So, 4th and 5th dates happened....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
So, 4th and 5th dates happened....
16
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 9:53am
I still don't know, I still don't know!!!

We had a great time on Saturday, dinner at my place and then a movie out. While we were at my place he initiated "a talk..." I was dreading it but it actually set me at ease somewhat, because he just said he's fine with it going slow, as long as it's probably going SOMEWHERE. I was able to confess to him that the physical thing is not 100% there for me yet, but that I can't say he's just a friend to me... we both agreed this situation lacks the giddiness that early-on dating scenes usually have. For some reason, I felt a lot less pressure when he confessed that he, too, is unusually calm and composed around me for it being so early in the dating process. So we saw a movie and called it an early night.

Sunday we met up in the afternoon at his place and he wanted to snuggle on the couch for a bit.... I'm so torn between how nice and affectionate it feels to kiss him, and how I feel (or rather, don't) when I step back and look at him. That's not all the time, either.... sometimes I feel very much into the idea, sometimes it just seems to evaporate. Anyway then we went to an event where there were people we both know (our first "public appearance"), and sometimes I felt a little uncomfortable. It didn't help that a friend of mine told me in confidence that she can see why I'm wavering... just when I thought I was getting over it!!

I feel so tested! Why did I have to meet a guy who is so wonderful, and have this one respect (his weight) be the hang-up factor?!?!?! I feel so awful about myself, I've had two crying breakdowns in the last 3 days. From what I know of him so far, I feel he deserves someone who will be proud to be with him, all the time... I just don't know yet if this is me or not. Why can't I get over my image fixation??? I know I will miss him terribly if I break things off, and I'll do so in the knowledge that I'm missing something great for a very shallow reason. I just can't tell if the lack of chemistry is a real lack of chemistry, or one created by my image obsession.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 1:15pm
ah. well, i think sexual compatibility is extremely important in a relationship. maybe even as important as physical attraction! on the other hand, i think you're also right that sex can cloud your judgement... i dunno - having not had a lot of sexual experience, i really can't say much on the subject ;-)

pheromonal bond sounded like you were being sucked in by the other person's scent or something. hehe.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 2:18pm
Actually, that's pretty much what happens. Women have some hormone (oxytocin?) that bonds them to men we sleep with. That's why it's not a good idea for women to sleep with guys too early; very few of us are able to separate the physical from the emotional bond.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 2:28pm
whaaat? no way... i call BS...
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 2:49pm
Oh, come on, Thim, I read about it in O (Oprah) Magazine, so it MUST be true ;-).

Seriously, current research indicates this is a factor.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 3:34pm
so if i really want a chick to fall for me, i should sleep with her?


i guess it doesn't really change my life that much. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 5:37pm
Hi there - I have to disagree with you - I do not expect to be totally in love with my husband at all times or for all time - I do expect to love him and care about him a great deal and regard him as my best friend or at least one of my inner circle of best friends - no, it's not about settling but for me it's my reality that comes from observing the real life of the couples and people I know. It sure would be nice to be in love for the entire marriage but for me it is not essential.

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