Slow and steady wins, right??

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Slow and steady wins, right??
Sat, 11-17-2012 - 1:50pm

I've always said that I like to get to know someone first before I even have a real date with them.  I like meeting someone, slowly developing a sort of "friendship", and then moving into dating or whatever.  But I'm getting impatient with this guy!

So I have his number.  I texted him.  He responded, but I'm not sure he knew it was me so he probably doesn't know he has my number, or didn't save it.  A couple of weeks ago, he sent me a friend request on FB.  My girlfriend (the one who got his number first) is also friends with him now.  I'm not sure if she sent him one, then he sent me one, or he sent one to both of us.  Anyway...not a big deal because I don't consider FB a dating place, but at least he maybe sees me as someone he'd like to keep in touch with. 

In the meantime, there have been many glances, prolonged eye contact, smiles, etc. exchanged during trivia.  He's been telling me goodbye when he leaves, with a little pat on the shoulder.  This Thursday, he came over to our table and somehow got on the topic of how he wants kids.  (Can we say uterus throbbing???  I might have just taken him right there if I'd had a stronger drink!) 

Ugh.  I feel like there's progress...we're getting to know each other, talking more, etc....but it's soooo sloooow.  Which I guess is what I like.  But in the meantime, I've still got those uterus throbs!  I've thought about just texting him a random (unnecessary) question one night about something, but I haven't a clue what I'd say.   I need to talk to him without my friends around, and that's not going to happen at trivia.  My friends are always around! 

In the meantime, I wait.  And try to ignore the fact that his friends seem like crude jerks!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 9:38am



Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 12:51pm

"All i can add is we could write hundred books about how difficult it is to lead an LDR while being identical twins that are incredibly close.."

I can't even imagine . . . I can tell the two of you are extremely close.  You must have that twin-psychic thing going on or something because you usually post within mere minutes of one another - it's amazeballs!   

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 6:42pm

  Shy it is time to be aggressive.  Get rid of the "friends" who are in your way.  Re-program yourself.  You are experiencing anxiety about a possibility.  Ask him out.  If he is too polite or respectful then use the cast iron skillet method.  You get irritated if they seem to want sex?  Then challenge them.  Tell those men you would not consider as a lover someone who did not ask you out.  Want children seek the best genetic specimen of male.  Go Gurl!!  Go and conquer!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 12:25pm


Oh we're not telepathic or anything...Smile We just tend to read ivillage 'together'. Rocklady in her office in Germany, and me in mine here in England. We 'like and dislike' the same people, are intrigued by and indifferent to the same 'characters' and stories, have almost 100% idential opinions on people's dilemas... you get the picture. I'll read a post and tell her about it and she will do the same.  You should have been a fly on the wall listening to our 'Marina' conversations on the phone and in person. Smile  Oh hooow  both 'loved'...'her'...LOL................... Just an example of us having the exact same opinion on something going on here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 12:34pm

so Julia  you sound like an expert on how to get into a relationship.

why not share how to do that and tell us about how great your relationship is?? you never speak about your man so I am assuming he might not be as great as you say.. I dont think you ever talk about your own relationship at all with him other than he plays an instrument or something..

why is that?? It  makes me wonder ??they say when people dont discuss their lives and focus too much on others they are not happy within themselves..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 10:25am

First of all, apologies to Shywon for hijacking the thread...

Second, Free, you seriously want me to gush about my relationship here on the single board? When both Rocklady and myself were told off for even posting here some time ago?

 I call him husband now because after almost 10 years together and at our age, 42 and 45, bf just sounds stupid, and I don't like 'partner' anymore. I've spoken about him all over the place on ivillage, and here too at some point in the past..

Free, the one who plays bass guitar in a rock band is Rocklady's, not mine.. Smile

Ok, lookswise: he's 6ft 2, about 13 stone, not athletic but very slim, truly very handsome - beauuuuutiful dark brown eyes and they have this one feature, they look like he's got a permanent eyeliner tattoed at the very top of his lower lashes because they are so thick- AMAZING. Perfect nose. Slightly thin lips but perfect for his face. Perfect facial structure overall.  Has very thick wavy black hair well past his shoulders. Lots of tats on his upper arms. Dresses old-rocker-style, leather jacket, jeans, band t-shirt. Adores rock/metal music just like I do. Most importantly, he's a kid at heart.

