She's not into me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
She's not into me
11
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 11:55pm

Soo, I'm not sure if everyone remembers the story a few weeks ago, anyway, drunkenly hooked up with a girl at a party who I had a history in the past with a few weeks ago. Things were awkward for a bit, but then everything worked itself out. The bad news is that I started re-developing feelings afterwards.

Anyway, so we'd been talking rarely lately, but today, we were both online bored and decided to catch a movie. We saw knocked up, not the best movie to see the first time you're hanging up with a one night stand lol, but it was still a great movie if you are into stoner humor/ romcoms. which I am.

Although during the movie things were cool, sitting close, making comments to eachother and such, I'm pretty sure she doesnt like me...

Anyway, reasons why I'm sure it wasnt a date, and she isnt into me.

1) shortly after making the plans, she checked if it would be alright if another one of her friends came along (they didnt)

2) I showed up later then her, so she bought her ticket without me, giving me no chance to offer to buy hers

3) after the movie she started mentioning a guy she hangs out with alot, who I know she was into a few months ago, and can only figure she still is,

4) she ended up driving me home, and the goodbye was much more friendly then anything else.

She's giving me a ride to and from a mutual friends party (its about a half hour drive) on sunday, so I guess I'll feel it out a bit more. I really have fallen for this girl though... But I'm pretty sure I have no shot with her. Its not like she's out of my league, or we dont make sense, she just isnt into me. :-/

anyway, just an update, I'll update more if anything interesting happens on sunday

Edited 6/5/2007 11:57 pm ET by kerplunk237




Edited 6/5/2007 11:58 pm ET by kerplunk237

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 11:19am

Haha, no, not the best movie for you guys. :) It was good though, no?

Anyway, I'm sorry about the girl. At least you guys are still friendly after that, though. That's more than some people can say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 11:25am

My advice to you, please don't overanalyze everything.

There have been so many times I have done the things you mentioned she did, even when I WAS interested in a man. Especially buying my own movie ticket (or glass of wine, or whatever) if the guy gets there a bit late. Why? It's awkward to show up to a place alone and look like you're waiting for your date to show. You think: "What if he doesn't show, and I'm sitting here alone in a bar/movie theatre looking lame?"

This happened with one of the guys I went out with recently. I bought my own wine before he got to the restaurant (he was 10 minutes late) so I wasn't sitting in a bar alone looking lame. :) I didn't have cash, so I had to open a bar tab on my card - so, he didn't have the opportunity to pay for my drink. I didn't do that on purpose. I do think he was sort of offended, but he shouldn't have been.

My point is, you need to wait it out. Don't second guess every move she makes.

I also go back to my original advice - lay it on the table. Talk to her. Try asking her out and make it clear it's a date date and not two friends hanging out. You will never really know until you take a risk and have that conversation.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 12:46pm

I got the same impression you did.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 2:39am

I've asked a guy if I could bring a girlfriend along. It's been years ago. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I wasn't, but I was actually interested in him. Needless to say, he never asked me out again. I could kick myself for that one.

I thought TG had some wonderful advice for you. A lot of signs you think you're seeing may not be signs at all. It may just be circumstantial, mere coincidence.

On this half hour journey of yours, why don't you come out of the closet? You know, she could be misreading your vibes the same way you could be misreading hers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 11:05am

over analyzing tends to be my biggest issue :-/

but, I'll plan on talking to her on the way there, but if I really dont get the chance... I'm sure I'll let her know on the way home once I have a few drinks... bad idea, but if I dont tell her before, I tend to be truthful when I'm drunk.

either way, it'll be a messy night. My ex is bringing her new boyfriend, (the first time I'll be seeing her with another guy, so thats never fun) which may drive me into trying a bit harder with the current girl, which could be good or bad. Also, I start work the next morning... have to be in at 8, and I have to commute... lol, monday isnt going to be fun at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 11:17am

>>which may drive me into trying a bit harder with the current girl<<

Ok - I have to caution you here. One of the biggest turn offs for me is a guy who seems to be rebounding from an ex with me. Makes me feel very much less than special.

If you truly like girl #2, try to keep any thoughts of the ex out of your interaction with her. While your past relationships are a part of you and always will be, each new relationship should have the benefit of leaving past baggage at the door so you can focus on each other and not the past. I've had several new relationships crash and burn for this very reason.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 11:30am

oh, I'm well aware of this... I just know me to some extent.

I wont be crazy about it or anything, and I really will avoid making anything obvious... I tend to be kind of jealous, I know this and its a crappy quality, but I am decent at shielding it. So, I really dont know what it'll be like when I'm there, but there will be enough friends around to occupy my thoughts so I dont think of the ex.

Believe me, I really do like the new girl, and her and the ex are both some of the nicest girls you'll ever meet, so I know they'll get along really well. They actually have met 1 time before, and they really did enjoy eachother. Also, I'm a really nice guy, and if anything I dont make many moves because of this... So this may be a good thing for me, may begin making me think more in the present, and less about the outcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 7:48pm

Sooo, this weekend was great... but not for reasons you would expect I guess.

So sat, my friend had a party... and I sort of made out with his little sister... She's really cute, and I was drunk, and she was crazy coming on to me... and she's 18. I'm only 21, but i still feel creepy about that. But still, I hope he doesnt find out, but it sortof seemed like he knew and didnt care.

