sometimes becomes that way because it is a timeless truth.