serious fears of rejection

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2006
serious fears of rejection
3
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 5:30pm
after ending a very unhealthy eight-year relationship, i have been single for six years. during that time, i have "dated", and would only call one of those an actual "relationship" and it lasted 6 months. i feel amazed sometimes that other people are able to find someone and be happy. i can never even seem to get a relationship off the ground without crashing and burning during the "90-day probationary period". i recently had four dates with a guy, i thought things were going well, and then he never called me again. about a week ago i met a guy while out with a group of friends, and ended up sleeping with him. logic tells me this is not the ideal way to begin a relationship, but stranger things have happened... i am so afraid each time i meet someone new, because that all-too-familiar feeling of being rejected is so awful. i try to date all different types of men, and try to remain positive and optimistic. but i am so frequently disappointed that i have come to expect it. i don't think i sabotage anything, all i try to do is be myself and let things go where they may. i know the alcohol-induced hook-up isn't the way to go, but sometimes i am just so lonely and desparate for some affection that i can't stand it. am i stupid to expect anything to come from this one night hook up? there was a connection, but i don't know if it was all from the alcohol. am i the only one who feels like it's just never going to work out for me?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 6:15pm

I'm always waiting for the crash and burn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 6:02pm
Well you have to look at the type of guys you are with. Some guys are just looking for sex and some are looking for something more than that. Don't be dismayed, but learn from what has happened. Also alcohol can make things fun but I don't think we are at our bests when we are drunk. One good thing to do is tell a guy straight up what you want and looking for. Maybe that will weed out any players that don't want to put the effort. If a guy really likes you he will stick with it for awhile. Play kind of hard to get and don't put out so fast. And remember Guys fear rejection too, sometimes more than women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 7:45pm
I think it sounds like you know yourself and it's good to actually look to see if there are any self-defeating behaviors. But this is what I tell myself after each heart break or bad date, is that it only takes one guy to turn all these feelings around. Until then, you have to endeaver all the wrong ones.....