Should I go back to maiden name?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Should I go back to maiden name?
7
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 9:52pm

Well this is probably gonna seem strange to some because the length of time but here ya go:

I have been divorced for almost 2 years now and right after moved away. I came back to the same town my ex lived in this past Jan. He is now remarried and expecting a child with the woman he cheated on me with. Lately when introduced to some or meeting new people I give my name, Hi I'm Christina (his last name). oh so your HIS ex or weren't you married to Him, what where you thinking and they go on to tell me whats the latest with him as if I don't know. I've recenlty thought about changing back to my maiden name so maybe I won't be "connected" to him anymore. That way once and for all I have no ties to him and the new people I met will only know i'm his ex if I say something. I probably should have done it right after the divorce but I never had to deal with it before. It will probably be a hassle getting everything changed back but I really think my self esteem and whatever else could use the break. I'm tired of being reminded of the mistake I made. I'm about to graduate college and I would really also hate HIS name on my diploma for the rest of my life. Does that sound childish. I just need some advice. Any thoughts on the subject are greatly appreciated.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:08pm

Oh, heck, DO IT!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 11:02pm

I faced the same thing when I got divorced: go back to my maiden name or not? I didn't but now that my ex remarried, too, sometimes I wish I did. However, it's really not a big deal for me in one way. Plus, my ex tried to change my name back to my maiden name without me even knowing since he hired the lawyer during our divorce. After that, I was determined to keep my married name since he tried to go behind my back and change my name.

But I don't think you're being childish at all about wanting to go back to your maiden name. And let me tell you when I read the part about your degree, I thought, do it, like the other poster said. Thank goodness my ex's name isn't on my degree. I met him after college. In my opinion I really think you'll be very happy to change it back and not see his name on your degree.

Plus, like you said, if you change it back, everyone won't ask you about him when they hear your last name and hopefully that will help you move on.

Good luck!

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 2:15am
I think YES. That will once and for all sever all ties with him and give you some of your "you-ness" back.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 9:40am

I say change it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 12:23pm

Definitely change it.

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 7:19am

Definitely change it.

I was married for 4 years and I was so glad to get my "real" name back. I wanted to erase all vestiges of him from my life and didn't want to drag his sorry-a** name around with me the rest of my life. I even had a new matt cut for a photograph I had done that had my married signature on it. I re-signed it with my real name on the new matt.

It was a piece of cake to have my name changed, but I did it at the time of the divorce. Even if it is a hassle for you (which I doubt it will be), it's worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 6:25am

Hi,

I dont' think it's childish at all, what's childish is these people who feel it's their business coming up to you and gossiping. I too lived in a completely small town and did the same thing to me. COMPLETE STRANGERS!!! I went to the local CVS to get a prescription filled, went to pick it up, got the prescription and the girl behind the counter says to me "I'm sorry about you and Mike" I looked at her name it said "Courtney" I looked at her face, no recollection whatsoever who the heck she was, I vaguely remember when I was 19 (I was 27 at the time this happened) meeting a girl named Courtney that was a friend of a sister of a FRIEND of ours. That was the connection. And here she was saying to me sorry about you and Mike, I haven't talked to this girl but one time when I was freaking 19 years old at a party that I was probably drunk at that a friend of ours little sister brought her...I just smiled and said thanks, got in my car drove home and bawled my eyes out in the privacy of my own house. It was awful living in that town where people had no clue who I was but from my last name knew exactly who I was and knew exactly what happened to POOR ME because my loser ex was running around with his mistress. I took my name back immediately and as soon as I did, I was anonymous again to everyone who didn't ACTUALLY know who I was it was wonderful, I lived in that town for the next 5 years by myself and i t was completely blissful and to those people who knew me I just had to say to them, I know that you mean well, but I would like it if you could respect me that this part of my life is over and it was a painful part of my life and I do not associate with X anymore so having updates on him is not necessary or important to me and only furthers to disrupt my healing process I would appreciate if you would not do that. I can tell you people were shocked at first when I said that to them but they totally respected it and didn't bring him up again in front of me and whether they told him or not is irrelevant because I simply didn't care if he knew or not as long as I got emotionally healthy again after the divorce was my only concern.

Good luck oh and by the way, changing your names on things isn't THAT much of a pain, however if you didn't put in the divorce papers that you would LIKE to change you name back, you will now have to petition the courts for a name change and that is a HUGE pain. If you put in the divorce papers that you would like the option to go back and change your name at any time, than its not a big deal, just going to the DMV, calling credit card companies etc and so forth, a little time out of your day and stuff but to me was really worth it and I mailed them my social security card I didn't bring it in, saved me time.

Smile,

Deirdre