so hard to get out

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
so hard to get out
12
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 1:33pm

The weather's not helping. I was thinking as a single person, a good way to get out of a rut is to just get out. However, when I have free time like this Sat morning, I'm not motivated to go out. I'm not motivated to even go to meetup events to make new friends. I find meetups a fast and easy way to get involved but what if you don't even feel like it?

I like to go get together with a close friend or two but I'm not even motivated to call or get out of the house. Easy companionship is what I'm looking for, not necessarily romance.

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 1:45pm

I have gone to the movies myself--I feel like if it's in the daytime, there aren't that many people there anyway and really then it's dark and no one is looking at you.  If there's something I really want to see then I will go--it's always a lot different seeing a movie in a theater compared to on TV.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 1:43pm

You are funny.  Last night I looked at a married friend's FB post.  She said something like "when you are young, you can't wait to stay up late on NYE and for middle aged people you are forced to stay up"--she is a person who got married to the high school sweetheart and just let herself go in appearance which I hate to say cause I do like her.  But I felt like adding something like "Hey, I'm middle aged but not ready to pack it in yet."  I mean, to each their own--if someone likes staying in & reading a book & going to bed early (and I definitely have those days) that's fine, but I'm not ready to be boring yet.  My mom is almost 87 yrs old and she still goes out and does things--she did go out for dinner at 4:00 yesterday with her sister to beat the rush, but she still goes out.

I do hate going out in the cold.  Right now it's sunny and I have to get things for dinner anyway so I'll force myself to go out.  But it's very easy to hibernate in the winter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 2:22pm

It's a vicious circle - because when you're home you just don't want to go out at all and you get more depressed.  But honestly, even getting out for errands helps.  Or stopping for a cup of coffee somewhere, or reading at the library instead of home.  Have you ever been to the movies yourself?  I've done it a couple of times, and enjoyed it much more than I thought!

But as you said, baby steps, and keep checking in-

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 1:23pm

I think it goes back to the same old thing.. If we want to meet people or have a social life we have to put in some sort of effort..

I so wish for that miracle where I didnt have to constantly think of things to do or places to go or to have to do that insane singles scene. For God;s sake I am 58 years old and ENOUGH ALREADY....Most single older women are playing bridge or already at the over 55 retirement village somewhere and swimming in the community pool and square dancing.. I am def. thinking of that now but I also feel I am not ready for the retirment village.. I still have some family and scattered friends and th ings I like to do around where I live.. It is still a huge sense of community (hurricane sandy excluded as things are still being recovered and repaired) but where I live there is always something going on.. I must have mentioned this before but we have bars and restuarants and karoke and culteral events and museums and always something to do .. I do know that if I dont make the effort nothing will happen and I so wish sometimes things would just fall out of the sky for me.. Well actually they have and I am greatful for that.. Just not what I really want. (lol)

Anyway; I was talking to my guy friend last night and he atleast will do things with me and we were saying we must hang around together because its easy.. I know I would love to have some sort of relationship but I def. do not at this point want to do the work anymore. I just dont so I guess I will be sitting home alone more and more unless something short of a miracle happens...

I mean since 2008 and being out there and on singles dating sites and going to meet ups and going out and being social I have met a few people and its been good but I am so tired of the scene.. I guess right now I will stick to things near me and things I dont feel so intimidated going alone to or close by and not feel like a third wheel or something...

It is 30'F out there so I always have an excuse not to go out right now.

White Satin.. You are righ though.. Why are we singles so hard on ourselves?? If you dont feel like going out then dont..

I so wish I had my own place to decorate and fix up and do stuff to and sit at home sometimes and watch Lifetime channel without someone else annoying me and all.. There are pluses to being single and sometimes just staying in and warm and cozy is a blessing.

Take Care

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 11:22am

When I said meet up groups are an easy way to do things. It is and it isn't depending on the type of people you want to meet. I live in the 'underserved' suburbs. There are pockets of nicer area like my city but the surrounding and the people are not exactly my type. To meet more quality people, I need to go to LA and that is at least 50 miles away. The things like like to do like some light outdoors activities take place early in the morning (hard to get up) or social events at night (don't like to drive long distance really late). It all goes back to making the effort.

It's not neccessarily bad to stay in. I  need to make my house a more comfortable place which it is due to problem with circulating the heat and it's messy because I haven't had time to put everything in place. A lot of it I think has to do with conditioning yourself to enjoy the environment. If you make the environment more inviting and comfortable you will want to stay in.

Knowing and getting up and actually do something about it are two different things. Baby step, baby step. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 11:22am

When I said meet up groups are an easy way to do things. It is and it isn't depending on the type of people you want to meet. I live in the 'underserved' suburbs. There are pockets of nicer area like my city but the surrounding and the people are not exactly my type. To meet more quality people, I need to go to LA and that is at least 50 miles away. The things like like to do like some light outdoors activities take place early in the morning (hard to get up) or social events at night (don't like to drive long distance really late). It all goes back to making the effort.

It's not neccessarily bad to stay in. I  need to make my house a more comfortable place which it is due to problem with circulating the heat and it's messy because I haven't had time to put everything in place. A lot of it I think has to do with conditioning yourself to enjoy the environment. If you make the environment more inviting and comfortable you will want to stay in.

Knowing and getting up and actually do something about it are two different things. Baby step, baby step. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 10:07am

How far awy do you live from a bigger city?  Are there any meetup groups around?  I live in the suburbs, but not that far from a major city--there are really a lot of meetups that cater to various age groups and once I started looking around there was really a lot of stuff to do.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 9:38pm

 Join the club.  I live in a bedroom community.  I am past the age of clubs.  I like to be alone most of the time and then go out to socialize.  Here that is not possible.  So i do have the internet and watch anime.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 1:11pm

I agree with shy, it's pretty much like excercise, or dishes or laundry or any other chore.  But if you can remember how much better you felt after it was done!    I admit, I too have been blowing off invites.  Then the inviters get tired of inviting and the invites dry up!  

Try and bite the bullet and GO!  Even if it's every couple of weeks.  Think of it as a chore that needs done and maybe after a few times you won't feel this way.  

I can't believe that I've not gone out when I've been offered.  It's been months since I went out and I can't believe I don't miss it.  Maybe I need to take a piece of my own advice and get back in the saddle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 10:21pm

I think it gets to be like  a catch-22 situation, you get kind of depressed, so then you're not motivated to do anything, but then you get more depressed by staying home alone & not interacting with people.  I know where I live in the Northeast when it gets to be winter and cold & possibly snow, then it's even harder.  I think that it's important to motivate yourself to do things so you don't just hibernate all winter.  If you do have friends around, at least call a friend once in a while for a dinner or movie.  I know I'm happier when  I have things to look forward to.

Pages