Should I feel guilty being single?
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| Thu, 11-23-2006 - 11:14am |
I would just like some opinions from whoever is interested. I was with my son's father since I was 18 years old..my first real boyfriend. We would've been together for 5 years next month but we broke it off. Its been and on-again and off-again relationship..too much drama and stress if you ask me. I broke up with him when I was 20 and thought finally I have my freedom but then a month later found out I was pregnant and we decided to work it out and try to be a family..wrong reason. It was okay during the pregnancy but when my son was born it went back downhill. He was still be very immature and I just knew I wasn't in love with him but wanted to work it out for my son and lets face it nowadays its hard to find a household with both parents living in it.
Well we broke up again last year July then got back together this year April trying once again to work things out. Well I started noticing the same feelings I've always had all this time. I was interested in other guys, I was attracted to bf, and the thought of having sex with him was not appealing to me. So I tried to break with him but then felt so bad and kept crying about it feeling confused as to what I felt and wanted to do. So instead of hurting his feelings I tried to stay to myself and not say much..plus I would have an attitude if he wanted to talk. So then the next day he broke it off saying he couldn't deal with it anymore and felt like I was playing with his emotions. It hurt but I felt like it was for the best. He still wants to be with me but I can't see myself going back to him. It will never work..the chemistry has been long gone and he still has a lot of growing up to do as well as other men.
So my question is should I feel guilty about wanting to be single and wanting to find out what will make me happy? Should I feel guilty about wanting to figure out who I am and wanting to search within myself? I don't want my son to grow up in an unhappy household like I did. I think staying within a relationship because of the kids is the worst reason. So if anyone has any opinions or answers to my questions, I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance.
Nika :)
P.S. We are still living together until January 23rd because of our lease. I feel like I'm still living in stressful conditions.

One answer for you baby, HELL NO!! You are only 21. Of course you should be finding out who you are and what you want. You have outgrown him and you can't change back. The right thing for your son is to have two parents who love him and take care of his needs. If that means mommy and daddy don't live together, well that's the way it has to be. I know it's not ideal, but you did try and it didn't work.....
Go with your instincts and stop questioning it. The fact is, when you reach your thirties, you stop questioning your instincts.....
So, learn that lesson know so you will be one up on those of us who learned that lesson the hard way......
Go with your instincts.
GT35
first don't feel guilty, second think about counseling if you can afford it, third you need to be emotionally healthy and happy for your child to develop equally health and happy, if this means you have to be single for awhile, so be it! You don't have to hate your child's dad, just not be with him in a romantic and physical relationship. You will always have a bond via the child, but just be realistic to understand that your decisions which impact your little one are not necessarily enough to keep the bonds of the relationship intact between the two of you.
make sense?
good luck and just free yourself enough to develop yourself for a bit!