Anyway, onto sunday, the girl who I like who was driving me ended up being asked by 3 others for a ride at the last minute, so we werent alone.

At the party itself (it was more like a reception, it was odd... lots of family, and family friends, with only about 30% friends) Anyway, we spent the whole time hanging out, and the ex and her new bf got into a fight there.

The ex kept glancing over, trying to figure out if I was actually with this girl, or not. It was kinda cute... she was the jealous one, not me :).

I didnt say anything to the new girl though, but I can tell there is nothing there. Maybe a drunken hook up or 2 in the future, but nothing worth seeking out. She just made plans to go to europe with that guy she brings up from time to time, and I think they may start dating soon. No worries though, it'll all be fine.

and today I started my new job, and everyone is great there!

edit: also, I wont post about this girl anymore... I feel kind of bad asking for advice, then never doing anything about it. But I'm possitive this was the right choice. I have too much to worry about at the moment to fret about this anyway. New job, and apartment hunting, plus many up coming parties, better enjoy it.

Now the next girl question in my life will be what to do next time I'm alone with my friends sister... I think I should just avoid that and pretend nothing happend




Edited 6/11/2007 8:16 pm ET by kerplunk237
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 8:46pm

Yeah, honestly, I got the same impression you did. Like I think shywon said, I would NEVER ask to bring a friend along if I was into a guy. I don't remember what else tipped me off (not buying her own ticket though, I'd do that even if I were interested in someone), but I agree with you.

Anyway, you're 100 percent right about not wanting to get into anything where you are right now in your life. The year after college was RIDICULOUSLY hard for me and a huge change, and I made the mistake of getting head over heels for a largely unattainable guy that lives six hours away from me (he was here at the time, but I knew he was leaving) and is now seeing someone else. I still maintain that he is a sweet guy, but it was just an impossible situation and I made myself a lot more miserable than I needed to and put more thought into that than into things that I SHOULD have been thinking about.

You seem like a nice guy, you'll be fine, either now or later. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 12:54am

There's so much to like about your post! You might think you overanalyze and maybe sometimes you do, but hey -- if there's anyone out there who doesn't, I'd like to meet him/her. We all do. I'm commenting within your post below:

"So sat, my friend had a party... and I sort of made out with his little sister... She's really cute, and I was drunk, and she was crazy coming on to me... and she's 18. I'm only 21, but i still feel creepy about that. But still, I hope he doesnt find out, but it sortof seemed like he knew and didnt care."

He knew -- but he trusted both of you and knew it was just part of the moment. And hey, don't feel creepy. If you were 18, wouldn't you be interested in someone who was 21? And wouldn't you have known what you were doing at the time? She had fun, you had fun. It was fun. The End. :)

"Anyway, onto sunday, the girl who I like who was driving me ended up being asked by 3 others for a ride at the last minute, so we werent alone."

Probably best, from my perspective. I know others have said that you should come clean with her, but there's a long history between you and just moving over the "bump" when you both didn't loudly proclaim your undying love for each other is best, I think. She didn't mention it and you didn't mention it -- you both gave yourselves opportunity to be friends again (with the opportunity to seek more at a later date).

"At the party itself (it was more like a reception, it was odd... lots of family, and family friends, with only about 30% friends) Anyway, we spent the whole time hanging out, and the ex and her new bf got into a fight there... The ex kept glancing over, trying to figure out if I was actually with this girl, or not. It was kinda cute... she was the jealous one, not me :)."

How evilly wonderful that can be to see sometimes, isn't it? You don't wish bad things on other people but at the same time it's nice, isn't it? ;) (Yeah, I know I'm bad, but I'm unrepentant.)

"I didnt say anything to the new girl though, but I can tell there is nothing there. Maybe a drunken hook up or 2 in the future, but nothing worth seeking out. She just made plans to go to europe with that guy she brings up from time to time, and I think they may start dating soon. No worries though, it'll all be fine."

I'm glad you're able to be so pragmatic about this -- I personally would still have something for the girl (or in my case, the guy). Frankly, probably best that they're going to Europe since it will get her out of your area until the heart catches up to the mind. :)

"and today I started my new job, and everyone is great there!"
HURRAH! Best medicine possible.

"edit: also, I wont post about this girl anymore... I feel kind of bad asking for advice, then never doing anything about it. But I'm possitive this was the right choice. I have too much to worry about at the moment to fret about this anyway. New job, and apartment hunting, plus many up coming parties, better enjoy it."

Hello? Don't apologize about posting and then never acting on advice! You post, you get answers, but you're the one in the real situation. You asked honestly because you wanted ideas. You got them but then in the real situation you knew it wouldn't work. So you didn't. That's not to say somewhere down the road the ideas might not work, but for now, you did the right thing. Otherwise, what are boards for? :)

"Now the next girl question in my life will be what to do next time I'm alone with my friends sister... I think I should just avoid that and pretend nothing happend."

Please don't pretend nothing happened. If you remember it, it's almost guaranteed she remembers it too. It's possible that her emotions could be more involved than you think they are given how strongly she came onto you. They might not be -- she might've been looking for the simple fun that you were. But please remember that this situation reversed could be the same you had with the girl who's going to Europe with another guy. Think about how you'd want your last interest to talk to you... then figure out how you'll talk to her.

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