Relationship: we are, simply put, made for each other. We are very happy together. We are compatible on every front that is important: as a man and a woman, as people, as everything else that we are. He is the easiest person on the planet to live with, sociable, kind, happy by nature,  not a trace of temper, easygoing, all together a lovely person. He works for a non-profit organisation p/t and also teaches Italian to students at home. We're not workaholics; work is not important to us. Work's what you do to pay for gooooooooood tiiiiiiimes. We like to have fun and relax and laugh  and drink our wine and whiskey. We don't do mortages children or huge loaded responsibilities - basically live a lifestyle of people around 15 years younger than us and are very happy with it too! We're not rich in any way, and neither are we perfect. He isn't perfect by any means, and neither am I.  But he is perfect for me, and I for him.

Will that do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 1:45pm
Why not invite him out for coffee? a coffee date? ...not sure his jerky friends will be out of the picture anytime soon unfortunately, will they? Hopefully they will include you as one of their own once you are a couple. Best Of Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 4:48am
Shy, you and I are in the same boat so to speak. I have told you people about that bass player neighbour of mine. Have him on FB, and we have talked a bit at occasions as you might remember from my posts. Well, after work yesterday I was at my local grocery store and when I turned (was reading a page in a mag) he was standing in line very close to me! I put on my biggest smile, looked him in the eyes and said hi, and he replied. Stood behind him in the line for just a few minutes, but did I start talking to him (or vice versa)? Oh no! He got out of the garage just before I was walking past it afterwards, and that was it. I could have kicked myself! I normally have no problems talking to people about the most trivial things, but to this guy when I suddenly meet him?! Losing the ability to speak. I am probably going to a concert with one of his bands tomorrow afternoon, but I am thinking that this is not just a "slow burner" - simply that he is not interested. Even though he is a shy person, just as I am in these situations, one would think it should be natural to make some conversation/small talk? *sigh* Why does everything have to be so complicated? No wonder I am still single.... *kicking myself up the backside*
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 9:33am

Ruby, this reminds me of a time I was coming out of the grocery store w/ my DD when she was about 14.  She pointed out some boy she liked and I said "aren't you going to say hi to him?"  She said "NOOOOO, of coruse I can't talk to him."  lol  It's pretty painful when both people are shy because neither one can go outside of their comfort zone.  I talked a few posts above about the guy in my dance class who is shy and we never got anywhere after me trying to show interest.  I find it awkward some times to be sitting with him at a dance because he'll never initiate conversation, although he'll reply if I say something, but that gets tiresome to always have to be the one to think of something to say.  Then there is this other guy who I think is much more good looking (he looks like Daniel Craig) and I feel I have no chance with him since he goes after the younger and best looking women (who generally turn him down!) but we have no problem conversing--he's very friendly.  So I think part of it is his personality, which is more talkative, and part of it probably is that I figure I have no chance, so I'm not thinking of him as a potential date (even though I'd love to), I'm figuring that we won't go past being friends, so maybe that also makes me less self conscious.  So I think maybe part of the solution is to try not to think of these guys as dates or romantic interests and get all worried about "will he like me?" and just treat them like every body else--I'm sure that's easier said than done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 3:06pm

Music, he was really easy talking to earlier this year. Had two very nice conversations alone with him then (months between) and that was not a problem at all for either of us. This summer he was the one who talked the most and in a humorous and interesting manner actually, I really enjoyed that. But now my mind just went blank and I could not for the life of me find anything to say. It had been a few months since I saw him this close as well, maybe I was stunned, LOL. Part of me tells me that he meets so many people (including other girls) in his freetime playing in all those bands, and why should he be bothered getting to know little mousy me? But I try to shut out that voice in my head and smile as sweetly as I can while saying hi. Smile