So there's this guy...

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
So there's this guy...
16
Fri, 04-26-2013 - 8:52pm
Sometimes I feel like posting or even speaking of a potential date will jinx it! But I'm going to do it anyway. So I met this guy probably 3-4 years ago. He used to go to the same karaoke place I did, then they shut that place down. We've spoken, and I always thought he was attractive, but I thought he was very young so I never really flirted or anything. I actually posted about him awhile back- I sent him a message on FB (were not friends there) telling him where we were going for karaoke after the first place closed. He never responded, but he did come to the new place. I've seen him there a handful of times and we've spoken, but again no real conversation. Until last night. My guy friend left and my girlfriend wasn't there, so I hung out at the bar alone for awhile. He came up to get another drink and the bartender was out smoking so we started talking. He asked me what I was doing Saturday, and told me I should come see his band at this new bar. I told him I had plans early that night, but I might be able to make it later (not really thinking I'd go). Then he said something about just turning 30. Hmmm...not as young as I thought! So I told him that the guy next to me was creeping me out. He said I should bring my "man" and that would take care of that problem. I told him I didn't have one, and he said he had always thought I was married. So this whole time I thought he was super young and for some reason he thought I was married. He told me to come sit with him and his friend to get away from creepy guy (that works every time, by the way), so I did. The friend was actually cuter, but he was 23! When I got ready to leave, he gave me his number and told me to text him to let him know if I was coming. So I texted him today after I secured a friend. I am not big on long texting conversations, but they must not bother him. Geez. I texted at 1:30 to say I was coming, and at 3:30 I finally had to tell him I was headed home and then taking a nap. I do think he's maybe far more eager, or maybe just more blunt/open than I am. He flat out asked me if I was interested and what I was looking for. I told him I was interested, but avoided the second question. I want a boyfriend, but I don't know if I want him as a boyfriend! Some guys are just fun to have around and aren't really dating material. I already have one of those. I don't really need another. I guess we'll see how tomorrow night goes. I'm going to try to make it so I drive with others so he doesn't think I'm open for anything other than getting to know him. He made some comments that I had to tell him to tame down a couple of times. I would say forget him because of that, except I know some guys are just far more bold that way. He didn't even try to touch me last night and he'd been drinking. I'll at least give him a chance. I figure it can't hurt! If anything, I get a little attention and a night out.

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 04-29-2013 - 10:09pm

I think he just likes to chat, which is why I hear from him so often. My friend wants to go out Friday night, so if he's not playing anywhere, I'll ask him to join us. He said he wants to "hang out", just us. I told him if he was just after sex, I wasn't the person for that and he said he wasn't after sex.  I'm just so used to being rejected I don't know how to respond to interest! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 04-29-2013 - 8:55pm

Hmmm, in order to keep momentum, it would help to see him again soon.  Are you free this weekend, or next week?  I would make it clear when you 'are' free so hopefully he will take the bait, make a plan, and then it won't matter as much whether you text every day or not. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 04-29-2013 - 8:55pm

He just texted me. :-) 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-29-2013 - 8:06pm

Yes it's hard to know what to do.  I am not someone who is super needy & I feel that I don't really want to get into the habit of *having* to communicate w/ someone every day and having nothing to say.  On the other hand, you don't want him to get the idea that you are blowing him off when you say you are busy.  So I'd say text him if you can think of something more interesting to say than how are you.  Or at least you could ask him his next band date, etc. or tell him about something you are doing.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 04-29-2013 - 7:34pm

I'm struggling with how much to communicate!  He texted me for quite some time Friday, then again yesterday. If he's the kind of guy who needs to know I'm thinking of him daily, I have no problem with a "how's your day" text. But I don't want to overwhelm him. So far, he's been the one to initiate most of the time (except the very first text when he didn't have my number). I know he wants to see me, but I've been telling him no because I'm super busy this week. My friend does want to see his band again, so i have an excuse to talk to him. Just maybe not today. I suck at this stuff!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 6:27pm

Glad that both Shy and Music had fun last night....

Shy - it does sound promising.  Keep us posted.  At least he communicates, which is generally 1/2 the battle.

Music - that's funny about the guy's ex-gf, but at least she's on your side.  

I was at an all-day professional seminar on Saturday (about an hour away from my house) so I was pretty exhausted by the time I got home.  I was in my pajamas eating pizza at 8pm, and that was OK by me for this weekend at least.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 11:49am

Music, you remind me of my best friend.  We are opposites in that she is truly a social butterfly.  I usually try to go with the flow but I am more shy and reserved so unless I can get a couple of drinks in me, I rarely enjoy myself to the extent that she does . . . It is interesting how different people can be . . . 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 11:18am

I"m glad you had a good time.  The guy didn't show up.  I was kind of bummed, but I had fun anyway--the band is awesome.  You just can't not dance when they are playing--the dance floor was very crowded so it's not like it would make a difference if you had someone to dance with or not.

So this was funny--I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but the guy's exGF is someone I know from meetup (and like a lot--we just hit it off cause she is a very friendly person).  So I had invited a few friends to come too and when I saw this woman, the first thing she said to me is "Are you dating A now?"  I said "I don't even know"  She said he had mentioned to her that he was going to these things with me & she wondered what was going on.  (She has a new BF so that is not an issue and they broke up quite a while ago.)  She said "would you like to be dating him? I think you would be good together."  So I told her that I do like him and I think she is going to give him the message that he should really be dating me--don't know if that will work or not but they are good friends still and maybe he wonders if I like him--you just never know about men, but I think she will know what to say.  If not, then I am not going to spend more time worrying about it.  I have a lot of things planned to do.  I am going to see her in 2 weeks anyway at a concert.

Oh I have to add another thing about how people act when they go out--I know that certain friends have different personalities so I purposely did not invite my friend C to this.  She is a very nice person but more conservative & religious.  We have a great time if we go to a swing or ballroom dance but I know she doesn't like clubs.  But she called & asked me what I was doing & I described the event--told her it was a kind of R&B band, told her their name, she could look at the website, etc.  She was hemming & hawing and finally she decided to go.  We got there at 8:00 and they had a DJ at first and the band probably went on at 9:00--she left at 10:00.  I don't understand it.  She did seem to be enjoying the band's music and we were dancing.  Even though they served alcohol (she doesn't really drink and I was drinking soda or water cause I was just so thirsty) it wasn't that people were raucous or men were bothering her or anything.  And it was $20 because it was a fundraising event for a food bank.  So I would stay longer if I had paid that much.  I am just glad that we took our own cars because a couple of weeks ago we went to a club in her car and I know she was not having a good time so I had to leave before I wanted to cause we went together.  Now if we were at a swing dance, she would stay out until 12:00 or later--but if you know you don't like a certain type of event, then why not just say no?  sorry to hijack your thread--I probably should have posted this separately.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 11:10am

Glad you had fun.  I'm curious about Music's night also ;)

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 04-28-2013 - 11:02am

I ended up having a lot of fun. I was a little irritated at first because he didn't come talk to me on his first two breaks. There were about four guys surrounding us, all of them quite entertaining, so I was having fun anyway. Turns out, he knew them all and one of them said my guy told him that he invited me, then got all shy when he saw me. He denied it later, but I don't know why the guy would have said it otherwise. When he eventually came to talk to me, he apologized and said something about running around a lot and being busy. We talked for a bit, then he had to play some more. When I left he gave me a hug and said he'd text me today. I got a "thank you for coming" text once I got home. We chatted a bit more, then I went to sleep. I really hope I get to see him again. He seems like a decent guy so far. Music- did your guy show up?

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