Single for almost 4 yrs....and sad :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Single for almost 4 yrs....and sad :(
24
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 10:42pm

I'm officially TEFLON for relationships.... :(

I'm in my mid-20s, attractive, in shape, have a successful career (way beyond my years), a fabulous condo and wonderful friends.. family is a bit sketch..but who's isn't! And I am alone...and lonely.

Problem is... i've been single since 2nd year in University. I haven't had a long term realtionship in 4 years. In that time span... friends have gotten married, fallen in and out of love... and I've just sort of been stagnant. I've dated - with little success- and had intermittent 1-2 month "things" (that aren't even deserving of a relationship title) and usually gotten run over in the process.

I, like many woman, have the tendency to like the "bad boys". I have guys come after me, but none of them I'm attracted to OR the ones that I am ... I never hear from again. I can't seem to win at this dating game!

Tried online dating on advice from a friend...and AGAIN... guys I liked... never heard from them again and I had all these freaky-icky guys emailing me! Agh! I'm starting to think that physically...it's me. I'm pretty but I'm very small chested for my size... and have been contemplating implants. I know that is NOT the answer...but I feel like it will help with my confidence?

Right now, I've fallen into the bad trap of attracting "taken" guys. The last 3 guys I've met and kissed have had girlfriends and failed to notify me of the fact. Last guy, that I've developed strong feelings for...is someone I work with...and yes, we had a moment and wait, yes, he has a girlfriend. Now, he's stuck in my head.

I'm ready for a relationship, but I can't find anyone that seems to hold my interest. Am I being too picky? or self-distructive? I can't tell anymore.. I'm starting to think I'm ugly or personality-challenged .. even though I know it's not the case. I have acquaintances who treat their boyfriends like crap but ALWAYS seem to be dating these fabulous guys. I guess nice girls don't finish first EITHER!

All of my friends are starting to be more and more in serious relationships...even some of the die-hard single gals...are now taken up with guys. So more and more I'm getting left out of the picture - i.e. couple nights out... etc etc....

I know ... people are going to say join a club or something... or try a singles cooking class. But the thing is I work ridiculously long hours and travel lots. My free time (when I have some) is spent shopping or playing hockey/working out.

Please help... or support from others feeling the same... would be great

i feel so alone!

kaye

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 2:15pm

No worries girl, same boat.. What I find more than anything is that alot of the men that i meet are just intimidated... I got into Uni at a young age, graduated young, focused on my career, and am now running my own business with anywhere from 24-40 ppl working for me any given day, funny thing is that most of my employees are WAY older than me...

A man could be intimidated if he's not as successful, financially secure, educated or prosperous as you... and he would back off as it would take away from his manliness.. as for picking the wrong guys.... i was watching sex and the city last night and they addressed that same issue... the moral of the story was that the only thing in common between all those men is you.

sometime we purposely attract the wrong types because subconciously were scared to commit afraid to be hurt.. which is very possible since altho u seem ready for a relationship have had flings with men who are in relationships, thats bound to impact ur perception of men and their levels of commitment...

Hang in there girl.... Hats off for u uve gotten this far in life.. try older men.. since men ur age are probably still payin off school loans.. try happy hours after work... since mainly career ppl go there music is low and everyones there to chat.. Or golf.. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 1:20pm
For me, I can't bring myself to date a man who is taken. I get attach too easily and soon or later, I will want him to be just mine. LOL! There are definitely shortage of good men. It's rather unfortunate because there so many great women out there who could really, really use a good man right now. Let's hope things will balance out very soon because there's no fun in searching or waiting for a good man. hehehehe
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 2:00pm
Well, I am single as well... 5 years now. Its hard at times, I'll give you that.
I am 31, and NONE of my encounters were deserving of the term "relationship".
I am a busy person, and stuck to one rule against dating any one from work, that cut meeting potentail partners down to size considerably. I dont got to the bars. Why? I like to have fun, but I am not into casual sex. Its basicaly russian rulette these days....So, you learn to deal with it. And honestly, its been a long time sice I have meet a man that realy captured my interest...
I read a book a while back ... "1001 night without sex, The curse of the singles table" cant think of the author right off hand...Its a story about a middle age woman in her 30's and celibacy. It was quite a read. So take heart, you are still quite young. Its easy to hookup, but staying together is the tricky part, and I guess we just want to get right...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 5:23pm

calm that butt down girl...20-somthing and eager to have a mate.

well, that is a nice idea however GOD has other plans for you...dont go fishing for the men and dont go throwing yourself outthere with that desperate look in your eyes.
obviously you are not subconsciously ready to settle down. maybe on the serface u think you are because "all your friends are" ...my cousin just got married in december of 04. she is 37(same as i am), a pharmaceutical traveling rep, owns her own house, car.
she met her new hubby 2 years ago. So don't sweat the small stuff JUST Coz your friends are doing it. IF they jump off the ninth street bridge at 25 years of age would you do the same? BE happy for your blessings and what you have now. When he is ready to find you he will and he'll be the best thing that fell into your lap when you least expect it to.
I got married at 23 and divorced at 29. if you have 3 girlfriends right now ...say 2 r already married and one is gonna be this year or next...all 3 may end up in divorce court by 2012, right when you find mister right and end up having a 50 year marriage.
IF you are that lucky. My sister was was engaged 8 months after meeting her hubby. that was in 86...married in 87...they are still married. My brother was married 4 years the first time. He met and dated his present wife for 3 years, married in 83 and they are still married. I was engaged to a man ive been with for 5 years- i walked away from him 7 weeks ago.

Dont bite what you cant chew. Hay one more thing i have a cousin who is in her late 80's...she has been a bachelorette all her life and she has no regrets. I cant tell you how many mens hearts were broken by her. She is a wonderful person regardless of her being single.

Bless you and take your time. Good things come to those who wait.

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