Sex Appeal

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sex Appeal
13
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 8:17am
What is it? What makes a person have it? Can a person get it, or does he have to have it from the start?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 10:42am
Everybody has a definition of what they consider "sexy and appealing" (two separate things) and there are traits/characteristics/appearances/behaviors that are "sexually appealing" based on your own experiences, emotional associations and needs....people that are displaying those traits/characteristics/appearances/behaviors have "sex appeal" in your opinion.

Which is why you can walk down the mall and while universally the big boobed blonde is considered "sexy".....lots of men will admit that the smaller chested, brunette or red head with the blue eyes or great teeth, or "that way she holds her hand" has "sex appeal".

I.e., A mustache/goatee catch my eye - and immediately until I review the person in full - those men are usually thought to have "sex appeal" by me.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 11:54am
So, Erin, what kind of guy would catch your eye? What kind of guy would YOU say had sex appeal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:01pm
mix high sex drive, an uninhibited persona, a deep well of self-confidense, and a splash of physical appeal, and you've got one hot momma...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:01pm
Mustache and/or goatee, I like bald guys, they HAVE to have althletic bodies - and the athletic ability too. What i don't mean is body builder types - that is NOT an athletic body in my opinion. I like sarcastic humor, I like someone who knows what they want and how to get it - with what they do and what they've got and where they are in life being PROOF of that reality. Biceps and lats...they have to have great biceps and lats. Thighs are good - but I didn't notice those till I started with the guy I'm with now - and he has great thighs, too. I like rugged looking "bigger" hands....those are nice - provided they're clean. Callouses are fine since I have plenty of those on my hands, too.

Self-confidence is good - cocky is not. Cocky that borders on rude is intolerable - just thought I'd throw it in there.

I hate people who're always "showing off what they've got"...but I love people who do what I do - which is share what they've got and what they know if it's appropriate and not in a way that is boastful.

Sum it up - rugged, rugged good looks appeal - what doesn't - Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, those guys have no sex appeal in my opinion. Give me the Marlboro man any day.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:17pm
hey, 2blade, are you on the pill? i read somewhere that women on the pill like rugged types...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:33pm
Don't need the pill, had my only child at 19 and cut my tubes - no more of that situation to deal with....and at 40, I do believe that having been attracted to this type all my life - it's pretty much a sure thing in my case that I like this type.

I don't like prissy men....but then again, I intimidate prissy men and I believe that what you fundamentally and initially associate with appealing in general, and sex appeal has a whole - is going to be directly impacted by the type of person who is attracted to you. Most people find it appealing - to be found appealing - and the "type that find you appealing" in your youth - are generally in some aspects the type that you consider appealing in your maturity - when you mature and self-actualize.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 1:05pm
so you're saying that those that find you appealing has an effect on who you find appealing?

ummm... so where exactly does that put mr couch potatoe?


i think i'm still trying to figure out which women find me appealing... its hard to figure out, i tell ya! i can't tell if a woman is attracted to me, or if its just wishful thinking on my part...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 1:28pm
Sex appeal falls on the bell curve. There are many things that it could be and many things that it is. To me sex appeal has that hint of danger to it, an almost forbidden air, it's something you want and want it perhaps too much.

Like the bell curve sex appeal can shift in its intensity, one day a person may have it and the next it's gone or faint. Many of my guy friends are like that. At times the sex appeal is almost dripping off of them and then the next day *poof* like it was never there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 1:47pm
It goes back to "emotional association". Which means everybody is as programmable as Pavlov's dog...which is a scary thing when you think "Hitler" and it's a great thing if you wish to reprogram yourself to a more successful and secure version of you!

But...everybody likes to be found attractive. Think back to the initial stages of "attraction" - wherever that started for you. A pretty good example is the pre-adolescent boy taht discovers "girls are different".....one day he wakes up and they're not those "dumb girls" anymore. they ALL appeal....universally. Same happens to girls - they like ALL the boys at school. We're talking here 5th or 6th grade - maybe younger today.

Okay, so how you handle that stage...is directly impactive to your "adult relationship dynamic" - but that's another subject.

Okay, so of "all the girls" - who finds Thim appealing? Is it the shy, mousy-blonde girl in the front of the class who's a little pudgy? Is it the very small and petite brunette with glasses who walks looking at the floor between classes but is a whiz kid? Or is it the head cheerleader, or the star of the 6th grade girl's track team? Look back to that part of your life....and scan forward today - and you'll find ther are certain behaviors, characteristics, traits or mannerisms that today "automatically appeal to you". Why - that 'type found you appealing" - and we all want to be found appealing. That was your initial interaction with "sex appeal".

Which, we won't go into the dissertation of why women can't comprehend that men typically find "all women appealing" on some level or in some way...without it being a threat, or negative reaction to them as an individual - but anyway.

So, in finding out who finds you appealing - you gravitate towards it as a rule. As you go thru other types of relationships (all types) you're going to experience situations and circumstances....which are going to have you forming positive and negative emotional associations with certain behaviors, appearances or circumstances if you're less deep thinking.....or with traits and chracteristics and values if you are more deep thinking and fundamentally oriented. That helps you round out the "type" of people that you want to affiliate, associate, and align with in every regard - not just romance.

So there you have it....what is "appealing" in great part is determined by your initial interactions in the realm of "being found appealing". Again, we won't diversify off into what happens when the "type that finds you appealing"....does not appeal to you. That's more a "female issue" than a male one. Generally unless she's dog ugly or big as a house....you guys can work your way around to think positively of most women that will find you attractive - doesn't mean you date them all, but you're never "insulted" the way a woman is when a guy that is a "nerd" finds her appealing. Again, another topic altogether.

I'm not sure what your question about "where does that put Mr. Coach Potato" means. So if you'd expound - I'd be happy to answer if I have an answer for the question.

As for waht "type" find you appealing...what type have you primarily date? Is there is specific trend beyond "being blonde, or being tall" - that sort of thing?

Generally, as we age...people appeal that share our intersts, values, perceptions, and goals.......it's not just based on physical appearance. However, there is a percentage of emphasis put on "physical sex appeal" and there should be......because you're going to be interacting with this person, should a relationship develop, for a long time if not forever, and their body needs to appeal to you - as well as their mind, their lifestyle, and their interests.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_shywon
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 6:44pm
re: mr couch potato... if he's supposed to gravitate toward women who find him appealing... well, he's hardly gonna find women who find him appealing if he's stuck at home watching tv and munchin' on a pack of doritos. he's got nowhere to gravitate to? perhaps he's stuck in limbo, finding only those women that everybody is attracted to, appealing?


as for me... i'm just really really clueless. i don't think i've ever actually pursued someone BECAUSE i thought they found me appealing...

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