So what if Im still a virgin, what is so

Avatar for rainita2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
So what if Im still a virgin, what is so
8
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 11:17am

wrong about that?

I still dont understand why nowadays if a woman is still virgin, she is considered like "very rare case" in this society specially the comment coming from guys. What is so wrong about a lady being virgin until she is ready. She is no less or more than a woman just because she is still a virgin. Some men believe that if a lady is still a virgin, she is bored, or dont like men at all. What is so important to be or not to be a virgin.

I sometimes feel like a stupid lady because Im still a virgin at my age and because of my age men get even more in shock that how come I havent had sexual relations with a guy. That is there a problem in me or what, beause for men it is unusual to hear that a girl in my age in this century still is a virgin, so they think that Im a lesbian, dont like sex at all, dont like pleasure at all, etc and all kinds of comments just because one word "virginity". Virgin or not virgin a person remains the same in her inside, her values, her sense of humor, the way she gets along with people, feelings, for me that is most important than having sex with a guy that im not attracted to or have any kind of feeling or anything, just for the fact that is what most people do nowadays, having sex and period. Some guys says that there is only 2 ways to have sex, out of love or out of pleasure, which is true.

So some guys have told me that if I havent found the right guy to love forever or to be my partner and possible getting married with and to whom Im going to have sex with, so I should have sex only for pleasure then because If I dont find the guy Im going to marry in order to have sex with, that I should do it for pleasure then and only pleasure with no feelings attach to it otherwise Im going to grow old and die and never experience what if feels like to have sex with a guy. So some say I should have sex with friends that I do know, acquaintances, and they are not really the guys Im going to marry with in the future, they are just friends or acquaintances and that at least I experience something and that way Im not going to regret if I dont ever get married but at least I know what it feels like to have sex and feel pleasure even if I dont get ever married but at least I experience it.

I mean, Im really confused because Im more than 32 yrs old and Im still a virgin, I get scare just of the thought to have sex with a guy Im not remotely attracted to or to even like and because I have never done it before, at my age if I havent done it now Im starting to believe I will be virgin for my whole life, because Im not even married also.

I mean I do like guys, but since I dont have experience in guys before I think Im still immature in that department and get scare only the idea of being naked in front of a stranger. My brother has never even saw me naked before, I mean even if we are siblings and sometimes in the house those things can happen to see your family naked, my naked body I dont show it to anyone, not even my dad I just dont feel comfortable showing my body to just anyone, it has to be a very special person Im willing to have sex with and show my naked body to and being comfortable.

I mean I dont like to behave like a tramp to get guys to like me, that is not the way I am but also I dont want other people to think of me as a bored lady.

Im a lost case!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 11:55am

Why are you still a virgin? Religious reasons, haven't found the right guy?

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with being a virgin in your 30's, although it is rare. Most women have been in several serious relationships by that point and explored that aspect of it. Have you wanted to have sex with someone? If so, what stopped you?

When you do meet guys, are you telling them that you're still a virgin? And if so, when? It's really no one else's business but yours. If you do meet a guy that you want to sleep with, then tell him if you feel it's important. If you're emotionally attached to him and want to sleep together, make sure he's on the same page in the relationship as you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 12:35pm
In my opinion, there's nothing wrong about that. I am still one, granted I'm in my mid 20s, but I really want to hold out until that special someone. I believed that it should be with someone special and the one who will be with me forever. I also have religious reason. I have a couple guy friends that this it's great that I want to do this and they mention something being honorable. so .. I guess depends on who you asked, but either way..I don't think there's anything wrong or making you as a boring person.
Good luck :)
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 12:49pm

Rainita, I'm going to be completely honest, and you can take it or leave it-whichever you'd like.


First, I went back through the archives and searched for every post you've made.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 1:50pm

I don't know Rainita's history, but can relate somewhat as someone who remained a virgin until fairly recently. When I expressed how odd I felt as someone who'd never had sex or a meaningful relationship, I'd get all the assurances from friends who said don't be in a rush to lose it, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, etc. But it didn't change the fact that I felt like a weirdo and was missing out on something that was such an important part of other people's lives. The sense of alienation is real so I sympathize and emphathize on that.

