Some gf advice, please?
Find a Conversation
|Thu, 04-18-2013 - 12:05am|
I found you after a long internet search. I have a dilemma and I'd love some perspective. This seems like the place to get it. My real-life bff just wants me to be happy, although she does tease me about the situation I'm in. I don't have a clear idea what I should do and I feel bad.
I am 44 and I met a man who is 47 and going through a divorce after 27 years married. He's tall, good looking, and intelligent. But he's neurotic, his willy doesn't work for more than a few strokes, he's got incredible hang ups about all kinds of things, he is a pathetic puppy dog doing anything I ask and following me around begging me to spend time with him every available second. I have a busy career! I don't want a f/t man and I've told him that from the start.
After 4 weeks, I couldn't take it anymore, so I dumped him quite clearly. He sent several tearful emails and then told me about how he was making all the changes I'd suggested. He was changing his "dopey dad" wardrobe, trying to get a better job, trying to stop letting his soon-to-be-ex hint how she's been sleeping with another man (age 24) in his house, etc. I really feel pity for this guy, but pity and attraction don't mix well.
For the four weeks, he would often talk in baby voices, and make pouting faces like a little boy when he didn't like something. I felt like I was dating an unusually handsome 7 year old.
So I needed some help with my move and I let him help me. He was so happy! He didn't push and was on his best behavior. Kept saying, "See? No baby voices!" I didn't resume our sexual relationship, because frankly, he sucks in bed. His ex-wife always told him he was bad in bed, and I didn't say it, I just walked out. Because he is. That was 3 weeks ago. I've now known him 7+ weeks total. He asked me randomly, "Is sex really important to you?" I said, "I don't want to remarry. There are only two reasons to date: sex and conversation." So he bought Viagra online that night and when it shipped, he called me to invite me to...experiment. Except I don't want to. I have zero chemistry for him now, although it was 100% when I met him.
I now live 3 hours from him instead of 7 minutes. He helped me move. He wants to drive up and "prove to me" that he can please me. That sounds tedious, given the difference in our sexual behaviors and preferences. He keeps begging, and I feel sort of guilty because I text him and talk to him (not sexually or flirtatiously) because I'm lonely in my new place - I don't know anyone here. He's now told me he loves me twice, which is horrifying because he actually knows almost nothing about me.
I don't want to crush him. When I broke up with him before, he had to take 2 days off work to cry! His ex wife is being very mean, but he kind of acts like a doormat with her, me and his grown daughter. He's not got one ounce of manhood in him, in my experience of him. I don't want to make his life worse, but I wish I'd never met him, frankly. And I CERTAINLY wish I'd never begun a sexual relationship with him.
Any advice? Do I sleep with him one last time and then be geographically unavailable (because I am?) Or do I just stop all communication like a high school kid? Having an adult conversation with him doesn't work, because he isn't one emotionally. Help! Help!