Single good or bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Single good or bad
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 4:47pm
Okay - I am new here.

Soooo nice to have place to vent, and get advice.

I am going to be 30 in less than a month, and I am ready to settle down.

I have been single for 2 years. Before that fromthe ages of 15 - 28 very serious boyfriends that lasted about 3-4 years each. They were one after another/ overlapped (hey! I was young). I have had quite a few flings in between... blah blah blah.

Problem is now, its soooo hard to meet anyone. None of my girlfriends are single. I tried to the interenet thing, some guys were okay. But all in all, they were a bot socially inept. The few girls I know that are single are very competitive and snobby. Its not even fun to go with them. My other friend that goes out is married, and will only hang out at a lesbian bar. So, I have no one to go prowling with.

I do have a crush on one guy, who is dating someone, so that is out of the question (Though he tell me they are ready to break up. When I first found out - after two hook-ups, he said they were not exclusive, and it was just a dating thing. Now its a kinda girlfriend.) We had a whole email exchange - I finally tried flirting to get his attention. If anyone wants to read it and give me advice, I'd love it. Just let me know.

Anyway, How do you meet people? Why is it so hard?

I know single is supposed to be fun, but I am bored, and would at least like someone steady to date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 10:25am
I think your predicament mirrors a lot of other posters, in that I think what you need is not The One, but FRIENDS.

You complained about not having anyone to hang out w/, but what you're really after is friends, male or female (yes, guys can be friends). I remember reading somewhere that only a boring person gets bored, so maybe you need to cultivate yourself a little more.

I remember one year I too was getting bored w/myself, w/out BFs OR GFs, so I started cultivating my own interests. I was always interested in live theater, so I started watching out for college productions, which tend to have cheaper ticket prices, but are often surprisingly good. I received a lot of pleasant surprises at some of those plays, and even made a new friend or two, people who were also interested in theater.

Since I had time on my hands, I also worked a p/t time job or two. I was a worker for the 2000 US Census--and I got 2 dates out of that! I had so much fun at that that I'm planning to go onboard for the 2010 Census.

Besides the $$, I was also putting myself before more audiences; "being seen" still does count for something. By being out and about more often, you're seen by more and more people, and so you create your own social cachet: who is this woman who seems to be everywhere (and presumably "in demand"). It sounds trite, but it worked for me!

Anyway, those are 2 things that worked for me, which I plan to do again, once my 2 knee surgeries are behind me. So right now I've got health issues to contend w/, but once I'm "back in the saddle"--look out, world, here I come!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 1:22pm
I hope your surgery goes well! I am sorry about your knee.

Well, I am very busy. Which sadly seems to through some guys off. I am an attorneym, I snowboard, skateboard, go to the beach, hike, camp, go to the theatre, have a bunch of different groups of friends, and visit my family often, go on raod trips, all on a very regular basis.

Its just that all my friends are married. Its hard to meet people that have as much energy as I do. Other attorneys are either too old, or the young cute ones have been snagged a long time ago.

You are right, I am not necessarily looking for a bf (though I am ready to settle down, but not to settle), I also want friends who are in thge same place I am. It just seems hard to find!