Single for almost 4 yrs....and sad :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Single for almost 4 yrs....and sad :(
24
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 10:42pm

I'm officially TEFLON for relationships.... :(

I'm in my mid-20s, attractive, in shape, have a successful career (way beyond my years), a fabulous condo and wonderful friends.. family is a bit sketch..but who's isn't! And I am alone...and lonely.

Problem is... i've been single since 2nd year in University. I haven't had a long term realtionship in 4 years. In that time span... friends have gotten married, fallen in and out of love... and I've just sort of been stagnant. I've dated - with little success- and had intermittent 1-2 month "things" (that aren't even deserving of a relationship title) and usually gotten run over in the process.

I, like many woman, have the tendency to like the "bad boys". I have guys come after me, but none of them I'm attracted to OR the ones that I am ... I never hear from again. I can't seem to win at this dating game!

Tried online dating on advice from a friend...and AGAIN... guys I liked... never heard from them again and I had all these freaky-icky guys emailing me! Agh! I'm starting to think that physically...it's me. I'm pretty but I'm very small chested for my size... and have been contemplating implants. I know that is NOT the answer...but I feel like it will help with my confidence?

Right now, I've fallen into the bad trap of attracting "taken" guys. The last 3 guys I've met and kissed have had girlfriends and failed to notify me of the fact. Last guy, that I've developed strong feelings for...is someone I work with...and yes, we had a moment and wait, yes, he has a girlfriend. Now, he's stuck in my head.

I'm ready for a relationship, but I can't find anyone that seems to hold my interest. Am I being too picky? or self-distructive? I can't tell anymore.. I'm starting to think I'm ugly or personality-challenged .. even though I know it's not the case. I have acquaintances who treat their boyfriends like crap but ALWAYS seem to be dating these fabulous guys. I guess nice girls don't finish first EITHER!

All of my friends are starting to be more and more in serious relationships...even some of the die-hard single gals...are now taken up with guys. So more and more I'm getting left out of the picture - i.e. couple nights out... etc etc....

I know ... people are going to say join a club or something... or try a singles cooking class. But the thing is I work ridiculously long hours and travel lots. My free time (when I have some) is spent shopping or playing hockey/working out.

Please help... or support from others feeling the same... would be great

i feel so alone!

kaye

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 11:17pm
Trust me Girl, you are not alone. I wish you live closer because I live for shopping. I am working hard to calm down on it but...hehehehe! I don't think I've found anything frustrating than dating. I am all about positive thinking but at times I simply get tired of hearing people tell me the right guy for me is out there. What's he waiting for?? Being single for almost 2 years, I think I've heard all the adage about dating. I did exactly what you did. I threw myself into work and got back to school. At the end of the day though, when I have to craw into my bed, there's always that reminder that yet another day, I am single. I am 29 y/o and approaching the big 30. I used to think that I had my life so well planned and just one ugly day brought me back to square one. I feel like I have to start all over again and this time, I don't even have the support I used to have. Needless to say, let's not loose hope. If there's really somebody out there for everybody, ours should put on their running shows and start running towards us because the waiting is getting just a little old. hehehehe! I will be waiting for a story from you when you couple up. Good luck girl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 6:54pm

I have to cut back on the shopping, too, but it never happens! Too bad you weren't nearby today. I went on a little shopping trip..found a cute sweater at American Eagle and got some candles and a picture frame from Pier 1 to perk up my apartment a bit. :-)

I know what you mean about the end of the day, especially when you crawl into bed alone. Granted, that was what I was doing in my last relationship 90% of the time because of the distance, so what difference did it make, right? It feels like the older I get, the harder it is to start over. But I try to stay positive most of the time! Yeah, they need to start doing sprints to us! I'm sure I'll be hearing a hook up story from you one of these days, too!

Veena :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 11:12pm

You are too funny. I wish I was closer too. Shopping definitely would have beat what I was doing today. I stayed inside and studied my ass off. Sadly, I still don't think I am ready for exam on tuesday, especially after working all day tomorrow. Besides, it was very windy over here today and to be truthful, I am shocked that my car is still parked at where I left it. hehehehe! I am heading to NYC this weekend and that's where I usually put a dent in my paycheck due to shopping. It seems like that's all I got going for me right now.

