Slow and steady wins, right??

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Slow and steady wins, right??
Sat, 11-17-2012 - 1:50pm

I've always said that I like to get to know someone first before I even have a real date with them.  I like meeting someone, slowly developing a sort of "friendship", and then moving into dating or whatever.  But I'm getting impatient with this guy!

So I have his number.  I texted him.  He responded, but I'm not sure he knew it was me so he probably doesn't know he has my number, or didn't save it.  A couple of weeks ago, he sent me a friend request on FB.  My girlfriend (the one who got his number first) is also friends with him now.  I'm not sure if she sent him one, then he sent me one, or he sent one to both of us.  Anyway...not a big deal because I don't consider FB a dating place, but at least he maybe sees me as someone he'd like to keep in touch with. 

In the meantime, there have been many glances, prolonged eye contact, smiles, etc. exchanged during trivia.  He's been telling me goodbye when he leaves, with a little pat on the shoulder.  This Thursday, he came over to our table and somehow got on the topic of how he wants kids.  (Can we say uterus throbbing???  I might have just taken him right there if I'd had a stronger drink!) 

Ugh.  I feel like there's progress...we're getting to know each other, talking more, etc....but it's soooo sloooow.  Which I guess is what I like.  But in the meantime, I've still got those uterus throbs!  I've thought about just texting him a random (unnecessary) question one night about something, but I haven't a clue what I'd say.   I need to talk to him without my friends around, and that's not going to happen at trivia.  My friends are always around! 

In the meantime, I wait.  And try to ignore the fact that his friends seem like crude jerks!



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 11-17-2012 - 4:38pm

Sorry, but I think this is beyond slow, it's like the speed of the glaciers melting.  At this rate, you are never going to progress.  It reminds me of my friend Mike from dance class--I've been taking classes there now for a year and 8 months, and I met him the first night.  I thought there might be progress when after about 6 months he came out for a drink w/ me & my friend--since then if someone asks him to come out, he'll come but he never initiates.  By now, I have given up on anything happening other than friendship--it just seems like he's painfully shy with women.  I used to see him on OLD sites, but I haven't seen him lately & I doubt he has a GF so I think he might have just given up.

I just think you have to figure out a way to speed things along somewhat.  Can you send him a message on FB?  Can you tell from looking at his FB page what kind of things he likes to do?  Since you're already seeing him in a bar, it's not like you want to ask him for a drink--let's try to brainstorm some other kind of way that you can get together with him privately.  What kind of work does he do?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 11-17-2012 - 4:13pm
Um, my apologies if this is repetitive. My response kept saying "Please Wait". Then the little clock would disappear, but the reply wasn't there. I think it's different with each different person and with each different set of circumstances or situations. Sometimes slow and steady wins but sometimes, two people sleep together on the first date and are then inseparable for the duration of the relationship, whether that be a week or 7 years. I think a lot of it is luck, timing and preparedness . . . maybe with some courage tossed in . . .