Sex on the first date

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Sex on the first date
20
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 12:17pm
Any advice?


Edited 10/21/2003 3:57:34 PM ET by debsterone

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 12:24pm

I think that you just need to tell him that that's usually not you, and that you were just a little overeager at the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 1:09pm
Hi deb

You're probably wondering what his motive is for asking you out for a second date. Is he is really interested in spending time with you and getting to know you or is he just hoping to have another sexual experience with you?

There is a way to find out what his intentions are but it might not be easy b/c once sex has entered the picture it's sometimes difficult to take a few steps back. If you do accept a second date with him do not go back to his place and do not invite him to your place. In fact, stay away from each others' homes for the first several dates. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable that you allowed things to go as far as they did and that you would like to slow things down.

If he is still interested in dating, keep out of the bedroom for at least a month or two. I don't know if you are the type who needs to be in an exclusive/monogomous rel'nship in order to feel comfortable having sex. If this IS the case, you have to let him know this. Nevertheless, maintain strict boundaries and do not allow him to cross them until you feel certain that you are ready to re-introduce sex into your relationship. A man who respects you will not cross boundaries that you have firmly estabished.

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 1:15pm
Thanks for your advice....I'm going to try it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 1:51pm
Meet him in a public place, do not drink any alcohol, and tell him it was a mistake to move so fast, and that you want to get to know him over the next few months and if and when you are exclusive and committed you will get intimate in that way. If your true priority is a relationship, you will put that at a priority. Sex doesn't just happen - it's a choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 9:33pm
i would write this one off.

not a lot of guys would consider a serious relationship with someone who has sex with them on a first date...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 11:15pm
I say go for it. Go out with him again. You've already had sex with him, so enjoy the chance to get to know him better.

Good Luck!!!

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 2:37pm
Excuse me, but isn't this a tad hypocritical? You would think of a woman who slept with you on the first date as a slut, yet you just slept with her? That is a big double standard.

And, why would he ask me out again if he didn't want to get to know me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 3:04pm
"Excuse me, but isn't this a tad hypocritical? You would think of a woman who slept with you on the first date as a slut, yet you just slept with her? That is a big double standard.

And, why would he ask me out again if he didn't want to get to know me?"


well, it would be hypocritical of me if i didn't expect her to think of me as a slut as well.

he might be asking you out again because he wants to have sex with you again?


look, i'm not saying things can't work out. maybe they can. i'm just sayin' that the odds of success are dramatically lowered if first date sex is involved...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 3:06pm
Why are you on this board anyway? I'm asking for advice, not a judgement call. It seems every post you have here is a judgement call on women. Maybe men need to take a look at their standards, instead of women having to change theirs to suit men.

Gimme a break please!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 3:15pm
i'm sorry if i came out sounding judgemental. it wasn't my intention at all.

my point is simply that having sex on a first date isn't conducive to a long lasting relationship, regardless of gender. it sets a bad precedent. both people will start wondering "if they're willing to have sex on a first date, does that mean that they aren't very discerning about who they sleep with?". the act of physical intimacy should be special. protected. savored. precious. not given out at a whim. not cheapened for a physical urge.

i have the utmost respect for women who want to have one night stands. hey, all the power to them, right? but i've heard that even women who have this kind of sexual independence will, in fact, wait to have sex with a guy she thinks is special...


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