Sexy, successful…and single?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Sexy, successful…and single?
19
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 11:17pm

This is just stupid.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=5001&menuid=6&lid=429

And make note of the comments by "relationship expert" John Gray. It cancels out any wisdom that could have been gleaned from this feature, if there was any to glean in the first place.

A~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 5:42am

>I have my life together and I know lots of people don't.
>I don't quite understand how you can screw up a life as
>much as some have, but those who have will always look at
>women like us who have "it" going for us and be envious.

Shy, wasn't it you who wrote: "I just want it to be my time already, ya know? I've been patient, made a life for myself, done good stuff...what's the hold up?"

I would say that most people who have posted in this thread up to this point are younger than 30. If you are, I highly recommend that you print what you have written and keep it somewhere safe. Read it again when you turn 30 and each year after that. It may be especially helpful during the times when you look at everything you have and wonder why you aren’t happy. You will need to remind yourself that even though you did everything right you still wish “things” were somehow...different. This is when you really begin to question what success really means.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:46am

Maybe it's just too early, but I don't quite get the connection between the two statements.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 9:07am

>Maybe it's just too early, but I don't quite
>get the connection between the two statements.

There wasn't a real connection between the two. I just felt what you wrote was curious. In another thread it appeared as if you didn't have your life together because you are alone. I would think that someone who "has their life together" is happy in every sphere, not just one.

>What do you think success really means?

First tell me what you think unsuccessful means.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 9:52am

***It's all about confidence and let's face it, if a women scares a man, than he obviosuly lacks a bit confidence, right???***

Hell, yes, that's right! I live in Chicago, too, so I feel your pain. On top of that, I work for an office in DC (I am the only person who does my job that does not live there) and there are periods of time where I am literally traveling 2 out of every 4 weeks. Makes dating even tougher!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:43pm

I don't think being alone has anything to do with having your life together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 7:42pm
I know for a fact that there are lots of men out there who get intimidate by women. I know this because I've been told by them. I do agree that there are successful women who are also married. It's very common actually. With you making a statement that 'lots of men prefer women who are not know it all or in your face' just makes it seem like successful women are not getting dates because they are what most men don't prefer. That's ridiculous! Like men, most women also happen to prefer men who are not know it all or in your face. You said it in your mail. It goes both ways. How many men do you know that are comfortable that their wives, or girlfriends are the bread winners of the house hold or simply make more money than the men do? Most men are uncomfortable with it because men usually associate being bread winners of the house and making more than their wives to status and their pride. You can ask any man you know and if they are not lying to you, they will tell you it's uncomfortable even among their circle of friends. Can they live with it, yes, but given their way, they will not want it to be like that. It is true that successful women can intimidate men simply because of what men associate to success
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 10:13pm

How many men do you know that are comfortable that their wives, or girlfriends are the bread winners of the house hold or simply make more money than the men do? Most men are uncomfortable with it because men usually associate being bread winners of the house and making more than their wives to status and their pride. You can ask any man you know and if they are not lying to you, they will tell you it's uncomfortable even among their circle of friends. Can they live with it, yes, but given their way, they will not want it to be like that.


I agree with this, however, I think that if men are so intimidated with a woman being successful and making more money than he does- and he can't find a woman who doesn't- he needs to get off of his behind and put some effort into whatever it is that he's doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 10:57pm
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying women should go for men that they intimidate or something. I personally wouldn't know how to date a man who finds me intimidating. I am just saying that, men have told me that before and I know men who are now my friends but told me that, had I not been the first person to speak with them, chances are they wouldn't have approach me because I look intimidating. For me that's a compliment...considering that I am just 5 foot 3 inches! It's not like I am standing there looking angry or mean. I am just standing there having fun. I had to reply to the previous writer because she made it sound like being successful is coupled with being a know it all and in your face person, which is not true. I have ask on occassions as to what makes me intimidating. Personally, I am a giddy person so smiling and laughing comes to me very naturally but somehow, I still manage to intimidate people. It's not something I concern myself with at all. Of all the wrong things that I can be associate to in life, If I am associate to being intimidating because I am successful (which I don't even think I am but I am getting there), I consider that to be just great and a compliment. To answer your question, I don't remember the last time any man said it's hard to find a successful woman. You know what I say to that though? Men are not asking that because chances are they've met lots of them. There are lots of successful women out there and either some how they intimidate men or not, they are still out there. I just wanted to previous writer to know that, it is true that successful women some how intimidate men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 6:11pm

"Just as a side note...have you ever heard a man say "It's so hard to find a successful woman."

Yes, I have. It's been my experience that some men say they want a successful woman or that they want an independent woman but when actually confronted with the genuine article, many times (not all but many) they can't deal. I've had men tell me that they don't think that I would need them. As if being successful professionally negates my needs personally. Sometimes I think that some men (some people when you get right down to it) are intimiated by success because it makes them evaluate themselves and then they feel as if they aren't measuring up. I think they look at someone successful and then think that maybe they should be doing more in their own lives. Secure people will look at someone else who is successful and get inspired and motivated. Insecure people will look for reasons to tear that person down.

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