Is she serious?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Is she serious?
12
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:44am
Hi im currently seeing my ex girlfriend.We have been seeing each other 3 months almost 4.We have known each other for 13yrs. and 4 of those we were absent without any communication or seeing her.But since we hooked back up everything has been good we have grown in love with each other and we tell each other we love one another and that were in love.She also has a 3 yr old too just to put that out there.Anyway We have spent like everyday of December except 3 days with each other.Were always seeing one another and spending a lot of time.She has gotten into me so much that she tells her child to tell me she loves me 2.But the thing is we dont go together.I have recently tried to start a relationship with her at least the B/F G/F stage but each time she has an excuse.She has been telling me she wants to be with me and she can see us married raising her child together but she wont give us as a souple a chance.Her excuse at first was we need to know each other better then i let some time pass then it was she didnt want to rush she wanted to make sure this is it.Ive tried a few times but getting irritated.I feel that she's just not ready but she says that she is and that confuses me.What could it be, im thinking about walking because the more time we spend i fall more for her.She says she want us to be us when shes ready and on her terms.I have waited for some time now but there's a such thing as being a fool, what should I do?

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 7:37am

What is it that the title "girlfriend" would mean to each of you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 8:25am

It sounds like maybe she's not as into you as you are into her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 11:54am
when we dated before we were young i was 15 or 16 and she was 13 or 14 we were young.I was the one who had 3 girlfriends at the time and she stayed in a lot of trouble.But we both have grown since im 27 ans shes 25.Im more serious with my relationships,im an adult and dont have time for playing games.I dont get her.She tells me she loves me everyday and ive grown close to the child.I asked her was there someone else she said its only me she wants and only me and she wants to be with.We already act like were in a relationship.See the title means security and the arrival of us.But it does not define the relationship.You cant have a relationship without what we share.She says the title means a lot too but how can she tell me all this and we do things people in a relationship do and still not be ready to be with me.I personally think there's something she's not telling me.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:01am
Well, it could be several things. My guess would be either she has a one track mind and wants to get her career or education on track or she has been hurt very badly in the past. Possibly, by the father of her child. Have you asked her why she wants to wait?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:13am
i have asked her why, when i asked a little while ago she told me we need to get to know each other better so i said ok cause it was so long since we had been together.But some time had passed and we was seeing each other eveyday for about a month and talking all the time and we got to know each other a lot better.Up until now too we know each other well.When I asked recently she said she didn't want to tell me now and she didn't want to rush into it and she wanted to be sure that this was it.I feel like how can we know if this is it if we dont give it a try.Im not asking for marriage just a relationship B/f G/F.I feel if she can spend all that time with me and tell me she loves me and saying shes in love with me and could see me and her raising her child together and married then she should know if she want me for a boyfriend.We have made love been out spent all time together spending time with her and her child.I dont get it what more does she need.How can we know if we can be we if she dont give US a try.I kinda think its someone else or she just didnt want me like i want her, but if not she shouldnt have told me she did.I told her if she didn't want me like I wanted her to just let me know just dont waste my time.I am just irritated and thinking im wasting my time on something that seems like its not going to be anymore than what it is.I guess all what we did didnt mean anything to her or it was just what we did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 8:27am

If you have it in your mind that there's something that she's not telling you, or that she's seeing someone else, those thoughts are going to bring tension into the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 11:53am
thanks thats good advice.Im thinking strongly about just moving on cause i feel like shes just not ready.She wont come out and tell me this but that's what she shows and saying to a certain degree.Im not one to be just lingering around waiting for someone to make up there mind.If she's sure that she loves me and wants to be with me then whats stopping her.Im not insecure but she make me think like that when shes hesitant.It confuses me when she says i want to be with you but doesnt go forward with it.I feel like im worth more than to be left in the wind to wait around for somebody who clearly seems that their not ready and i feel like she shouldnt want to do me that way.If there are problems she should let me know and not drag me along for the ride.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:45pm

If she's sure that she loves me and wants to be with me then whats stopping her.


I totally agree.


I feel like im worth more than to be left in the wind to wait around for somebody who clearly seems that their not ready and i feel like she shouldnt want to do me that way.


Again, I totally agree, and I think you know deep down what you need to do (unless you're okay with being strung along for the ride).


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 2:53pm
I'm going to add some things to what others have told you. I'm female age 31 and when I've had thoughts of wanting to wait it out and see what happens and get to know someone better it means just that to me. I have had several relationships in the past that haven't worked and because of this reason I tread with caution when I get into new ones and have wanted to "make sure" that this was it. I was a little behind my current boyfriend of wanting to make it exclusive even though we did go pretty quickly with that . I normally wouldn't go very fast in making such a decision because the last thing that I want to do is to have another boyfriend and breakup yet again for a 7th or 8th relationship. Chances are that she has had several breakups or relationships that haven't worked or has gotten hurt a lot and just wants to tread with caution. 3-4 months is not very long in the whole scheme of things to make a decision sometimes. Do you have some idea about her dating history? Is there anything about you that she's having doubts about as far as seeing you as long term potential? I would ask her that question too because sometimes when I haven't been ready I"ve been contemplating some doubts about certain characteristics about a person I'm with and if I would be compatible with them, but we all go through those doubts and uncertainty (it's a healthy thing). I would ask her about her fears and doubts, maybe she will open up to you about them so you can have a better idea of what's going on inside her mind. Also like I said, 3-4 months is not too long to be dating. I would wait it out for a couple more months to see where she stands if you love her and also communicate with her about her concerns. Good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 1:40am
I have asked her to open up more about it but she always told me that she told me what it was and didnt want to repeat herself.I feel that, that was inappropiate because communication is the key.She should want me to better understand whats on her mind.I know 3 or 4 months is a little time but we've known each other for 13 years.So i know about her history well.
I'll take you all to the very beginning.When we got back in contact I was with someone at the time and but the relationship was really already over and had been for months it wasnt good at all.The girl of now continued to talk to me and i went to visit her occassionally.At first she was content with the situation until feelings got involved and one day she wanted to go out with me but i couldnt in fear of being seen and starting chaos.So she was very hurt by that then she began to tell me she really wanted to be with me but i had to break off the current girlfriend.I planned to do that anyway cause of the relationship i was in wasnt gonna last.She said she wouldnt wait forever and that she didnt want to be with me and the other girl get the privilege of actually being with me.Our feelings started to grow extremelly because we already had history together.Then I finally broke it off with my girl at the time and me and this girl decided to date first and get to know each other better.I said okay, but then her whole demeanor change after I told her my relationship was over.After some time she went from i really want to be with you while i had a girl at the time to i think we should not rush.But during a lot of the time after i broke it off with the other girl, she and I was acting like we was going together.You know the whole jealousy thing and where you been and talks of being able to be married to each other.Our relationship wasnt like a DATING couple it was more like BOYFRIEND and GIRLFRIEND.She confused me with that cause we did a lot and she said the only thing we lacked was a title and her answer was i dont wanna rush to put a title to us.
Sorry so long but this is so confusing. lol

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