Sexy, successful…and single?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Sexy, successful…and single?
19
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 11:17pm

This is just stupid.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=5001&menuid=6&lid=429

And make note of the comments by "relationship expert" John Gray. It cancels out any wisdom that could have been gleaned from this feature, if there was any to glean in the first place.

A~

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 7:51am

The only thing I see wrong with it is that they assume the only successful jobs for women are doctors, lawyers, architects, and psychologists.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 12:37am

>>>>I think that men are intimidated by women who are successful and we should be more careful to balance out our lives.<<<<

But not only those that are already successful, but also those that are ambitious and INTEND to be successful. For me personally, I'm so focused on achieving well in my career that there may not be room in my life for someone else. I spent four years with someone during my undergraduate years. The whole time I knew that when it came closer to step forward and take control of my career he would be left behind. He feared that day the whole time, and in the end I proved his fear right.

Now that I'm single I can't imagine tying myself down in another relationship, just in case I have to make sacrifices in my career for someone else. I'm still friends with my ex, and he tells me that if I'm not careful, I will end up a very lonely woman. lol. But I'm still young, and I'll deal with each year as it comes along. In the mean time I'm making it clear to guys that are attracted to me not to get too caught up in me.

How my feelings will change once I achieve success and am ready to let someone else into my life can only be determined over time.

Janet

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:31am

I dunno - I get that reaction from men (and women) a lot. I say what I do and there is a split second where the asker's face goes blank and then some comment about how important that sounds. Despite my contention that it is not as important as it sounds and that there are hundreds of people doing it across the government, nobody seems to be more at ease.

That being said, I refuse to dumb it down for anyone. But I literally dread the question and have been told by good friends that I either grimace or smile uncomfortably when answering. I am trying to work on that, but it's almost Pavlovian at this point because I know what's going to follow and I dislike it.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 6:48pm

I have the opposite response. When I tell people I teach third grade, they assume I know nothing more than a third grader does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 12:02pm
It is not true that successful women can't get dates or marry. I know plenty of successful female businesswomen who married early, and young. Its simply a sad old stereotype that educated women can't get married. Moreover, I don't think men are intimidated, (most men, at least) by successful women. A lot of men prefer a woman who has her act together. The only thing that turns men "off" is a woman who is a total in your face, know-it-all. That is a turn off for anyone, male or female. I think society perpetuates the stereotype of the successful woman who is lonely, because they want women to believe there is some sort of *penalty* for getting an education and having a career. The fact is, there is not. Get an education, get a great career - and reap the rewards!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 3:54pm

"In the mean time I'm making it clear to guys that are attracted to me not to get too caught up in me."

At least you know what you want and are honest about it. Although there is a 50-50 chance you will end up alone, at least you can say you did it your way. No shame in that...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 9:31am

***The only thing that turns men "off" is a woman who is a total in your face, know-it-all. ***

The implication here is that I am a know it all. That's just not true. I never said that men were turned off by a successful woman. But I do know that some men are less likely to actively pursue a woman who makes more money or has a more impressive job. Frankly, I don't blame them. I like the traditional roles to a certain degree. I want a man who is at least a successful as I am because personally, I would have trouble respecting a man who couldn't at least match me. Despite what you state as fact, I guarantee you that men are intimidated by my career. Some have even admitted it. You will note that I also mentioned in my post that people react that way, men AND women.

I don't see myself, anyone else on this board, or that article you linked to saying that educated women can't get married. You are really simplifying a pretty complicated matter and then making blanket statements. Besides, educated and successful can be mutually exclusive issues. There are some PhDs in literature who end up working at a book store and people with no college education that make a killing in business.

Also - because a successful woman is not married, does not necessarily mean that she is lonely. As for some supposed societal stereotype about the lonely successful woman, I don't see it. Give me some examples.

Just out of curiosity - what do you do for a living?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 7:13pm
I have to agree with Auntjules on this issue. I work in Chicago as an Advertsing Account Exectuve and I am getting my masters degree in Clinical Counseling. So to say the least, I have my life in order and know exactly what I want out of it. I am also pretty darn cute, if I may say so myself. I think it comes down to someting as simple as this.... Confident and attractive women who have these great jobs do intimidate some men. From my experience, men who had jobs that were equally on the same level as myself, appreciated that I had a high profile job. On the other had, those who did not have the degrees or made less money, ended up not wanting a relationship. One ex told me that I should be with somebody else who was cuter than himself and had a better job(he was blue collar). He felt I deserved "better" than what he could offer me. I feel that this issue is a two fold. There are some men that would love to be with a woman who made more money and had more of an education and you will find they have a confidence about them. There are some men who have these great jobs, but are intimidated by women who are equally powerful because they lack confidence, despite their success. It's all about confidence and let's face it, if a women scares a man, than he obviosuly lacks a bit confidence, right??? And I have found that those men who were proud of their jobs and their lives, tended to have more confidence. Dating is not easy and some men tend to scare easily. It's a fact that most women can attend to. Plus, living in a big city, people tend to put off relationships and marriage to focus on their careers. Plus men tend to marry later in life than women in general. So that leaves women in large cities with not a lot of options. We have tons of men, but they're too wrapped up in their careers.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 7:32pm

When I was out of work and get asked that question (I understand that in the U.S. and for men knowing the other's profession is more important), I would share what my passions, interests are. I would say I love connecting and communication. I volunteer as a community mediator and was involved in the Marshall Rosenberg Non Violent Communication process as a facilitator/practice group leader.

When I shared that, I would get into more interesting conversations rather becoming a status sharing thing.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 8:16pm

I think that is a great concept and wish more people cared less about your profession, but the most commonly asked question when you meet somebody new is, "So, what do you do for a living". There have been moments when I would talk about my intrest and many people seemed to be open to it, but that same question would always be asked........ I think it is different in the U.S. At least where I live.

Kcole

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