Should I wait for him to approach me?
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| Fri, 12-09-2005 - 2:25pm |
Ok - in a nutshell, there's this guy at the gym. I see him there the same night every week. We exchange glances and smiles, and I think there's mutual interest. This has been going on for awhile.
The problem is, the gym is such an awkward place to start a conversation. I feel "on display" to all the other people working out and, being sort of shy, I just can't walk right up to this guy in front of everyone. Also, he hangs out in the free weights - while I use the circuit machines and cardio equipment across the room.
So, should I wait for him to approach me?
Also, I know I am not a very approachable person. I know I come across as being in my own little world, and guys I've dated in the past have commented that they were nervous to talk to me at first. I would LOVE some advice on how to make myself more approachable both in this gym situation and in general. I hope to get advice from the guys and girls on this one.
Thanks in advance!

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Thanks for the encouragement. I like you're line - "how many sets do you have left?" because it would be acknowledging that I was an idiot when he used that line on me. :-)
I feel better today - the edge of that embarrassment is wearing off. You're also right about the practice. Obviously, I could use it! Ha ha.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
You're so right. My internal dialogue is what killed me Tuesday night with this guy. I was so determined to finally say something to him, that I had worked myself into a complete tizzy over it. My brain was on overdrive and my poor mouth couldn't catch up.
If I don't let those records play in my head, it is MUCH easier for me to have an normal, casual conversation.
Do men go through this, too? It's a darn good thing we do have a biological drive of sexual attraction/motivation, or I don't think any of us would ever get together! Sheesh.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Okay,let me ask you this...If this guy is interested in you, why hasn't HE come right out and said to YOU, let's get together for a cup of coffee instead of asking you about sets and then moving right along to talk to the guys? Why do women feel the need to grow the balls for the man and making subtle hints for them to take the hint? Do you understand my drift? I know I'm probably saying somthing that you probably don't want to hear but I know from a man's perspective, he would've kept on with a conversation with you especially after making a move towards you. Some men like to flirt. He must sense that you get flustered around him and wants to flirt with you. I can't tell you how many men have done this to me!!! Some men would even ask me out and not follow through just to see if I'd say yes!!! This is how I learned their game. I know when a man is interested because he will make it known. It's like a great business deal, they don't sleep on it.
I think you're getting yourself into a tizzy over this guy for nothing. I've been on this earth long enough to know that when a man wants a woman, HE WILL MAKE IT KNOWN AND PURSUE HER. Haven't you had that happen to you with someone you didn't want?
Okay, ladies, start throwing the stones now. LOL!
Well, I won't throw any stones because this has happened to me as well. I also know plenty of women who flirt to get asked out purely for an ego boost. Works both ways.
I think this is one of those "had to be there" situations - BUT, having never had an actual conversation with the man, I don't know what kind of person he is for sure. I do know it's worth it to me to at least have a real conversation with him, rather than just assume that he's an a** (like so many women seem to do) -- I'll give him the benefit of the doubt until I know that for sure.
I don't think it's fair of women to make the men do all the work, or expect them to. I do believe in letting the men do the chasing, but there's nothing wrong with letting him know he has some shot.
Bottom line, even if he is just flirting for his own ego boost, it's good practice for me for the next time. I guess I realized long ago that, yes, men and women do play games in flirting, dating and relating. It's sort of natural. I don't get ticked off about it.
Once you get past the game-playing phase with a person is when the real relationship starts anyway, and that's the part I love. Just trying to survive the dating "game" until then. :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Women don't like to hear it. As a woman, I don't like to hear it either but it's the truth.
Men go after what they want. It's happened to me and especially with men I was not in to. I've found myself making all kinds of excuses for guys when they wouldn't ask me out.
I agree with you, as well that the poster MAY be making more out of this than what it is.
It's nice for someone appealing to notice you, but if he can't come right out and ask you out, there are definitely reasons.
I've had the shyest guy ask me for atleast my phone number.
He slyly asked claiming he didn't want to miss any class assignments in case he was out. Once I gave it to him, he called me every evening without a skip and finally asked me out.
So...
I don't know why the o.p. is beating herself up and getting frustrated over someone who MAY not be as interested as she's hoping.
Trust me. I've been down this road as well as numerous of other women.
What happens is you'll get bored with him constantly flirting and staring and not asking you out that you'll eventually turn your interest elsewhere. (Chuckle)
You aren't going to get flamed here for having an alternate opinion as long as you present it respectfully and don't intimate that anyone who disagrees with you is somehow naiive or faulty.
To a certain degree, I agree with you. I think that men should take the initiative and they should, dare I say it, BE MEN. I am kind of an old fashioned girl in that sense. But I also think that the dating world has changed (and I think that women are largely responsible for the changes). Men have to tread more lightly for fear of a woman accusing them of harassment, for one thing. On top of that, the dynamics have just changed and women are more aggressive and men have become less so maybe to balance things out.
I prefer it for men to be super confident and just go after what they want. But I have also found that dating men like that means putting up with a certain amount of ego. At this point in my life, I would not dismiss a man just because he was not agressive enough. That's a good way to overlook some really nice men. Besides - to each his own. Some women prefer men who are shy. I am not one of them, but I can understand it.
This "original poster" was simply aasking for an opinion on becoming more approachable.
I have not planned my wedding to the man! LOL. I don't know anything about him other than what he looks like and the kind of vibe he gives off. It's called attraction. If he doesn't ever speak to me again, it won't be the end of the world.
I disagree with the implication that I am naive, but appreciate all opinions.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
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