Sex too soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sex too soon?
17
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 12:29pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 1:50pm

I do think I'd tell him that I didn't want to have a relationship that's just about sex and not about anything else and that by all the sex talk, it makes me feel that's all he's interested in and he's no longer interested in me as a person.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 1:54pm
Obviously what he wants to talk to you about is about sex? Then he is defining what kind of relationship he wants to have with you. If you want more then probably a better approach is stop talking about and having sex and get to know him in a non-sexual way, e.g. music, hiking, movies, etc.

You did not specify your age or his age but regardless of age, most guys like having sex with no emotional strings attached kind of relationship.

Mark
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 3:23pm

mhash... i am 30 and he is 38. When I asked him what he was looking for

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 6:42pm

No having sex on first date of 10 seconds after meeting is not a bad thing.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 7:25pm

XXXS, wow! Thank you for helping me to see things from a different perspective. I have been beating myself up since yesterday about the whole thing and I feel much better now. Yea, i feel like he really does like me ie. he texted me right after I left his place to say that he wished that I could stay longer, he called me later that day to make sure that I made it home safely, the next day, he said that he wanted to see me the next weekend, he texts or calls me almost everyday, he really wants to see me again and has been trying to work out plans to, and he even mentioned that he kept the smell of me in his bed since i left. That surprised the heck out of me lol. Anyway, I really do think that he likes me and i just don't want to ruin things whether it be by bringing up my feelings for him too soon or having sex with him too soon. I was once told that men use sex as a way of showing women that they love them or care about them and I was wondering if that's what he may have been doing, especially since he's been talking about pleasuring me a lot lately

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 8:28pm

I hate to break this to you but men can separate love & sex much more easily than women can.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 8:49pm

Hi

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 12:15am

Donna, I agree 100% with xxxs' advice to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 10:22pm

I completely agree with XXXS, I have had sex once meeting a guy for the first time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 8:22pm
Hey guys! Since you all were so helpful with your advice, I felt that it would be appropriate to fill you in on our 2nd meet up. I'm also confused about a few things that happened this time so I hope that you all will be a great help to me once again! Ok so I met up again with him this week. Actually, he really wanted to see me asap so instead of waiting for the weekend, he asked me if I could drive up on Thursday night after work. So I said "sure"! I needed a break from work since I was so mentally exhausted and I figured it'd be worth it. He even attempted to get me to drive up to see him a day earlier which would have been Wednesday night but I said no because I couldn't. So anyway, all day Thursday he kept texting me to see if I could make it and he kept telling me how he really hopes I can make it and that he really wants to see me. I was surprised that he was so passionate about me coming because we had only met once before. I made the 3 hour drive to see him and it was great! He came out to greet me, grabbed my bags and led me inside where we chatted, drank some wine, and later got down to business lol. Afterwards, he asked me if I was hungry and fixed me some food then we watched a movie. I noticed that whenever I said I was hungry, he never offered to take me out. However, he did make me breakfast the next day and he fed me some left over dinner he made the night before. Is something up or am I just being paranoid about the whole taking me out thing? Anyway, I noticed that he had set out a towel and rag for me before I got there so that shows me he cares I guess. The next day was weird... He was feeling down because of everything going on with his truck (he's been without his truck for a month because the mechanics messed it up) and I even had to give him a ride down to the mechanic to have his truck get it's last set of repairs. He was in a funk because of that whole thing and that naturally caused me to be in a funk so we just chilled and slept in after breakfast. I also noticed that he appears to be very trusting of me. More than I would be with him so soon lol. For ex; he gave a customer svc agent his actual credit card number in front of me and he also left me alone in his house on the 1st meet up to go to work with his credit cards and cash laying around. I was so surprised by that! Now initially in my mind, I had planned to stay at least until Sunday and I was planning to ask him if we could finally go out on our 1st official date. Actually, I mentioned it to him the night before and he said "Yeah we do need to but every time you get here it's after 10 and I can't call to make reservations that late". He's got a point and I hope that's really how he feels and not just an excuse. Only time will tell! So anyway, I wanted to snap out of my frumpy mood and I asked him if we could watch this comedy that we both like and joke about a lot and to make a long story short, he said that he had to go out and basically needed to get some things done. So at that point, I felt like I had overstayed my welcome at that point. So I asked him "when would you like me to leave?" He said after I dropped him off to pick up his truck. I felt so bad! In my head, I had built up this long romantic weekend and right then I felt as if he got what he wanted and now he was ready for me to go. So I faked a smile, got dressed and waited until he was ready. Then he said "you know what, I think I'll walk instead" so I'm like 'huh?' So before I left, I apologized for being in a frumpy mood the day before and he walks up behind me, hugs and kisses me on the neck and said I was fine. He grabs my bags when I'm ready and walks me out to my car where he proceeds to talk about driving down to see me next weekend and what he wants to do to me sexually when he gets there. No prob! We kiss and hug a few times and I left. Something happened to my car, I called him, he told me to turn back around so he could take a look, he checks my car out and all was fine. He kisses me again and I left. He did call me on the way home to see if I was ok and I told him yea and that I will let him know when I got home. I believe he was about to tell me to have a good weekend before I cut him off by accident. I found that weird because we usually talk everyday and that tells me that he wasn't planning to speak to me all weekend. That made me feel even more strange. Sure enough, I tried calling him when I got home... No answer. I text him... No reply. Didn't hear from him at all yesterday and so far not today either. At this point, I rather not go to his place again for a little bit because I feel embarrassed like I was kicked out or something. I want to see him again but next time it has to be him coming to see me. So any thoughts about the 2nd meet up?

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