signals - the mixing of

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
signals - the mixing of
14
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 4:50pm

Hey, y'all! I have a situation that is really eating at me, and I've been getting opinions from people, but thought I'd ask you about it too.

Ok, where do I start? You probably won't even want to read this once you see how long it is, but that's just how confused I am.

There's the guy I work with, he's 10 years older than me and doesn't have any kids, but does have something else: a psycho girlfriend.

To begin with, I never had an interest in this guy, I always assumed they were happy together and didn't think anything of us.

Well, a few weeks ago, he began majorly flirting with me, and I thought nothing of it, he's a guy - he flirts, whatever. But then I heard from friends who work with us that what turns out is a really dysfunctional relationship between these two was on the rocks, majorly.

I love my friends and they have always pointed out to me how oblivious i can be, as they say they noticed he seemed interested a while back and I wasn't even noticing how hard he was flirting with me. They even asked if he did break up with "it", would I be interested? It had never really crossed my mind before, but it was like I started seeing him differently and thought, yeah, that wouldn't be bad.

Anyways, he continued flirting big-time, and now that I was on the lookout for it, I did notice what they had - how he really stares and smiles at me and is always trying to help me, and then it made me think of times in the past where I'd be asking someone else and he'd all of a sudden be there, asking what I needed.

Then he and some people from where we work started organizing some other activities to do outside of work and he always wanted to make sure I knew how to get there.

So it definitely seemed like he had a crush, but he was still technically with her.

Well, whenever he's with her, he doesn't acknowledge me much and I haven't tried anything, but she's never liked me and when she heard I was going to these events, she acted really nice to me and while she had never talked to me before, started talking to me like we were best buds, and my friends say it was because she was trying to keep the enemy closer, which I suppose is true.

Okay, this is all I'm going to tell for now to see if anyone will even reply, then if I get more replies, I'll tell more of what's been going on since then, but basically, and I know it's juvenile, but I'm trying to figure out if this guy is interested. From what you've heard so far, does it sound like it? Sorry, but it's been giving me a splitting headache and I just had to unload it on some more poor, unsuspecting souls such as yourselves, but not all at once.

Thank you if you read this far,
Ariel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:39am

"I'm trying to figure out if this guy is interested."


It really doesn't matter whether or not he's interested because he has a girlfriend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 1:08pm
I have to agree with the "psycho" issue the two previous posters (FRL & CGUN) brought up. The gf's issues could be the insecurity/fallout from dealing with a philandering bf (that would make anyone a bit nutso) on the other hand, if she IS a danger...you mentioned she tried to hurt you once before...then she'll be a problem long after a breakup (should that actually happen), which might even trigger something worse. I agree totally with CGUN about your co-workers...why in the world would they encourage you into such a volatile situation? You need to make it crystal clear to everyone that you are not interested and to back off.
Good Luck...Chele
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 1:38pm

>Her psycho-ness might just be a reflection of
>what a CRUMMY boyfriend he is!?!?!?!

I completely and utterly disagree. That's tantamount to saying that abuse is justified. In fact, THAT is exactly the type of thing abusers say to their partners. There is NO EXCUSE to act like a psycho...EVER!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 2:00pm

I think she was trying to illustrate that maybe she ISN'T a psycho.

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