I reached a point though where I was just tired of being trapped in bitterness, self-pity, and fear. I know you feel judged for being a virgin (and I'm sure there are people who see it as a little odd), but I assure you other people are not hungup on your virginity. This is something you have to come to terms with and accept. If you're fine with how things are, great. If you want to change and experience sex and a relationship, there are things you can do about it. But first you have to accept yourself and accept that there's nothing wrong with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 3:52pm
There will always be a pull from other people to do what everyone else is doing. For those of us who prefer to think for ourselves and do what is right for ourselves, life is never easy. If your value system includes remaining a virgin until a specific event (such as an engagement, or a wedding) then stick to it and know that you are a strong lady! Value your uniqueness! Celebrate it! Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 4:05pm
I say stick to your beliefs and values. If you feel as if you are uncomfortable and dont' want to have sex at this point in time in your life until you meet the right one for you then don't. If you feel bothered by it and want to experience a sexual relationship then if you meet someone you like and are attracted to then go for it. When the timing is right for you, it will happen. Just trust that. But don't have sex just because everyone else is doing it, do it because you want to and because you have met someone where you feel comfortable doing it with. I think you see yourself as an outcast more than anyone else sees you. I commend someone with good core values who believe certain things. I haven't had sex in awhile and even though a lot of my friends around me and people I know are having sex I dont' feel like I want to have sex with any guy I end up dating casually or any person I meet that I feel might have some potential. i want to wait for that emotional attachement. When I think of how it's been awhile for me sometimes it makes me feel bad but most of the time I'm just telling myself that I'm being smart because to me not having sex and waiting for someone I care about is about respecting myself and my values.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 12:29pm

Except for the English part, I agree with most of the points Shy brought up (I think the OP's English is pretty fluent based on her post). Anyhow, I completely agree with the self-esteem part, virgin or not. Not sure if I can define myself as a virgin anymore LOL but I used to delve a lot on the virginity issue as well since my first serious boyfriend and I broke up over whether or not to have intercourse. I was devastated for several months, pondering if I made the right decision by refusing sex with him. But as time went on and having dated other (decent) men, I realized he wasn't the right one for me, even if we had had sex. Long story short, I don't think sex is the main concern/issue in a good relationship (unless one person's sex drive is just completely abnormal - which unfortunately there's not a way to find out unless you "try" either). A guy who's truly interested in you will understand and wait until you're ready because he aims for the long haul.

I know this is a very sensitive topic and it does put some pressure on your dating experiences, but rest assured it is not the main turnoff in a (good) guy's view of you. Even though I haven't personally sucessfully found a husband yet ;-), I'm glad I've come to that conclusion. It gives me peace of mind and helps me focus on other aspects of myself instead. Granted I still struggle sometimes (on other issues) but I no longer wander if the next guy would dump me if I don't want to sleep with him (just yet). Try to let go of this negative thought process; it will make you feel better. Work instead on bringing out the best of you in other areas :) :).

Hugs,
-icuryy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 5:17pm
if you wish to remain a virgin...that is your business.To complain however,that men are not interested in you...is crazy.You can`t expect men to wait ...look,I am NOT a virgin,HOWEVER...I will NOT sleep with a guy right off the bat...and BELIEVE me,they want NOTHING to do with me...now I can only imagine how they are with a virgin women.I dated a guy who was a virgin(we slept together)i will never do that again...the sex was not horrible but never really good,as good as it could have been,and he seemed to be too close to his guy friends,which really made me wonder,and he turned into a major jerk...at least i have something to laugh about and bash him for,the jerk he turned out to be.Mena but true...but seriously...don`t be surprised if men are not interested...maybe keep it to yourself..i did not have sex until i was 20 and just kept it a secret from the guy.....what he didn`t know would not kill him