Sex, sex, and more sex

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sex, sex, and more sex
7
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 4:15pm
Now that got your attention, huh? Are we too focused on it? I just went birthday shopping for my niece. She'll be 14 in April. I know she needs clothes, so that was my focus. I had two types to choose from: Matronly and not-letting-my-14-year-old-niece-near-them clothes. There were the built-in bra shirts designed to "push-up" and pop out. There were the shirts designed to fit as tightly as possible (the small looked like doll clothes). There were the shirt that hit at about the bottom of the ribcage. My least favorite were the shirts with "I'm kissable" or "flirt" on the front. Keep in mind, these are Junior Sizes, designed to fit young girls who have not yet developed hips or breasts. WHY do they need clothes like that? Don't even get me started on the jeans (as Go covered earlier this week!)

There were some tamer t-shirts, but my niece would never hear of wearing anything that her aunt approved of. I'm worried about her b/c at 14, she is very well developed. Her breasts have surpassed mine, and I'm a DD. She wears the clothes that her size 5 friends look good in, and the boys notice. She doesn't mind if her behind is peeking out when she bends over in jeans. She's been caught at boys' houses without permission a few times.

Are we too focused on sex? Is it tv? Is it magazines? Is it b/c we're just more open now?

Can we do anything about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 11:27am
I think its the attention. Even when I was that age, girls were doing that sort of thing and I always found they were the insecure ones. They valued their outside appearance more than the inner beauty (as did boys that age!). I don't think there is anything we can do about it as long as teenage boys (heck, even mature, grown up men) only respond to the outside appearance. Girls like boys, they want them to like them back - and when they are desperate enough for that approval - they will do practically anything. Sad really.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 12:10pm
Really? When I was her age, I was very self-conscious of my body. I wore very loose clothing and wouldn't dream of wearing anything that showed a little bit of cleavage. Heck, I'm still that way, really. I'm just now getting so that I can wear a shirt that fits more snugly. I don't remember my friends really wearing tight clothes, either. Maybe we were just slow to get there (being from a small town and all).

You are so right about those boys, though. At that age, they are a walking hormone. I never really was popular with the boys (until high school, then all they did was flirt). I guess I had a "good girl" reputation, so they left me alone. I'm afraid my niece probably doesn't have that good of reputation, simply b/c of the way she dresses and acts. It is sad.


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Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 9:14am
When,I was her age I was the good-girl too. I didn't really start noticing boys until the 10th grd. Even then I was still very careful around them. My friends were mostly goody- goodies as well. At that age I was into the friels & glittery stuff. For the most part my style of dress was a bit different from my classmates, because I wasn't from there originally. Today, I've become a bit more open, though. I'll wear tube tops & halters, but I'll always leave something to the imagination. I do think that today's society places too much emphasis on sex. At that age if you not running around & sleeping with someone your not cool, but if you are everyone wants to be your friend. Mostly, the girls want the attention, especially if they are really self-conscious. They'll look at other girls & think, that they've got it going on more than them. In actuality the fast girls are the most insecure. That's why they act that way. Their friends will push them up to stuff as well. Sometimes,these friends will lie too, so that they will be liked. This is often the friend that is idealized. I'm sure your niece will be fine. Let her know that it's ok not to be like everyone else. Encourage her to be different. I feel that originality is always cool. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 9:43am
Hey Shy, didn't you bring this up before? I can't remember how we'd resolved it then (or even if we'd resolved it), but I'll give it another shot, anyway (as if you'd doubted I would, hehe)...


14 year olds today have gone through a lot more than what we went through when we (or at least I) was 14... When I was 14, AIDs was just starting to become an issue, there hadn't been any gulf wars... (boy, am I dating myself here) no 9/11... no rodney king, o.j., etc...

basically, all I was worried about was figuring out how to get more cpu efficiency from my 4.77Mhz IBM PC... i noticed girls, but sex was just a fantasy.


she may be 14, but you might be more successful if you treated her like she was 16 or even 17... ie. give her advice on how to distinguish between sexy and trashy...

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 1:59pm
You just were not cognizant of the issues...when I was 14, it was 1986. We were in a severe recession and interest rates where the highest we had seen since the depression. The major unions were fighting for solidarity - my mother was losing her job b/c of it. Cancer took 4 relatives that year for me, my father was murdered. Cancer was (and still is) an epidemic - Aids still pales in comparision. Yet, by 1986 Aids awareness campaigns WERE being launched. In fact, it was a scarier time b/c we still were not sure if it was a sexually transmitted disease. Ryan White (a 10 yr old aids victim by blood transfusion) was fighting for his right to go to school...parents were worried he would infect other student. Nowadays, kids know the facts!

Also in 1986:

- February, the Challenge shuttle disaster.

- First Kyoto conference marks first official confirmation of Climate Change and global warming.

- 2000 ppl killed in Cameroon when a lake gave off deadly gas as the ground shifted.

- CHERNOBYL!! April of that year, Chernobyl's reactor explodes! The US had two such reactors which were closed because of this.

I really get upset when ppl say kids today are facing such stress. EVERY generation has dealt with this! Generations have seen starvation, lived thru natural disasters, etc. I look at my nieces and nephews and I don't see it. Sorry. In 1986, a hell of a lot more happened than in 2002. Give me a flippin' break. Maybe these events didn't impact your life, but they certainly did mine...I was a very aware 14 yr old. Which is why I have had to turn to logic over emotion - to protect myself from this knowledge.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 2:11pm
hmmmm... plus '86 was still during the cold war...

i hear what you're saying. but regarding sex, it does seem that kids are "growing up" in regards to it a lot sooner. they're just bombarded by images so often now... and the sex industry has exploded since then...

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 4:56pm
I was just using my niece as an example. I see it all over. The high school girls look like grown women (which they are NOT) and wear less and less clothing all the time. The guys are still wearing the same amount (which I am thankful for). On tv, it's hard to find anything to watch that doesn't have some sort of sex element. I grew up with Growing Pains, Family Ties, and The Cosby Show. Did you ever see any sex on those shows? Gosh, I was excited if two people kissed! I'm sure kids these days have seen a whole lot more just from tv than I ever dreamed of. It just really sickens me to know the direction we're taking. If it doesn't stop, where does it go?

Stress is irrelevant. Each invidual child goes through a lot regardless of when they live. Each generation has its own issues to deal with. The thing is, we're willing to accept a whole lot more today than we were back then. If I had worn a tight, low cut shirt at 14 (and then I did have the body for it), my father would have sent me right back into my room to change. It just really bugs me b/c I can't put my finger on the exact reason for the change. Over time, women have worn less and less, I just think that there needs to be a limit somewhere!