SICK of BEING SINGLE!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
SICK of BEING SINGLE!!
14
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 6:44pm

ok, I'm 30 years old...and I am SICK of BEING SINGLE!! I'm ready for the next phase of my life to begin any day now!!!
I find myself actually being jealous of my friends and their lives...seeing them with their kids or husbands or boyfriends....

Anyone else feel this way???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 10:02pm

I actually don't feel like this but maybe because I'm a bit younger. Although I would love to have a great man in my life I'm not at a point where I'm lonely without one. I'm doing things for myself and enjoying being single. I could very easily have someone just for the sake of having someone but I want the right someone. I'm not willing to compromise what I need/want just to not be single. Sometimes it can be a little tough but thats when I remind myself that I would rather be single than be with someone who isn't right.

You just never know when someone is going to walk into your life...I'm always looking forward to events that expose me to new people because at the very least I had a good time and may have made a new friend - and a new friend/aquaintenance opens a bunch of other doors.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 10:32pm
I agree with you! I am not willing to settle either..which is why I'm still single. I agree that I would rather be single then to be with someone just so I'm not alone. I do do things on my own and am very self sufficient. I am not lonely...just would like someone to spend my time with. I didn't mean to come off as desperate..I'm not..I do go out and do things and have fun! But it is always better to do things with a significant other ya know?
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 11:26pm

I realize this probably won't be of much comfort to you, but if I had a dollar for every post I've seen like this one. I'd say everything that I say in all of the other posts, you know, about staying busy and enjoying yourself in spite of your romantic woes, but it seems as though you already have a handle on those things so instead, I'll simply agree with you ; )

At least we have our health as well as, family, friends and a roof over our heads. I suppose it could be a lot worse . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 6:14pm
I'm sick of being single too and this has to do with getting older. Throughout my 20's my focus was not on being in a RS so it was fine to be w/o one. You want different things at different time in your life. There's nothing wrong with wanting or not wanting it. However, to be single is better than being in a bad RS. So I totally understand when you say you're sick of being single. I read it to mean you want to be in a good RS not that you're desparate and just want any RS. I'm in a funk right now so it's hard to give any word of encouragement other than try to make the best of the situation even if you really really hate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 2:57am

i am 31 years old
been single my whole life
i have never had a bf
and what drives me crazy is religious people's dillusion that god has suddenly called everyone to be single from now on
its really sad to hear people justify their singlehood by calling it gods will
they say that some man named paul said it was better to stay single than to get married
what some christians dont tell you is that this man clearly states that was not got talking but him talking

i am ugly
somewhat fat
cant have kids
i know it deep down that i will get never get married

lets face it
if youre not pretty
youre out of luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 9:54am

<"i am ugly
somewhat fat
cant have kids
i know it deep down that i will get never get married">

If this is how you feel about yourself...how can you expect to find someone who wants a relationship with you. I'm not being mean but if you don't like yourself..how can anyone else? If you believe you will never get married..then you probably won't.

<"lets face it
if youre not pretty
youre out of luck">

Hmm...sorry I don't by that. I have seen many many people who are not that attractive in very HAPPY relationships. To me yes looks are somewhat important, but a person is defined by more that just that. How about personality, sense of humor? A person can be EXTREMELY beautiful but is she/he can't hold a conversation, hmm what good are they in a relationship?? Yes there are your trophy wives..and if that's what you looking for..go for it. I know I'm looking for a relationship that is based on more than just looks. Someone who wants to be with me because I'm caring, sensitive, compassionate, sincere, have a great sense of humor, and much more NOT JUST MY LOOKS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 2:51pm

To crvgrl, I agree with the other post! Looks are not everything! I am fairly attractive and people tell me I'm thin all the time, but guess what? My ex-husband is now with a heavy woman, and he is happy. I'm okay with that. He is happier with her because they have a lot more in common than I did with him. Also, my ex-husband's best friend used to always describe his perfect woman as being very thin and attractive. Well, he ended up marrying a heavy woman and she's really not that attractive. But it's the same thing: he loves her for her. I told him a long time ago, when he found the one he really loved, he wouldn't be concerned about her looks. Now, they have a child together and are very happy.

You have to like yourself and have a good attitutude to attract men. Looks will only get you so far.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 2:54pm

Sorry about that! I meant to direct my post to kat xk8, not crvgrl.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 2:33pm

I completely agree that no matter who you are, how you look, there's someone who digs you. With the exception of the very beautiful who is wanted by everyone, most people are not wanted by everyone. The key is to meet someone who wants you that you would want too. You can't make someone love you, you can only make yourself lovable and hopefully you'll meet someone who loves you. This goes to show effort only plays a small role. this is analogous to playing the lotto. You have to play to get a chance to win but it's luck that determines if you'll win anything. I've been up and down with this single thing. Sometimes the urges are unbearable, like right now and I suppress it with work. Other times I am able to enjoy life more and do more fun things but no matter what I do, it is always there. Despite all of the lack of anything encouraging and despite the many heartbreaks - and boy, do I get them bad, once in a while I would meet someone that makes me forget the pain and get my hopes up again, only the get them squashed soon after. So, sadly, I haven't had any positive reinforcement for this behavoir of falling in love b/c everytime I try I get zapped.

But deep down, I still have this picture of me being married and having children. How and when, I have no idea and at this time is not able to imagine it. It's just that little bit of hope for a miracle or just very deep imprinting from my upbringing- I don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 4:10pm

Hi Kat_xk8

Your message worried me somewhat... I am a Christian and just to clarify, Paul did not say it is better to be single and it's God's will. He said it is better to marry if you are lusting after someone to solidfy your relationship and give yourself to your partner 100%, than just to lust. He then went on to say, if you wish to be single, that is also great, it frees you up to dedicate your life to God. So, basically what he was saying is that God would be happier if you committed to someone instead of simply lusting (in 2006 sleeping around), but if you wished to stay single, to dedicate your life to loving God, instead of spending your time wallowing in self pity and selfish need. By no means does God ever want you to be lonely, or sad. He's greatest gift is love and to feel unconditional love 24/7.

On another note... looks have nothing to do with finding true love. Yes, chemistry is important, but looks have nothing to do with chemistry. True beauty shines from within. Confidence, self esteem, self assurance, these are the things that make you glow. I have several friends, some thin, some fat, some physically attractive, some not. Too me the beauty that I see is who they are, not what they are.

I feel my worst when I have not reflected light, but taken it out of others. It's not a bad day if my skin breaks out, or I'm bloated... it's a bad day if my actions have caused another person to suffer.

You attract love... by loving and that includes yourself. There are two commandments in the New Testament, spoken by Christ - "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind, AND love all mankind as you love yourself!" - how can you love someone else if you don't love you.

If you make any New Year's resolutions, don't make them to diet, get a tan, find a boyfriend... make one - to learn to love you! Because it honestly is the greatest gift you can possibly give yourself!

You can choose every day to be the candle or be the mirror that reflects, or you can simply choose to be both.

Good luck and have faith.

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