Sex early on: does it automatically m...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sex early on: does it automatically m...
5
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:38pm

Sex early on: does it automatically mean he'll never commit to you?



  • Yes, sex too soon is the kiss of death for commitment
  • Not necessarily, I've had long-term relationships in spite of sex early
  • Not necessarily, but I haven't experienced it
  • No, when you have sex has nothing to do with whether he'll commit
  • Unsure
  • Other - explain in a post (if you wish)


You will be able to change your vote.


AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:44pm

I was reading a relationship book over lunch in the book store. (Intimacy for Dummies, or something like that - LOL). In the section on "when to have sex," they listed a statistic that only 10 percent of unmarried couples who have sex early eventually get married.

This brought up a few questions for me:

- What is "early"? Is it timing, or is it level of connection (real intimacy) with a partner?

- What is the stat for married couples who had sex "early" when they were dating each other? (Remember, the stat only covered single people who had sex "early" but didn't survey married couples to find out when they had sex).

- Does expressing your sexuality early on really scare men off (or at least commitment-minded men)?

- Does it really matter? If the person is the right person, would it really matter if you had sex on the first few dates?

I'm interested to hear what you all think and if you have experience with this.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:32pm

I don't think it has to do with how early or late you have sex, but what kind of personality you have to go along with it.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 9:39pm

Well, I married a man I slept with the night we met, so I guess I'm in that 10% ;-).

I don't think it has anything to do with anything as far as commitment goes...if the guy's commitment-minded and wants to be with you, then he'll commit to you.

The issue for me these days is that I'd rather not risk him NOT being commitment-minded and otherwise a good guy, so I now prefer to wait until we've been dating a while.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:07am

>>The truth is that if there were one set of "rules" or guidelines to follow that always worked, or even worked most of the time, most of us wouldn't be single. We'd simply follow the procedure and WHAM we'd be married. <<

I think, for a long time, I had this idea that I wasn't married because I hadn't figured out the magic formula. I always thought "maybe if I just did x, y or z..." then I'd find true love, commitment, marriage, the baby carriage and the picket fence. :)

The past few years have shown me that there is no magic formula, other than the perfect combination of two people who find each other, fall in love and are ready for each other. It's nice to be able to do something because I want to (or vice versa), and not because I think I *should.*

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:11am

>>The issue for me these days is that I'd rather not risk him NOT being commitment-minded and otherwise a good guy, so I now prefer to wait until we've been dating a while.<<

Good point. I think it's a matter of knowing what *you* want and sticking to that.

I enjoy relationship books and I think many have great advice. Sometimes, though, they have a tendency to imply that there is a magic formula (or set of "rules") for finding true love and if you screw up one of the rules, there's no hope. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.