Single, 28 , Running Out of Time

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Single, 28 , Running Out of Time
23
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 1:50pm
I feel like I am being left behind everyone else in my age group as they continue forward with their wonderful husbands, babies and gorgeous houses and I'm all alone wishing I had what they have. I am 28 and single. I have a good job, am educated, am active, have good friends. But I am really lonely. I was in an incredible, wonderful relationship for two years with a man I thought was perfect and whom I thought I would marry. He broke up with my unexpectedly
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 2:17am

It can be hard not to be envious of those things, but you have to focus on you and what you do have rather than what you don't.


I'm 38 years old. Married at 24,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 3:16am

Wow you sound exactly like i did at 30!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 10:36am

Girlfriend, if you're worried about that at 28, then I should have checked into the nursing home long ago! I'm 35, never been married and have no children.


I will tell you this - I was single for 7 years before I met Mr. Pooh. Actually, we had known each other for a long time, but started dating 5 years ago. I also had met a guy who I thought was "the one." He was divorced, had 3 kids who I loved, and a girlfriend on the side. I found that out from his friends. I didn't love that.


My friends who were on a mission to marry - here's the rundown:



  1. One

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 12:33pm

Thank you all for taking the time to post. I really appreciate hearing different perspectives. I do have a good group of friends and they are there for me. But most of my friends are married and many have young families. Once they settle into work-husband-house-kids, people are just busy with their own lives and can't be there as much as they used to, or as I was for them when they were single or having RL issues before they settled down. You guys know how it is -- friends who can't meet for drinks because they're too busy househunting, friends who can talk on the phone for just 10 minutes before the baby starts to cry, friends who can't do dinner on the weekend because that is when they do couple time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 1:22pm

But your self-esteem will bounce back, especially if you had good self-esteem before you broke up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 2:14pm

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From reading your post - not too sure if you got it - but I can tell you this man did you a favour. The 'attention I deserved and wanted' is what sealed the deal with me on him - classic male excuse for not being an adult.


If at 34 he does not know what he wants you should be releasing a sigh of relief he's gone. At 34 he should have a clue. Take it from someone 10 years older and has been married - he did you a favour.


I don't think there is anything on this planet you could have done differently in your role as a GF - but if he's still not mature enough - which is what it sounds like - then nothing you would do would change it.


I think you did all the things that one would hope shows a partner you truly love them - but if your ex does not fully 'love' himself then no matter what you did it's not going to make him mature enough to be a partner.


Stop beating yourself up about it.


Beach

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 11:33pm
28???
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 10:08am
This is why you don't put every ounce of yourself into someone. I'm not sure you had great self-esteem prior to being involved with him or you wouldn't have done everything for him, "adored" him, and basically lived for him. Sounds like you lost yourself in the relationship and maybe he knew that and found it unhealthy and unattractive. Or it's exactly as he basically said - he wasn't ready to settle down. Who knows the reason? What is important now is to get yourself right and maybe counseling would help you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 10:12am

Well, I already answered this post on the

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2001
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 8:36pm

Hi Erin,


Listen,