Sick of It

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sick of It
3
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 9:05pm
Today, I saw someone interesting, and I actually told myself "No, I won't approach her." Why am I sabotaging myself like this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: akt226
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 1:08pm

You're not sabotaging yourself -- your intuition tells you there aren't enough signals for you to approach that woman, and therefore you correctly abstain. If the signals had been there (e.g. eye contact or a smile), your intuition would have given a green light.

You can't just approach any woman -- she has to give you signals first, and your body takes care of that by letting you know whom and when it's safe to approach. Otherwise, you would get rejected and your self-esteem would plummet, which would make it harder to approach even the ones that ARE interested. Confidence is built upon previous successes, not failures.

Your body is a friend, not an enemy.




Edited 5/12/2006 1:22 pm ET by ukw1980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 8:58pm

I understand what you are saying, but I know that it is self-sabotage. For example, on Monday, I dressed up for work, and I knew that I looked tasty. On my bus ride home, there was a girl catching the bus. We saw each other through the window and held eye contact, long enough for both of us to turn ours heads to maintain the eye contact while she was walking toward the entrance. A while later, she sat next to me, and I felt so uncomfortable that I could not turn around and look at her again....

I am just frustrated right now. Yet, seeing things in perspective, I am beginning to look at people and smile at them. It is progress, although it is not my most radiant smile--just a neutral one that says "I see you".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
In reply to: akt226
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 4:32am

Wow maybe you and me are clones lol

I know exactly what you are saying. I have had girls come up to me and start talking to me and asking me questions just to start a conversation to the point that even I know they are coming on to me. And I hardly say anything until they think I am stuck up or an a**hole. I dont know what it is I am just not really a people person and I hate myself for it. The worst thing though is I have no way of fixing my problem or any idea how to approach TRYING to fix this problem. I have tried eye contact and smiling which just makes me feel embarassed and run away like a huge coward.