so afraid that no one will like me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
so afraid that no one will like me
5
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 4:30pm

The more and more I think about it, I am so afraid that no one will like me. A lot of people are turned off by my height and there's nothing I can change about that. I am only 4'5" tall and I am NOT a stick figure at all. I'm pretty stout. Most people seemed turned off by my height.


I am afraid of being alone and having no one who wants me. I like being alone in a lot of ways. I do a lot of things alone and I live alone.


But to grow old and be alone, that I do NOT want. I am 34 already and with my last dating situation, I lost a guy to a woman 10 years younger than me, and it makes me wonder that coupled with my height, is my age a disadvantage to me finding a relationship.


Unlike most women, I am not looking to have kids right now. My biological clock is NOT ticking. Just my sense of me growing old and not finding someone. That has me worried.


I know 34 is not an old age, but a lot of people are settled down by this age, starting families, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 5:57pm
Your problem is not so much your height. It's your attitude. In your mind you have let height become your defining characteristic.



There is a regular on these boards, cml7721. She is 23 and at 4'11"ish she may be towering over you, but she is also confident, mature, smart, funny, upbeat,articulate, assertive... all of which create a persona about her and make her very attractive to men, to the point she has to beat them off with a stick! Some whom she has never even met have sent her billet doux through third parties ! Granted, the fact that she is incredibly cute doesn't hurt her at all... :)



It's true that people you meet for the first time will take a bit to adjust to your height. But after a period of time the eyes adjust to a sight (the brain will do a "geometric normalization" on anything it sees regularly-- making the pretty not so pretty anymore and the ugly not so ugly anymore). At that point people will begin to see you more through their minds than through their eyes. The disadvantage of 'unattractive' people(subjective) is that they tend not to get past the first stage, ie before the viewer's brain has had a chance to normalize, and so people turn their attention elsewhere. Focus on people that you meet everyday or those you will be around for a while and see what happens. But again, you will go nowhere if you are not charismatic or don't have a persona.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 6:40pm

Most of us have something to overcome with dating....it maybe we don't have a lot of money, it maybe that we are older, it maybe that we have no family...it maybe that we are short!


I have some neighbors....they have been married 50 some odd years. They are both VERY short.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 3:14am

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 5:53am

'..I am only 4'5" tall and I am NOT a stick figure at all. I'm pretty stout'


Dutchess, we meet again..


I agree that confidence is very important in the way you present yourself to men and women. I agree that you will be perceived by others the way you perceieve yourself. I agree that if you are absolutely convinced that you are not a physically attractive person you will convey it in just about every part of your interaction with others and they will pick up on it and think: 'yep, she is right'. However... and it's a big however. I don't mean to make you feel even worse about yourself than you already do. I am just telling you the truth the way I see it - I hope I won't be branded 'the troll' and told to either be nicey nicey or get lost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Tue, 11-27-2007 - 12:42pm

First of you should learn to like yourself. How is everyone going to like you if you don't like yourself??? Before you worry about finding your life long mate worry about learning to love yourself.


First step: Every day before get out of bed you must say the following. You may feel silly at first but you must reach a part of yourself that believes it. I AM SMART, TALENT, BEAUTIFUL. Repeat this everyday for 5 minutes. Really believing it with all your soul. Think if a man said the same thing to you; you would eat it up with a spoon. Well believe it when you say it.


Second Step: Write down all the things you like about yourself before you go to bed. NO TV!!! Think about this list while getting ready for bed and before going to sleep. Try to make this list at least ten items long. Keep this list. Make a new list every night. It is ok to repeat items. Please this list in your purse and go over it when ever you are feeling down about yourself.


Third Step: VOLUNTEER. Find a cause that really moves you and put your time where your mouth is. It will add to your feeling of accomplishment and you will have new experiences to talk about.


Fourth Step: If you meet people you like add them to your social circle. You feel best about yourself if you have friends who reflect back that good feelings. You meet a really cool girl at the bus stop a couple of days and you like her. Tell her you would like to include her in your friendship circle. Give her your email address and see what comes of it. You have a co worker you think is neat have lunch with her or him. Say hello to your neighbor. Don't take rejection personal they may have too much going on in their life at the moment to allow another person in just keep trying until you have a nice social circle to support you in your goals.


Now give yourself six months to start creating a life. This will be what a man will find attractive, much more attractive than you at 5'6''.


@HoneyyDater Come listen to my very random tweets about dating after 40.