On other matters, yeah, you were having lots of sleep alone due to your long distance relationship. It will be very great for you to find somebody closer. My ex was in the NAVY and stationed in Virginia so I did lots and lots of sleeping alone but I never got used to it. Also, I think I am done with military men :) I am a cuddling, touchy person so I need my man close. With luck our knight in shinning armor is riding his white horse closer to us by the minute. Until then, some good ol' shopping and partying won't hurt. hehehehe!

Viv

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2005
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 7:51pm

LOL Viv! Good luck on that exam. I'm sure you'll do fine! That's the one thing I don't miss about being in school. Shopping in NYC is potentially dangerous for me. I've been there twice and both times I came back with an astronomical credit card bill, haha.

I never dated a military man. I never really came across any. But I can see why you wouldn't want to date another one. Although they do look good in uniform :-) ...anyways.

Have fun this weekend!

Veena :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 1:18pm

hey.....dont you guys ever think its just America facing the crunch of good girls meeting good guys. I am 27 and from India...and guess what, my story hasnt been any different. I have degree...a great job...independent....I look good..if not great and have had relationships that have left me drained.

I was down in dumps for the past few days and wanted to talk to people who had the same pains as I have....all my friends are now married or getting married or living with their partners or going around....I have recently given up on men, cuz i think I have the most useless ones in my share.

But still like so many of you I have also not given up the hope to find the right guy. But truely sleeping alone every nite makes u feel miserable sometimes. But I still feel its better than an idiot sleeping with you, who you would want to kill as soon as he wakes or maybe throw him out of the window...or (your choice...hehehe).

Not that I am convinced but maybe you people will agree that 'lifes beautiful' yet....

so all you beautiful gals out there......good luck and God bless.....and you are not alone for sure...maybe WE can be friendz.

love
celeste.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 7:08pm
Oh, I love men in Uniform. heheheehe! Fortunately, I was with my BF before he joined the military so it wasn't the uniform that got me. Needless to say, he was fine in uniform. LOL. NYC is definitely bad for anybody who loves shopping. It takes lots of discipline and courage I am still looking for, not to do damage when in NYC. Needless to say, I have learn to slow a little bit due to bills. Oh, the exam went well and I am looking forward to the results. I have another posting that I will want to you to check it out and give me some advise because if embarrasment can kill, I should say I might have dug my grave today.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 4:23pm
And I am from Europe and much older than anyone in this thread and it is the same story here:( The thing is that society has changed a lot for the worse in the past 30 years and men can get sex so easily they have no incentive to settle with one person. I think the thing to do is to chill, have a casual fling if you feel like it and date a 'taken' (not married though) man because sometimes that guy can choose you over his girlfriend. AFter all, it is true that all the attractive men are taken and all's fair in love and war etc. I am at the menopause stage so missed the boat as far as having kids goes. I am very attractive but never met Mr Right. There is no guarantee that you will. You just have to go about your life and stop looking because that is when you are most likely to meet someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 6:57pm

You are right Celeste, life is still beautiful. I am sure all of us have had our share of bad relationships. Don't give up though. You definitely can take some time to yourself but don't give up. I am sure the right person is out there...only if we can find him quickly and easily. I know it's easier said than done but hang in there. You are right, all of us can be friends :)

Viv

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 7:07pm
I hear you on the men getting sex easily. I met a guy in NYC and this dude claim to be really into me. Some how, I just wasn't ready to date but we remain friends. As time went on he told me that there's a thing in NYC where men don't date just one person. Talk about not putting all your eggs in one basket!!! I am sure there are people (both men and women) who dates multiple people for whatever reason they have but my thing is, if you want to date somebody, give them the time and attention they deserve, if it doesn't work out, then you move on. I just feel like, when you have so many choices, you tend to make haste decisions about certain things and may tend to be a little critical because you have choices and there's no need for you to stay and find out if a particular behavior of a guy is permanent or just a show off. Needless to say, I told my friend I like him more as a friend and that he can go on and date her multiple women but I rather not be one. It's really, really hard to meet good men right now. I am sure they are out there but I simply can't find them! hehehehe!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 7:59am
Exactly. I hear there is a man shortage in NYC (come to think of it there is a good man shortage everywhere) so I guess the guys there make the most of it. But I would date a guy who has a gf provided I don't have sex with him. After all, in the beginning nobody sensible should really put their eggs in one basket and it takes time to get to know someone properly. As far as sex goes; if you don't want to do it quickly then just say no and move on. He can always find someone else who will do it straight away.