The setup

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
The setup
3
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:10am

About a month ago a couple of my friends were talking at work how they wanted to find me a guy. The one friend J who happens to a be male said he had a really great guy for me. My girlfriend A mentionned their conversation to me and I made a joke with J about him having this friend he was holding out on me. He kind of laughed and said oh yeah you could go to his work and check him out. I didn't feel comfortable doing that. He said that this friend is quite picky. I took it as he didn't think his friend would be interested in me. (Fair enough I am not your average girl I am quite tall and not very petite.) A couple weeks went by and every now and again we would make a joke about his friend and being setup but nothing was done. He would tell me how his friend would ask him to find him someone since he must know girls from work. (But he never said that he mentionned me to this friend) According to J this friend himself claims not to be picky. (So I am not quite sure how to interpret the picky thing) IN the meantime we had had a couple of things at work ie potlucks and such. J mentionned to me afterwards that he told this friend I could cook and was good at it. He said his friend was really impressed. Last week another guy at work said he was going to set me up with his friend. So I joked about J's suggestion and then not pulling through with the setup. J turned around and said you know why I didn't set you up. I said oh yeah because he is too picky. He said no it's because I am jealous and I wouldn't want to share you. I took it purely as a joke because that is the sort of relationship we have. I said well you never asked me out so how should I know you would be jealous. (playing along with his joking sarcastic tone.) He just kind of scauffed at me and that was the end of it. Well yesterday I sent him a text message Congratulating him on Portugal's win because we had a bet going on it. He replied thanks with a joke and a PS that his friend said he wanted to meet me. I said ofcourse lets set it up. So far no attempts and yes I realize it's only been since yesterday evening.

My questions/concerns are do you think or does anyone think J will pull through with the setup? Should I stay optimistic since he said his friend said he wants to meet me so obviously he has talk to him about me. Should I be concerned by the picky comments?

What is proper setup "ettiquette" (for lack of a better term.)? Does anyone have any tips pre post and during? I have never been setup before.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: kheta13
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:38pm

Setups are so awkward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: kheta13
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 3:41am
First off, don't put so much pressure on this "set up". It seems maybe you have high expectations. You may not even like the guy, but all you're worried about is what he'll think of you. I say, if the set up happens go into it with an open mind. If you hit it off, great. If not, try again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2006
In reply to: kheta13
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 8:50am

There are lots of vague nuances to assorted references in your posting. First, J may really be wanting you to himself, but because of his insecurities, he won't ask you out. He may be even testing you to see if you're interested in dating by talking about setting you up. Then, he can find out what your level of interest is and what kind of guys you are interested in.

The other thing is that those who do the setting up hate to be blamed if things go wrong. Sometimes that can be an issue.

A low pressure setting to meet all of these assorted men with a bunch of girlfriends at a happy hour setting or something like that would be the best arrangement. Don't be surprised if your friend, J, either doesn't show or doesn't invite his friend. You may have to confront him about his true intentions and true feelings if he still falters at introducing you to his male friends.

Good luck!