Sex and the Stupid

Avatar for redsh0e
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Sex and the Stupid
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 2:12pm
Here's the story. A few months ago I lost my virginity. It wasn't particularly a conscious effort, but I didn't exactly plan when or where it would happen. I was drunk. He was drunk. There was a futon, a few late night drinks (and no, no one walked in on us.) However, I left before anyone woke up, mortifyed and hungover. I'm pretty ok with the fact that there wasn't this shared love between the guy and i. (nice guy and all, cute too, just not particularly datable.) So, I had a one-night stand. OK. But how do I get over the embarassment of my friends knowing about this?
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 2:21pm
When I lost my virginity, I felt the same way. I didn't entirely consent (long story), and he knew I didn't want to. I told my best friend, who in turn made me feel terribly guilty about it. I certainly didn't love the guy, and to this day even his name gives me the creepy crawlies. So, I can say I have a little experience with your situation, or at least something similar to it.

All I can say is that the embarrassment will pass. Really, I think that we overestimate how much time we think others spend thinking about what we do. How often do you think about your friends' mistakes? Probably not very much. Anyone who does spend all that time concerning themselves with others needs to get a life!

You're having regrets, as I did, and all you can do is take the situation and learn from it, which I'm sure you have. In time, it'll just be one of those situations in the past that has long been pushed into the back of your mind.

Keep your chin up, and know that it'll pass.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 7:34pm
Um....why do they know about this? Who told? And why do you care? It's not their place to judge you as being bad, wrong, evil, or sinful for having sex with someone without emotional investment. That was your perogative and right - you exercised it and it's really not their business.


Avatar for secrets86
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 2:24am
I lost my virginity in a one night stand, after quite

a few drinks too. It was sort of a one night stand

although he and I did end up talking to e/o for almost

everyday afterwards and did hang out again for about a

month after the fact. But that was it. I didn't tell

anyone that that's how I lost my virginity b/c I for

some ppl I don't feel it's really any of their business.

That's a very personal thing and quite frankly, dont think

others really care to hear when I am and am not having sex

either lol. The only person who does know is my best friend

who was also my roommate at the time. She isn't judgemental

at all, and she's had her one night stands too. If it comes

up in conv. sometime later on down the line w/ friends about

when I lost my virginity and how, then I'll tell them, no

problem. For now I don't see the pt in broadcasting it and I

don't think I would even if I hadn't lost it in a one night


I also don't think you've anything to be embarrassed about.

But I'm not you so I won't tell you how to feel lol . I know that

I don't regret how my first time happened... although it's not

even been a yr yet. Maybe down the line I'll regret it. I doubt it

though. Don't fall victim to stereotypes and ideals created by others

in society and the media that hardly apply to real life for most ppl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 3:43pm
Listen, if they are your friends - they should be supportive. I know thats not always the case but it SHOULD be. I did something more embarassing than that quite a few yrs ago and my best friend sometimes brings it up. I know that its HER insecurity tho! She feels guilty about something she's done thats questionable and she'll bring it up. I have to understand that she isn't judging me - she is projecting her guilt.

With most friends tho, that won't happen. They will forget about it after a while. Either way, its not that big of a deal.


Avatar for redsh0e
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 3:55pm
Thanks... In the end, while it wasn't the best way to lose my virginity, I accepted that this was the way it happened and I'm ok with it. I suppose the reason I still question whether or not it's awful is because I recently did see a friend who knew about it and she mentioned that she mentioned it to her brother (who she's very close to) and he got angry at the guy. So it's a little embarrassing to have her brother know (since I see him on occasion) that not only did I have a one-night stand (with someone he knew) but also lost my virginity at the same time.... You can see the complication. I will say that this friend did have an unfortunate experience several years ago, so I can see where discussing my little situation would make her feel less guilty about what happened to her then. Which reassures me that what I did wasn't wrong. (although, I've determined it isn't right for me.) Maybe I'm going on a bit, but I wanted to thank you for putting it in perspective.